Category: Shut Up

Alec Baldwin Says He “Owes Everything” To His Wife, Hilaria Baldwin, Amidst His “Rust” Criminal Charges Being Dropped

April 21, 2023 / Posted by:

No, this isn’t one of Alec Baldwin and Hilaria Baldwin’s 76 children snuggling on their puffy, exhausted great-pepaw’s lap or the jankiest strip mall Santa situation of all time; it’s a totally spontaneous shot Hilaria posted on Instagram with a single heart emoji and an unspoken begging of everyone to notice how “muy pequeña!” she looks in Aleek’s arms in the wake of what looks like him being absolved of criminal manslaughter charges for now in the accidental shooting death of Halyna Hutchins on the set of Rust. And, Hilaria’s pap stroll screams for privacy and empatia must have been the stuff that kept a downtrodden Alec going throughout this ordeal; because in his own post on the heels of the news, he said that he owes her (and oh yeah, his lawyer) everything.

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Iggy Azalea Says She Sold Some Of Her Master Recordings And Never Has To Work Again

November 22, 2022 / Posted by:

The insufferable centaur-assed rapper with an appropriated patois found nowhere near her native Australia, Iggy Azalea, bestowed upon us an early Thanksgiving miracle by hinting at the fact that she may be hanging up her White Chicks cosplay and ceasing her assault on our ears with any new material forever. Of course, she’d already once farted out that she was done with music but then tagged herself back in despite no one asking her to. Still, she reportedly recently just sold some of her master recordings and catalog in a deal lucrative enough for her to retire so we may be in luck this time.

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Kanye West Tweeted That He’s Going On A 30-Day Speaking, Porn, And Sex Cleanse (Tweeting Not Included)

November 4, 2022 / Posted by:

Another day means another hot and fresh batch of bullshit from Ye. In between paying out settlements to former employees for exposing them to his antisemitic rhetoric and gearing up to purchase Parler (so he can say even worse things than he already has without getting suspended every couple of days), Kanye West took time out of his busy schedule of finding new ways to dwindle his kids’ inheritance to post on Twitter that he’s going to shut his ignorant suck hole, close his Pornhub browser tab, and say “no” to sex for 30 days. However, he says that he’ll still be tweeting.

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Kourtney Kardashian Says That It’s Been A Year Since Her Son Has Had Fries

September 13, 2022 / Posted by:

Now that Ray J’s been calling Kris Jenner to the carpet about the questionably legitimate lie detector test she took where she “cleared up” that she “wasn’t” behind his and Kim Kardashian’s sex tape, it’s time for one of the Krew to step in to try to divert attention away from that hiKKup. Since Kris’s favorite trick pony, Kim, is fresh off of her shift looking like a “but make it fashion!Aileen Wuornos while saying eye-rolly things about her law school experience and climate change in Interview Magazine, Kourtney Kardashian Barker took her turn grabbing the mic and in true “least interesting to look at” fashion, said something that was somehow both super uninteresting and obnoxious simultaneously. According to health-conscious Kourtney, her son Mason Disick has been wanting fries for a year, but she hasn’t allowed him to have them.

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Kim Kardashian Says That Her Met Gala Diet Caused Her To Have A Psoriatic Arthritis Flare

July 11, 2022 / Posted by:

It’s been two months since the Met Gala and we’re still hearing about Kim Kardashian wearing Marilyn Monroe’s friggin’ dress because Kim keeps slowly burping out new tidbits every time she sits down for another interview. This time, it’s that in Kim’s quest to become the next very serious artiste and lose weight for “the role” of wearing Marilyn’s dress, she had to abandon her usual plant-based diet to choke down meat (it’s just too easy) for it to fit, and instead of just getting the “meat sweats,” she got a case of the meat “psoriatic arthritis-es.” Her sharing of this very crucial and intriguing information is either a smokescreen for some other shady K-business going on or an attempt by Kris Jenner to broker a deal to replace Khloe Kardashian’s unsettling, artificial Nurtec commercial face with Kim’s natural, “never filled, only minimally Botoxed” face in a Xeljanz campaign.

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Kim Kardashian Says That She’s Lost Even More Weight Since The Met Gala

June 22, 2022 / Posted by:

Yes, we’re back to this fuckery again. Pimp Mama Kris must have something bad bubbling under the surface down in Kalabasas (they haven’t changed the spelling of “Calabasas” yet, but we all know it’s coming), because whenever something not so great is happening in Kardashianland, it seems like the “Satan of Spin” deploys one of the K-klan to step out on the stroll to create a diversion. Kim Kardashian has made several stops recently to promote her new skincare line SKKN by Kim, but made sure to drop some tender nuggets for people to eat up so they pay no attention to whatever krap may be going on behind the kurtain. Apparently, Kim isn’t eating any kind of nuggets though, because even though literally no one asked her, she said that she’s lost even more weight since slimming down to fit into Marilyn Monroe’s president-plundering dress for the 2022 Met Gala; and, no, that weight wasn’t the 150 pound, tattooed dudebro Pete Davidson (but I’m sure that’s on the horizon), it was five more pounds on top of the 16 she’d already lost to (still not really even) fit into Marilyn’s dress.

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