Category: Jim Toth
Reese Witherspoon Officially Filed For Divorce From Jim Toth, And They Have a Prenup
Reese Witherspoon and Jim Toth–seen here giving “creepy couple who seemed to pop up everywhere you’d turn at a discount all-inclusive resort to insist on buying you a drink because they ‘saw you from across the bar and really liked your vibe’” realness–snuck in an end-of-the-week joint divorce announcement on Instagram just two Fridays ago after reportedly “growing apart.” And it looks like Reese is wasting no time getting rid of Jim and his midlife crisis jewelry; because she has already officially filed. They have a prenup in place, so the financial aspect might not get that messy.
Sources Say Reese Witherspoon And Jim Toth’s Marriage Took A Major Hit From His “Midlife Crisis” And The Sale Of Her Company
Last Friday, Reese Witherspoon announced that she and her husband, Jim Toth, were getting a divorce after 12 years of marriage. In her Instagram statement, Reese said she and Jim’s biggest priorities are their sons, 10-year-old Tennessee James Toth, and the rest of their family. So, Reese’s kids with her first husband, Ryan Phillippe, 23-year-old Ava, and 19-year-old Deacon. Soon after the news broke, a source told Page Six that there was “no big scandal or drama”; they just fell out of love. This week, insiders tell The Sun and Radar Online that the marriage went “horribly wrong” due to Jim’s professional failures and a (dun dun duuuuun) midlife crisis! Continue reading
Laura Jeanne Poon Is Oppressive
He’s totally trying to get the taste of the ballgag out of his mouth in that picture. One of the greatest contributions to our culture is Michael K. divining the extremely patriotic and sickeningly entitled Reese Witherspoon‘s real name to be “Laura Jeanne Poon”. It’s not really , but “Poon” is so perfect that I pretend it’s troof! Having the surname of “Poon” is the reason why Reese seems so uptight and utterly humorless. It’s also why life behind the hundreds of doors to her three mansions is joyless and stifling for her spouse.
Showbiz Spy reports (have your grain of salt ready) that Reese’s husband Jim Toth is only allowed to speak to her on a schedule. My name is Laura Jeanne Poon, I’ll be your mistress tonight. *sound of buttplug being shoved in Jim’s ass without lube*
“Jim knows when and when not to speak, based on a set schedule Reese has made,” a source said. “Jim will do anything in his power not to upset his wife… and when she doesn’t want him to speak, he shuts up.”
“Reese, I…” “SILENCE, INFIDEL! IT’S NOT 3:30 PM! Your next declarative sentence is allowed then and only then, scum!”
Madge doesn’t know shit about enslavers! She needs to have tea at Laura Jeanne Poon’s house sometime. Jimmy serves it. In a gimp suit. On his hands and knees. With the tray on his back. *shiver* It’s kinky at the Poon residence.