We’re at a moment in time where typing “All Lives Matter” on various social media platforms should trigger an automatic pop-up that asks, “Are you sure this is the message you want to communicate?“. Because as we all should have learned by now, whether through self-education or that burning house comic, shouting “All Lives Matter” right now isn’t exactly a helpful thing to do. Still, a bunch of people have been responding to Seth Rogen’s recent Instagram post amplifying the Black Lives Matter message by clogging up his comments with the insistence that, “All Lives Matter.” If Seth’s fans were hoping to engage with Seth, they got what they wished for. The only thing is, his response has been to very bluntly request that they all go fuck themselves.
How nice it must have been for her to be in the presence of royalty. After all, it’s not every day that one meets the indisputable Queen of Music, Beyoncé Knowles-Carter. I’m of course kidding, because I’m sure Beyoncé – a noted Duchess of Sussex fan – was also very thrilled to be meeting a royal like Duchess Meghan.
Now we know why Disney decided to do an all-CGI remake (although, it’s supposed to be GAME CHANGING!) of their cartoon movie The Lion King. It isn’t just because those greedy overlords at Disney knew that they could throw their logo on any summertime movie and it’ll allow them to say, “Sure, order four!”, with ease when Mickey Mouse calls asking if he can order another crate of vintage Dom Perignon while partying with his side-hos and Leonardo DiCaprio on his yacht in Italy somewhere. They knew that if they got Beyonce to graciously possess the body of a CGI Nala with her ethereal holiness, they might also get her to make an entire Lion King album, and then they’d make even more money.
Well, Mickey Mouse can go ahead and make it rain $1,000 cashiers checks instead of $100 bills on his yacht girls this summer, because Beyonce (and her ghost curators) has curated an entire album inspired by The Lion King.
It’s official, Seth Rogen’s hot now. The Internet Commission On Who Can Get It rushed an emergency vote last night after pictures from his recent GQ cover story were submitted and Seth’s in. He joins an elite group of PowerPotheads who’ve made the cut as highly fuckable celebrities called the FOP (friends of Pitt). It turns out a lot of people’s ideal man is a high functioning pothead with a Canadian accent and a good stylist. Also must love dogs. Seth’s cover shot features his beloved pooch Zelda.
Charlize Theron has found herself in the middle of a cultural firestorm once again when she called out a French TV presenter for getting way too familiar with her translator on air. Charlize recently appeared on what I have to assume is France’s version of The Family Feud, TPMP (Touche pas à mon poste, or, Don’t Touch My Post! translated), which is hosted by someone I have to assume is France’s version of Richard Dawson, Cyril Hanouna. Charlize was there with her Long Shot costar Seth Rogen and was moved to comment when Cyril gave her translator Nadia a kiss on the cheek after getting “bossy” with her about where to stand during the segment. Sacre bleu!
For the first time in furstory, RuPaul needs to tell both Mufasa (James Earl Jones) and Scar (Chiwetel Ejiofor) to sashay away. The time came for them to lipsync for their lives, and they both fucked it up. In the first full-length trailer for Disney’s “live-action” remake of The Lion King, it’s impossible to tell what is a voiceover and what is supposed to be coming out of them critters’ mouths. Sorry, Disney. This is not an improvement. I honestly think they’ve made a grave mistake. None of this looks right to me. In the original, Simba smiled to express joy. You cannot have a realistic lion smile, it would be positively ghoulish. So they’ve all got weird, stiff mouths and they should have kept their veils on.