Kourtney Kardashian Says That It’s Been A Year Since Her Son Has Had Fries
Now that Ray J’s been calling Kris Jenner to the carpet about the questionably legitimate lie detector test she took where she “cleared up” that she “wasn’t” behind his and Kim Kardashian’s sex tape, it’s time for one of the Krew to step in to try to divert attention away from that hiKKup. Since Kris’s favorite trick pony, Kim, is fresh off of her shift looking like a “but make it fashion!” Aileen Wuornos while saying eye-rolly things about her law school experience and climate change in Interview Magazine, Kourtney Kardashian Barker took her turn grabbing the mic and in true “least interesting to look at” fashion, said something that was somehow both super uninteresting and obnoxious simultaneously. According to health-conscious Kourtney, her son Mason Disick has been wanting fries for a year, but she hasn’t allowed him to have them.
According to Page Six, in promoting her new supplement line, Lemme, in an interview with WSJ Magazine, Kourtney talked about her and her family’s health and wellness habits. Apparently, constantly sucking out and ingesting Travis Barker’s face tattoo ink and drinking his semen doesn’t strike her as chemical hazards, but her 12-year-old son, Mason, enjoying the occasional McDonald’s fry is where she draws the line–because he’s been begging her for them for a year now and she won’t budge.
“I was having my one-on-one time with my son [Mason] and he said, ‘Mom, I need McDonald’s french fries today, please. It’s been a year since I’ve had it.’ I was like, ‘Today’s not the day, sorry,’” she told Derek Blasberg in the interview when asked if she thought her kids are deprived of something by not letting them have it.
Kourtney also regrets all of the junk food that she was allowed to have in her childhood (“I said say something that takes the negative attention off of me!” screamed Kris) and looked forward to going to friends’ houses where there were healthier choices.
“It was the ’80s! We had really unhealthy food in our house. Everyone ate chips and Lunchables and the animal cookies that were pink and white with sprinkles,” she said, adding that she relished going to friends’ houses where she’d feast on healthier snacks from an LA health food store.
But it’s ok, sometimes Kourtney allows herself to toss wellness to the wind and eat chips and guac if she’s in Cabo. She might even let Mason smell her breath afterward.
“It’s definitely about moderation and being kind to yourself…. If I’m going to Cabo, I’m definitely drinking margaritas and having chips and guacamole. It’s all about the balance.”
So while I think Kourtney’s true calling is to be the live-action Zootopia sloth, she’s decided that both her experiences with wellness techniques like a caffeine and sex cleanse (clearly public dry-humping is still on the table) and her tendency to not let her children taste joy have led her to bring gummy supplements to the masses.
When asked what the most extreme thing she’s done in the name of wellness, Kardashian recalled a five-day Ayurvedic Panchakarma cleanse, she said — and that she’s gearing up to do it again this fall.
“It’s all these things you can’t do: No sex, no caffeine, no alcohol, no sugar. You’ve gotta eat this really clean, strict diet and you do it for five days,” she said.
And when asked if it was hard to maintain the discipline of not having sex with rock star husband Travis Barker and abstaining from the trinity of food vices, Kardashian made it sound like a breeze.
“Yeah, kind of. But the reward on the other side — when you can’t have something and then you have it, right? It’s like I can’t wait for all the obvious things, but then I also like the simplest things like I can’t wait to have caffeine,” she said, adding a dietary disclaimer along the lines of “What happens in Cabo, stays in Cabo.”
And because Kourtney fancies herself a guru of wellness, balance, and slowly chewing the same salad on every episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians ever, Lemme was born. And if you were wondering if Lemme gummies pass the “Kourtney was able to hold the supplements in her hand and nothing bad happened” test, you’re in luck.
This fall, she’s solidifying her salad-filled stance in the wellness market with the launch of Lemme, a line of all-natural edible supplements with ingredients like ashwagandha, organic lion’s mane mushroom, vitamin B12 and matcha, among others. She’s so serious about making wellness sexy that she posed nude in a pool of vitamins.
The process for making the gummies was a bit odd, though. When describing the testing process, Kardashian said: “I would hold the product in my hand, and [my natural doctor] would see how it reacts to my body.”
Here’s Kourtney “getting her fucking ass up and working” while naked in a sea of supplements:
And it looks like Gwyneth Paltrow making a killing by appealing to women with too much money and not enough sense factored into Kourtney’s new venture as well.
While the vitamin-rich mission may echo Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop prowess, Kardashian couldn’t be happier to support a fellow wellness boss whom she previously collaborated with on a candle, “This Smells Like My Pooshy,” cheekily named for her website Poosh.
“Kim connected us, and [Gwyneth] texted me and said, ‘I think it would be so empowering for women to show that teaming up together [has more of an impact than] pitting them against each other.’ She felt really strongly about that, and I loved that,” Kardashian told the magazine.
“I just feel like there’s so much room for everyone in that. We should be supporting each other!”
All of that ridiculousness aside, Kourtney did have one moment of clarity–unlike Kim, she said eating shit would be where she draws the line (no matter how badly we all want to tell them to eat shit). But where was Mason while Kourtney slowly barfed out all of this drivel? Any money says that he was hiding in Kourtney’s wheatgrass pantry just absolutely destroying a large McDonald’s fry wailing “you should’ve LEMME eat these!” while bathing in fountain Coke on Instagram Live. Parents need to be careful when being too restrictive with their kids–McDonald’s fries are the gateway drug to freebasing Pixy Stix.
Pic: Instagram