A Poster For Demi Lovato’s “Holy Fvck” Album Was Banned From Being Displayed In The UK Because It Was Offensive To Christians
Humanity may not agree on much, but one thing lots of us can probably come together on is that Demi Lovato’s soggy pad of a personality is utterly exhausting. The assault of her shrill voice on our ears and the useless causes she attempts to champion–like sugar-free cookies existing and not calling aliens “aliens”–are offensive to the sensibilities of many. And in Demi’s most recent attempt to be 2006-style edgy, she coined her newest album (and what might be her final tour) “Holy Fvck,” as in “holy fuck is she STILL talking?” But in true Demi fashion, she rubbed people the wrong way again, this time with a poster that showed her casually clad in light bondage while lying on a crucifix bed. BBC News says some Christians in the U.K. were displeased, and the poster just got banned from being displayed in most public places there.
With all the attention that Margot Robbie and Ryan Gosling have been getting as Ken and Barbie, it’s no wonder that their trashy $1 store tethers, Machine Gun Kelly and Megan Fox, seem to be scrambling to redirect the spotlight onto themselves, the self-styled Barbie and Ken of the poser punk scene. Well, MGK, Sir, you are no Ken! Ken’s got more balls in his smooth plastic mons pubis than whatever MGK had rolling around under his pastel pink culottes as he smashed a champagne glass on his forehead on stage during an after-party. Yes, a CHAMPAGNE glass. Even MGK’s weapon of choice was less punk rock than the machine-frayed edges on Ken’s sleeveless light-wash denim jacket.
I’m afraid your indifference toward Machine Gun Kelly and Megan Fox’s engagement has left them feeling a bit parched. Did you not see the ring? The “surprise” engagement? If you did, you did a piss poor job of acting impressed by their non-conventional, yet ultimately, mind-numbingly basic display. So here we are, having to be made aware of just how edgy, and for lack of a better word, rad, this couple is. MGK tried to tell us that ring was special in his Instagram post describing it as “two magnetic bands of thorns that draw together as two halves of the same soul forming the obscure heart that is our love,” but you squares missed the point. So MGK spoke to Vogue to clarify that those “thorns” are there “so if she tries to take it off, it hurts. Love is pain!” So go ahead, name a badder ass. I dare you!
What do you remember about the film Suicide Squad? That it made a ton of money? That it was nominated for several Razzies? That you’re having a hard time trying to keep it straight from the upcoming sequel, The Suicide Squad? No, of course not! You remember it for all the gross, possibly biohazardous things Jared Leto allegedly gave to his castmates while he was filming, in an attempt to really get into character as The Joker.
At the time of filming in 2015, Jared really would do anything to make you think he’s the greatest actor alive. There were stories that Jared went full method by getting a “henchman” to drop a dead pig on the table during a rehearsal, sending a bullet to Viola Davis, giving anal beads and used condoms to his fellow cast members, and sending Margot Robbie, who played Harley Quinn, a live rat. Now Jared is here to tell you that you can stop believing that he gave Margot a dead rat because it didn’t happen.
The original Archie comics are about as edgy as a freshly ironed t-shirt tucked into a pair of pleated jeans. But The CW has to get the chirrun to watch their Archie TV show, so they took the original comic, smeared some black eyeliner on that wholesome trick, made it listen to a whole lot of Lorde songs and took it a David Lynch film festival where it snuck out halfway to smoke a blunt with the bad kids. The CW made Archie all *~edgy~* and *~dark~*.
No, she didn’t sing a duet with her daddy. I went ahead and pixelated that whole picture and not because of her plastic chichis or dinosaur dick strap-on. I pixelated it, because I wanted to protect your eyes from the sight of her exposing the top of her pantyhose. That’s definitely the most offensive and tackiest part of her ensemble.
The cracked out hillbilly chipmunk’s Dead Petz tour left a glittery butt skid mark of fuckery in Chicago last night when Miley Cyrus performed while looking like something that fell out of a Lisa Frank porn. When Miley and The Flaming Lips announced their tour, Wayne Coyne said that she wanted to do the show while everyone, even the audience, was asshole-out naked and covered in milk. Someone on that tour with at least half a working brain cell must have figured out that milk + a bunch of naked high messes = a giant cereal bowl of diseased nightmares.
So instead of doing that, Miley dick slapped us all in the face with ten loads of OHSOEDGY by doing herself up like a slutty pear-shaped baby stripper and whatever the hell she’s supposed to be in the picture above. She looks like a rejected member of Jem and the Holograms who had to pay her bills by working as a dominatrix at a sex club that caters to men who really want to be ass fucked with an alien peen strap-on. Just like that, Tom Cruise wrote the name “Miley Cyrus” next to the number one on the list of possible brides. Miley is also giving me “white acid trip 80s Tina Turner starring in a community theater production of Exit to Eden the Musical.”
This is what happens when a 90s baby really, really wishes they lived through the 80s.
And after seeing this picture of Miley as a giant stick of butter, I’m waiting for them to announce that the entire tour has been cancelled, because she has gone missing.
I’m sure footage from a surveillance camera outside of the theater will show Paula Deen wobbling out of the stage door with a pantyhose-covered foot dangling from her twat.