Like many people on Earth (presumably), Spider-Man 2 (2004) is one of my favorite films. I love Kirsten Dunst and her little teefies, Tobey Maguire was a cutie, and, thanks in part to an incredibly explicit sex dream about Alfred Molina, it is my belief that Otto “Doctor Octopus” Octavius is the best movie superhero villain of all time. All-time! So imagine my horny surprise when it was announced that a bunch of old Spider-verse actors are either in talks or confirmed to return for the third Spider-Man film starring Tom Holland. That includes Kirsten, my dream-lover Alfred Molina, plus Andrew Garfield as the second Spider-Man, Emma Stone as Gwen Stacy, and Jamie Foxx as Electro (who?)!
I don’t know about you, but I had a perfectly good and normal weekend curled up in a fetal position in the shower glugging down a bottle of special occasion “End Times” wine in between racking sobs. Basically, I didn’t do shit. But as Kristian mentioned earlier, quite a few celebrities spent the weekend out in the streets with Black Lives Matter, protesting police brutality, spurred by the recent murders of George Floyd and Breanna Taylor by the police. Some of them didn’t even post about it on social media, they just showed up! But many more took to their notes apps instead to express their solidarity with the BLM movement. Billie Eilish took aim at #AllLivesMatter types telling them to “shut the fuck up.” And Lady Gaga came for Donald Trump, accusing him of “fueling a system that is already rooted in racism.” And the always outspoken Pink!, well she just re-posted Billie’s post. But it’s the thought that counts! #thoughtsandprayers.
In 2005, Jamie Foxx was nominated for Best Actor (for Ray, which he won), and Best Supporting Actor (for Collateral). And I believe it’s Hollywood law that once you are nominated for or win an Oscar, you are forever known as “Academy Award nominee/winner ____” for the rest of your career. In short, everyone basically agrees you’re generally good at acting. But before 2005, way back in 1999, someone thought Jamie couldn’t act his way out of a trash can, and that man was Oliver Stone.
Jamie Foxx and Katie Holmes are OVER over (for now, anyway) after about six years of mostly down-low dating. Jamie is handling the break-up the way most 50-year-old famous rich men handle a long term relationship break-up…. by getting with a 21-year-old. Katie is reportedly unfazed by Jamie drying his eyes on 21-year-old ass cheeks, and it’s not only because Katie is already used to Jamie dipping it in pieces other than her, but also because she’s reportedly the one who did the dumping.
Now we know why Disney decided to do an all-CGI remake (although, it’s supposed to be GAME CHANGING!) of their cartoon movie The Lion King. It isn’t just because those greedy overlords at Disney knew that they could throw their logo on any summertime movie and it’ll allow them to say, “Sure, order four!”, with ease when Mickey Mouse calls asking if he can order another crate of vintage Dom Perignon while partying with his side-hos and Leonardo DiCaprio on his yacht in Italy somewhere. They knew that if they got Beyonce to graciously possess the body of a CGI Nala with her ethereal holiness, they might also get her to make an entire Lion King album, and then they’d make even more money.
Well, Mickey Mouse can go ahead and make it rain $1,000 cashiers checks instead of $100 bills on his yacht girls this summer, because Beyonce (and her ghost curators) has curated an entire album inspired by The Lion King.
Jamie Foxx and Katie Holmes, have spent years dodging the attention surrounding their “Are They Doin’ It?” romance but last night at the Met Gala they gave the people what they wanted (wait, did we want it?) by appearing together for the first time at the Met Gala. Even though it was a bit brief, and Jamie probably spent the night trying to find a side piece to hump on at the after-party.