Category: A Cry For Help
Jennifer Lopez And Ben Affleck Shared Their Love On TikTok And TikTok Wonders If Ben Is OK
Forget Madonna (done!). Jennifer Lopez is the true queen of reinvention. She’s gone from a celeb who loves Ben Affleck, to a star who loves Marc Anthony, to a famous person who loves A-Rod, to a showbiz icon who, once again, loves Ben Affleck. The woman just loves attention love! Over the weekend, Mrs. Affleck posted a TikTok of her and Ben cuddling, set to the sound of a kid saying, “Guys, I did it! I found the person that makes me the happiest I have ever been.” So far, the video has 8.5 million views, and a good chunk of those viewers are voicing the same concern: is Ben Affleck… okay?
Kanye West Tweeted That He’s Going On A 30-Day Speaking, Porn, And Sex Cleanse (Tweeting Not Included)
Another day means another hot and fresh batch of bullshit from Ye. In between paying out settlements to former employees for exposing them to his antisemitic rhetoric and gearing up to purchase Parler (so he can say even worse things than he already has without getting suspended every couple of days), Kanye West took time out of his busy schedule of finding new ways to dwindle his kids’ inheritance to post on Twitter that he’s going to shut his ignorant suck hole, close his Pornhub browser tab, and say “no” to sex for 30 days. However, he says that he’ll still be tweeting.
Open Post: Hosted By The Oasis Cover Band Who Has Been Stranded At A Yorkshire Pub For Three Days Because Of A Snowstorm
The Manchester Evening News reports that the Oasis cover band Noasis and around 50 “punters” (British slang for customers) are stranded at the Tan Hill Inn in the Yorkshire Dales after a blizzard buried them in 5 feet of snow. The snow blocked cars and roads, making escape virtually impossible. And that was on Friday. These poor souls are currently on Day 4 of hearing Wonderwall on loop. God help them all!
TMZ Says That Kanye West Is In The Middle Of A Bipolar Episode
Kanye West made 2020 even fucking worse when he announced he’s running for POTUS (under the Birthday Party) and then did a wild Forbes interview where he rambled on about how he’s against vaccinations, abortions, Planned Parenthood, and chemicals (yes, the man who is married to a real-life Captain Planet villain is against chemicals) but is all about GOD. Well, TMZ has a not-at-all surprising explanation for why his interview sounded like a manic meltdown. That’s because it was, so says “sources” who talked to TMZ. Meanwhile, as Kanye melts down, Kris Jenner cackles while thinking about becoming the First Mother-In-Law of the United States and Kim Kardashian shrugs and takes more pictures of her looking like a chola’s period stain.
Open Post: Hosted By Lenny Kravitz Asking For The Safe Return Of His Lost Sunglasses
At last, we have a national crisis that doesn’t involve the potential loss of life, the unraveling of a nation, or any criminal activity more serious than possible petty theft. Lenny Kravitz has lost his sunglasses (I inadvertently just typed his name as “Lenny Sunglasses” and that’s what we should all call him moving forward). Lenny #TookToTwitter with a plea for help in finding his lost sunnies which came up missing after a recent gig. It seems like Lenny’s always losing track of things at gigs. Jesus, he’d probably lose his dick if it wasn’t attached to him!