This morning, The Sun reported that there was going to be a sequel to The Holiday (2006), and all the main cast members had signed on to reprise their roles including Kate Winslet, the semi-retired Cameron Diaz, Jack Black, and Jude Law (aka Britain’s answer to Nick Cannon). But before rom-com fans could celebrate, that no-good Grinch Nancy Meyers took to Instagram to ruin the fun. 72-year-old Nancy, who wrote and directed the original movie, added this caption to a screenshot of the “news” story: “So many DM’s about this – sorry but it’s not true.” Then she limited Instagram comments, probably because she was getting death threats from horny Jack Black fans. They call themselves “Jackers,” and they’re TERRIFYING.
Who’d have imagined a big tough OG like Ice Cube would be scared of a little prick. Yet, according to The Hollywood Reporter, Cube has walked away from a $9 million paycheck because he refused to comply with a request to get vaccinated against COVID-19 by producers of a film called Oh Hell No co-starring Jack Black. And just like that, a weary world goes into mourning for what was lost. Now we’ll never know what happens when “mayhem erupts between two friends, Sherman and Will, when Sherman falls in love with Will’s mother, much to Will’s disapproval.”(via Google) Alas, we’ll all just have to do our own research if we want to find out the truth.
Chris Pratt Will Voice Super Mario In An Upcoming Animated Film, And The Internet Has Thoughts On That
Super Mario, the world’s most famous princess-rescuing Italian in overalls, will be getting another big-screen Hollywood movie. Mario’s first was the 1993 fever dream Super Mario Bros.: The Movie. This new one is an animated movie and the actor whose voice will bring Mario’s peppy, joyful Italian-accented personality to life is…Chris Pratt. If your immediate response was to check and see if I spelled someone else’s name wrong, well – you’d be in good company with the rest of the internet, who also have no idea why Chris Pratt got the job.
Poor Jack Black. In pre-pandemic times fans would run up to him on the street and scream, “Jack Black, Jack Black, I loved you in Goosebumps 2! Do something funny, please?!” Then he’d do a little dance or play the drums on his belly and everyone would laugh and applaud and cheer. Without these precious encounters to fuel him, Jack the Performer is dying. So he’s resorted to filming seductive backyard dances and posting them to social media. Last time he put on a Speedo and humped the ground to “WAP”. For his follow-up, he’s opted for prancing around in a skintight Spiderman suit. Jack leaps, kicks, jumps, humps (again), crawls, climbs walls, and wiggles his lil’ butt for the camera.
There’s some whores in this house, and it turns out one of them is Jack Black! A decided improvement over Kylie Jenner. Yesterday the School of Rock star (he’ll always be Dewey Finn to me) posted an Instagram video of him doing the WAP dance wearing a red Speedo. Sure, Jack’s moves weren’t as sharp as Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion’s, the video wasn’t done in one take, and someone’s hosing him down like a car, but the enthusiasm is there! And when it comes to the Wet Ass Pussy dance, that’s all that counts.
One possible anagram of Ansel Elgort is Enlarge Slot, which may actually be quite fitting. According to The Internet, anyone finding themselves with the opportunity to receive Ansel’s Elgort, may need to do just that. We are getting reports that Baby Driver’s gear shift is a baby’s arm. I know these are dry and flaccid times we are living in, and as such, I’m horrified to report that The Internet has decided that inspecting Ansel’s bulge with such scrutiny that he would up trending on Twitter, was a good use of its time. And the consensus is that DJ Adolescent Jared Kushner is packing meat.