Kim Kardashian Talked About Climate Change And Law School Over The Silent Screams Of Her Eyebrows For The Cover Of Interview

September 6, 2022 / Posted by:

Just when you think you’ve got Kim Kardashian’s ass memorized, she ups and rubs it into our faces that it’s as unknowable as the universe is vast. Kim’s most recent ass covers the so-called American Dream issue of Interview Magazine but you’d be excused if you missed it because you were distracted by the two furry albino caterpillars that crawled out of each ear to enjoy a socially distanced picnic lunch together in the middle of her forehead.

The last time Kim appeared on the cover of Interview was back in 2017 when she was cosplaying Jackie Kennedy and was heralded as America’s New First Lady. But that was before her now ex-husband Kanye West‘s failed 2020 Presidential bid when she still had hopes of outdoing Melania Trump’s Christmas Bloody Christmas holiday decor by creating a White House holiday hellscape so vacuous and stark, even Kanye would be asking “Damn, can’t y’all get some of them roses you love so much in here or somethin’?” But that was many moons ago. Now Kim is serving us Moons Over My Hammy which comes nestled in a jockstrap covered in a rich gelatin gravy.

Jeez, no wonder those caterpillars chose to seek higher ground for their picnic. That thing looks hungry as hell, I’d get as far away from it as possible too if I were just a vulnerable little fellow holding on for dear life. But let’s not judge Kim on the color of her brows but by the content of her character, which this week is the lead role in Legally Blond 3: White Chicks Take The Baby Bar (Again). Kim’s still sticking to her story that she’s in law school.

I think I’ll always feel like I have something to prove. Even if it’s just to myself. My next big thing is just finishing law school because I’m halfway there. It’s really time consuming. I have to study two hours every day with my professor. I don’t have a day off from that.

Which is how it works for everyone, right? Everybody buys is assigned their own personal professor. And if there’s one thing she’s learned about tort law it’s that it sounds harder than starting a true crime podcast so she’s doing that.

I: Wait, are you a true crime junkie like me?

K: Oh my god, yeah. I’m obsessed. I had to stop watching Dateline and all the shows when I was studying in law school.

I: Because then it felt like work.

K: Yeah. And then I have a two-hour study session, and then I have to go do voiceovers for the new Paw Patrol movie.

I: Amazing.

K: And that’s as far as I’ve looked at my schedule.

I: Okay. As a true crime junkie can I ask you what this podcast is about?

I: It’s called The System. The first season is about a really crazy case where a guy got the death sentence for a triple homicide that happened in Ohio. There are so many twists and turns with how it was handled—or mishandled—and we take the listener along for a journey in search of the truth.

Just don’t ask her about the truth about climate change. She’s already heard all about it from her “super climate change–involved friends.” Kim didn’t address the reports that she and her sister Kourtney Kardashian use an excess 333,000 gallons of water between the two of them just to power-wash the rich gelatin gravy off the seats of their private jets.

I: Global warming. It is actually insane. There are fires in the south of France, the tarmac is melting in England. Do you feel like you do anything to combat and prevent that? I don’t think I do that much, to be honest, and I’m curious what your thoughts are?

K: I believe in climate change, and I believe that anything can help. But I also believe in being realistic and I think sometimes there’s so much to worry about on this planet, and it can be really scary to live your life with anxiety. I have super climate change–involved friends, and I love learning from them. I do what I can, but you have to pick and choose what really works for you in your life.

I: Yeah.

K: No one’s going to be 100 percent perfect.

Kim didn’t expand on what she does choose to do to combat climate change but she is aware of the harmful effects of crinal bleaching if not coral bleaching. Kim says “I feel like in the fall I’ll go dark, just because I don’t want to damage my hair.” And with that devastating news, two hungry albino caterpillars just crumbled to dust. As will we all.

Pic: Interview via Instagram

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