For those keeping track, Donda: With Child is still undelivered when by this point, Kanye West should already be thinking about getting on a waiting list if he wants it to get into a good preschool. But I get it, Kanye’s been very, very, very busy. Not only is he running a [insert adjective of your choice] presidential campaign, according to a slew of recent tweets, he’s also Moses, Nat Turner, and “the 2nd richest black man in America” who is tirelessly working to free his people. His “people” being exclusive to any other rich Black man in America. So you’ll have to excuse him if his album won’t be out until Sony and Universal release him from his contract and Drake apologizes to him for, I don’t know, being richer than him I guess. Folks, as usual, it’s a mess.
People are so starved for novel entertainment these days that scores of them logged onto Instagram Live last night to watch a grainy Drake bop his big ass head over some dusty beats he had stored in the back of his closet. And not even his primary closet, the closet in his 16th tackiest guest room. According to Complex, Drake “accidentally” (emphasis mine) played a track that was a previously unreleased collaboration with Future in which he raps “Kylie Jenner that’s a side piece” and that he’s got “20 motherfucking Kylies.” As charming and fitting a sentiment as that is, in the cold hard light of day, Drake found the need to say oopsie and blamed the DJ.
Earlier this month, Architectural Digest gave us a peek inside Drake’s gaudy 50,000 square foot mega-mansion in Toronto, a treat usually reserved only for Drake’s closest sycophants and groupies. There was a 4,000 lb black marble tub, a skull-painted piano, gold walls, a basketball court, a custom-made hallway filled with priceless sports jerseys (see above). One other thing AD mentioned was that Drake had, in his 3,200 square foot master suite, a one-ton bed that, “cost more than many people’s entire homes.” I wondered what a one-ton bed worth hundreds of thousands of dollars could possibly look like. Well, Complex did the research, and they’ve found what Drake’s bed looks like.
Drake‘s uber-mansion in Toronto has finally been completed in the rich people part of town. Which, due to inflating housing prices in the city, is basically every part of town now. But I mean the really, really rich people part of town. But Castle de Wheelchair Jimmy is hideous, which is expected from someone who has the maturity level to maintain conversations with Millie Bobby Brown and barely-legal models. Drake’s house looks like a bratty kid turned their Sims mansion into reality.
Oprah donated $10 million dollars towards COVID-19 relief efforts, only to be outdone by Jeff Bezos (numerically if not proportionately), who in turn, has been bested by Drake. Although Drake’s contribution isn’t monetary, the spiritual uplift to be gained from his new music video for Toosie Slide, which features Drake shuffling around in his marble palace before going poolside (the outdoor one) to shoot off some fireworks, signaling to Toronto, and the world, that he’s the richest boy in the world, is worth its weight in life-saving ventilators or a head-start on a vaccine. Who needs to be able to breathe or eat when you could be worshiping capitalism and fame!
Drake revealed his adorable 2-year-old son Adonis to the world for the first time. I mean, there’s no better time to
get promo for your child reveal your secret kid to the world than now while we’re all glued to our phones more than usual.