After getting hit with a surprise divorce papers in early May, Kevin Costner is going through the traditional messy drama ritual that every celebrity must go through when splitting with their partner. First, there’s speculation that his estranged wife, Christine Baumgartner, is leaving because Kevin is a serial cheater. Then Christine decided she’s not leaving their house despite whatever a silly prenup says. Then some vague news surfaced that Kevin’s ex-tenant, Daniel Starr, was kicked out because of some fight between the Yellowstone star and David that involved Christine. Now Christine is airing out all the details behind how Kevin spends his paychecks, presumably to receive better spousal support. She’s after that Waterworld money!
Reese Witherspoon and Jim Toth–seen here giving “creepy couple who seemed to pop up everywhere you’d turn at a discount all-inclusive resort to insist on buying you a drink because they ‘saw you from across the bar and really liked your vibe’” realness–snuck in an end-of-the-week joint divorce announcement on Instagram just two Fridays ago after reportedly “growing apart.” And it looks like Reese is wasting no time getting rid of Jim and his midlife crisis jewelry; because she has already officially filed. They have a prenup in place, so the financial aspect might not get that messy.
Last week former football player/virgin Bachelor disaster Colton Underwood announced his engagement to political strategist Jordan C. Brown. The two haven’t been dating a particularly long time; 30-year-old Colton only came out as gay last spring, and he and Jordan, 39, went Instagram-official at the end of 2021. But true love has no timeline. It also doesn’t have a prenup. Yep, the couple has no interest in signing a prenuptial agreement, because Colton says they’re “in it for the long haul.” Awww, that’s the kind of blind Christian optimism that inspires a closeted gay man to sign on to The Bachelor!
Octavia Spencer is no mean ass MA in real life! Unlike the 90 bajiilliondy other people who joked about Britney Spears needing to get a prenup before marrying her boyfriend Sam Asghari, Octavia actually felt bad about it. Even though Sam agreed! Earlier this week when Britney announced her engagement on Instagram, Octavia commented “make him sign a prenup,” days later, Britney deleted her Instagram. Now, Britney said she’s just “taking a little break” from social media to celebrate her engagement and that she’d be back soon. But sounds like Octavia took that shit personally. And she’s very sorry!
If your eyeballs have a case of the Mondays, then it may have looked like Britney Spears was throwing up a period-tipped middle finger, and you probably guessed that was directed at her dad/soon-to-be-ex-conservator Jamie Spears. But that’s Brit Brit’s hitchin’ finger (which looks like it’s actually her right ring finger but the image is probably flipped or Brit Brit’s starting a new trend).
Just a quick minute before this year’s MTV VMAs (or as us olds know it as, “that time of year when we scream, ‘Who are these fetuses?!'”), Britney snatched the spotlight by announcing on Instagram that her boyfriend of nearly five years, Sam Asghari, is now her betrothed. And as Daddy Spears prolapses with rage, Starbucks has begun working on a stunning wedding dress made out of Venti paper cups, a bridal version of their Starbucks mermaid crown, and a magnificent Frapp-flavored wedding cake.
When she heard the news that a judge had just validated her prenup, Kelly Clarkson belted out a yee-haw so pure and true she made all her fellow judges on The Voice turn their chairs around for her. According to TMZ, Kelly’s ex-husband, dilettante rancher and former music manager Brandon Blackstock, might need to start thinking about a third career since Kelly is now free to sell the Montana ranch SHE bought. And Brandon’s probably gonna have to wean himself off the $200,000 a month teat he’s been suckling as well. Yee motherfuckin’ haw indeed!