Sources Say That Britney Spears Is Alive And Well In Mexico, Despite A Fan Theory That She’s In Danger
Well, it looks like some of the #FreeBritney people have become #RIPBritney people. Because for a bit, there have been conspiracy theories that a freed Britney is in danger, or possibly dead, or being controlled by her “closeted” husband, Sam Asghari. Um, not everything is related to White Lotus season two. I’m not sure if evil gays are not trying to Britney Spears.
Now that Jamie Spears isn’t able to skim off the top of Britney Spears’ fortune anymore and Kevin Federline is exactly one Popozão away from his and Britney’s sons aging out of their child support, it was time for Jamie and Kevin to frantically secure that bag by any means necessary. And since two dickheads are better than one, they’ve teamed up to “write” a book on fatherhood because Al Bundy and Jack Torrance must be busy.
A Spears family member has spoken out. And it’s not Jamie Lynn via reality TV show or Britney with a thousand smiley face/knife emojis on Instagram. It’s the patriarch of the Spears clan himself: Jamie Spears! We haven’t heard much from Jamie outside of comments from the family’s legal battle and Britney’s warm wish that her father enjoys a lovey Sunday roast. Unable to keep silent, Jamie has finally spoken “for the first time in a decade” with The Mail on Sunday. Followers of the pop star’s social media presence, prepare yourselves. Hell hath no fury like a Brit Brit scorned!
Since we know that Jamie Lynn Spears’ daughter, Maddie Aldridge, ended up making a full recovery and all is well now, it’s ok to say that letting an 8-year-old drive an ATV is one of the most characteristically yeehaw Spears Family activities if I’ve ever heard of one. But according to recent tweets that Britney Spears has since deleted, the 2017 accident came as a complete shock. It caused her to “lose her mind” when she alleges her family allowed her to mistakenly think that Maddie (now 14) had died, though she eventually did learn the truth of the situation and ask for prayers for her niece’s healing. Britney retold the story yesterday in an attempt to reiterate the many ways in which all of the members of her family have mistreated her.
Now that Britney Spears has chewed through the muzzle known as her conservatorship, she is barking and snapping at all those who have wronged her. And two of the folks she’s been biting at are her parents, Jamie and Lynne Spears. Last week, Britney revealed a time when her mother Lynne allegedly landed a quick five-finger caress across her face, and now it’s Jamie’s turn to get slapped down by Britney again. Britney continues to tell the world about how her father has allegedly abused her during the 13-year conservatorship. And recently, Britney recounted a time during the conservatorship when Jamie forced her to undergo unnecessary MRIs. And in a long-delayed thank you note, Britney suggests he take a vacation to a place where he’ll never need long pants or a coat. (Spoiler alert: it’s HELL).
It looks like the Spears family is continuing to air out their issues and feelings during family therapy, only instead of doing it in a family therapist’s office, they’re doing it through The Daily Mail and Instagram, and instead of airing out their issues and feelings to a family therapist, they’re doing it to a Daily Mail interviewer and their followers.
Last month, Kevin Federline decided to talk about Britney’s relationship with their sons during an interview with The Daily Mail (an interview that also aired on Britain’s ITV). KFed said that their sons, 16-year-old Sean Preston Federline and 15-year-old Jayden James Federline, made the decision to not see their mom and suggested that they’re embarrassed by their mom displaying her emoji-covered Brit bits on Instagram. Brit Brit hit back at KFed for running his mouth about private shit and added that her relationship with her sons was strained before her Instagram posts and that it’s hard to talk to them when they’re hateful toward her. KFed hit back by posting private videos of her fighting with their teenage sons. There hasn’t been much of a pause from the messiness since then. KFed continued to talk about Britney and her conservatorship in an interview with 60 Minutes Australia that airs this weekend, and now the youngest Cheetoling, Jayden James, has talked to interviewer Daphne Barak, the same reporter who KFed spilled to. Are the thousands upon thousands of dollars that KFed gets from Brit Brit not enough? KFed should start a shameless GoFundMe project as a normal person does! For fuck’s sake, I’ll even stream PopoZão on a loop (with the mute button on) so that KFed can get some extra coins.
Brit Brit has since responded to Jayden’s interview in an open letter to him that she posted on Instagram. It goes without saying that this story is sponsored by the letters: M-E-S-S.