Category: Bitch Got Banned

“Today” Cut Matt Lauer From Their 25 Year Montage

June 20, 2019 / Posted by:

This week started out with Jennifer Lopez saying that her first two marriages didn’t really count. Now the Today show is following suit and saying that flashing sex toy giver and over-all giver of the creeps, Matt Lauer, is being erased from their history (which is hard to do because he was basically the face of the show for 20 years). Today celebrated the 25th anniversary of their move to their current studio (they will really celebrate anything) this morning, and they mentioned nearly every past member of Today, except for Matt Lauer.

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BBC Radio 2 Dropped Michael Jackson’s Music Ahead Of “Leaving Neverland”

March 3, 2019 / Posted by:

BBC Radio 2 has apparently quietly dropped Michael Jackson‘s song catalog from airing on the station ahead of the premiere of the two-part documentary Leaving Neverland, which starts airing on HBO tonight and on Channel 4 in the UK on Wednesday. Leaving Neverland, in case you don’t already know, shows the sad and fucked up account of the abuse that MJ allegedly afflicted upon James Safechuck and Wade Robson when they were children. That documentary has caused BBC radio to ban all things recorded by the singularly sparkling gloved one.

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China Tells Justin Bieber, “Boi, Bai!”

July 21, 2017 / Posted by:

It’s a real bitch to basic betches from the U.S., when they visit the Great Wall of China and can’t post some pseudo-offensive photo to Facebook, pretending to be a samurai, because it’s banned. Well, now they can’t even pair their trip to Shanghai with a Justin Bieber concert where he refuses to sing his songs, because he’s viewed as just as much of a cultural threat as that “poke” button! China has likely been disgraced by him since they thought he looked too much like a P.F. Chang’s menu in his outfit (pictured above) to the 2015 Met Gala “China: Through The Looking Glass.”

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Maria Sharapova Got Banned From Professional Tennis For 2 Years

June 8, 2016 / Posted by:

But first, let me answer the question in your head: No, that is not Ben Affleck in the background to the right. That dude’s chichis aren’t nearly as plump and calzone-esque enough for him to be Batffleck.

A few months ago, 29-year-old professional tennis player and gummy candy mogul Maria Sharapova announced that she was told by the International Tennis Federation that she had to temporarily put down her racket after she tested positive for a banned drug. Maria admitted to taking some shit called “meldonium,” which was put on the ITF’s banned list last year. The ITF banned it because they said there’s some evidence that athletes use it as a performance-enhancing drug. Maria said that her doctor prescribed her the drug for a magnesium deficiency and she’s been taking it since 2006. In January, the ITF sent out an e-mail of all the banned drugs for 2016. Maria admits to getting the email, but said she didn’t read it. I bet Maria has hired a full-time e-mail reader to read every line of every e-mail she gets, because that temporary suspension has become a 2-year ban.

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Lindsay Lohan Bailed On A Visit To Canada And Her Criminal Record Might Be To Blame

September 12, 2015 / Posted by:

Lindsay Lohan, seen above proving why it’s so important to get vaccinated, was supposed to make an appearance during the Toronto International Film Festival on Sunday. No, she wasn’t there to present a special 8th anniversary screening of the modern cinematic masterpiece I Know Who Killed Me (I wish). Page Six says she was supposed to be at a club on Sunday night to promote her upcoming film Inconceivable. Unfortunately, everybody who was hoping to catch a glimpse of the Apricot Ashtray is about to let out a disappointed sigh of sadness, because LiLo will not be there. And because we’re dealing with the poster child for lying, nobody has a straight answer for why Lindsay is bailing.

According to the event organizer, it’s because “the timing did not work out for everyone to get to Toronto.” So basically, Lindsay couldn’t get her ass on a plane from whatever place her most current gentleman friend’s yacht is parked in. However other sources are whispering it’s because she has a criminal record and Canada don’t play that. One source said:

“Canada is pretty strict about that. It is not easy to get in if you have had any type of record.”

Other sources claim it has nothing to do with LiLo’s collection of mug shots and everything to do with her being a demanding freckled diva. They say Lindsay refused to fly to Toronto unless it was in first class. Obviously a movie that barely exists on the internet doesn’t have a budget big enough for such shenanigans, so when they slid a coach ticket into her hands, she decided she wasn’t going.

A rep for the producers of Inconceivable told Page Six: “I just know she was not able to come” because she is “busy.” It’s true – hustling tea on Instagram is a very demanding job.

I’m a Canadian person, so I totally know what’s going on here. Back in 2012, there was a massive million-dollar maple syrup heist. Lindsay Lohan is known to have sticky fingers, so who knows how much sweet sweet syrup a pro like LiLo would able to stuff into her carry-on? Canada can’t take that kind of a chance.


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