Katy Perry saw Beyonce’s MTV VMAs pregnancy reveal (from 2011) and raised her a music video pregnancy reveal.
Long gone are the days when a pregnant person would simply post to her social media page, “Hey guys, I’m pregnant!” That’s the equivalent of sending a telegram through Western Union these days. Now it’s all about the shock, awe, and FEELS for the occasion. And as of right now, Katy Perry is the new Queen of Baby Announcements after putting out a new video.
It’s been a little over a year since Katy announced she and her husband Orlando Bloom were engaged and their wedding is coming up very soon (and possibly in Japan if coronavirus doesn’t fuck with those plans). Katy made another announcement last night in the video for Never Worn White, a cheesy song that I’m sure she’s hoping will be all the rage at every Pinterest bride’s wedding. Katy couldn’t wait another minute to double up on wedding and baby shower gifts so she rented out a few showrooms at IKEA, purchased every fake flower in their fake garden section, then instructed her cameraman to keep filming until it looks like a Midsommar-inspired Stayfree ad.
Perhaps, Katy, you shouldn’t call the song Never Worn White if you’re wearing white all through the damn video. And if you’re thinking, “This is so beautiful,” you won’t be thinking that once you’ve heard this song at every wedding you attend for the rest of the year. But this won’t be the only song Katy will have an opportunity to beat us upside the head with in 2020. Not only is Katy about to have a baby, she’s also about to bless the world with a brand new album.
“There’s a lot that will be happening this summer, not only will I be giving birth — literally — but also figuratively to something you guys have been waiting for,” she said, referring to her upcoming album.
And in case someone didn’t get the blatant hint, Katy confirmed the news after the video debuted:
— Pop Crave (@PopCrave) March 5, 2020
But not everyone can seem to wrap their minds around the fact that Katy is about to have her name forever changed to Mommy. Most of her fans, who were damn near embryos themselves when she first started singing, can’t deal with the fact that they’re all getting older.
— andrew💍📦 (@andrewbuteraa) March 5, 2020
— 🅹 | 💐 (@kxtysboy_) March 4, 2020
Awww, that’s precious kids. But wait until the day your favorite singer announces she’s going to be a grandmother for the eleventh time. That’s when I assume you and I will be dueling to the death for the last bottles of Metamucil and Ensure at Walgreens. Bring your canes, they make great weapons.