As Brad Pitt magnanimously awaits a peaceful resolution to his custody dispute with Angelina Jolie, he appears to be taking stock of where life has brought him thus far, and found it lacking, if not in wealth, perhaps in meaning. According to People, Brad has “quietly listed” his Los Feliz home of 30 years for $40 million. What good is a sprawling compound if you have no one with which to share its bounty? What good is a swimming pool, tennis court and skating rink on 1.9 acres in a dense urban enclave to a divorced dad of six whose only true goal in life is to be loved (by the HFPA et al)? When does “real property” become a painful specter of all that’s been lost, and all your heart truly yearns for, is all that’s yet to be found? When one is stripped of the trappings of fame and fortune, all that remains is the truth.

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Cardi B appears on REVOLT’s The Jason Lee Show tonight, talking to the other Jason Lee about her relationship with Offset, their marital issues, etc. And I mean, that’s a lot of ground to cover between her half-assed divorce attempt and all of the hiding of his phone that Offset does. But Cardi is sticking by her man, and she says as much in her interview. She better because Cardi almost went to jail for that man, and pleaded out for arranging a strip club beatdown on the woman who slept with him. And she almost got in trouble again, as Cardi did not manage to complete the measly amount of community service she was sentenced to and had to go back to court over it.

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Now that Madonna will be ceasing her mummification treatments in preparation for a brand new tour starting this summer, perhaps she may want to bring Jennifer Lopez along to correct an egregious error. We all remember back in 2003 when Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera were treated to a mouth-to-mouth session with Madonna during the MTV Video Music Awards, leading to one of the most iconic (and cringeworthy) moments in VMA history. Now, imagine if we yanked Xtina offstage and substituted her deflated cakes with J. Lo’s rotund rump because she claims she was the original choice to dance alongside Madonna.

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The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills has been going through a cast shake-up due to the last season being a not-fun-to-watch mess, but it looks like OG/Queen Bee who’s allergic to bees, Kyle Richards is safe. She’s best known for feuding with her sisters, Kathy Hilton and Kim Richards–who’ve both been on the show–and starting drama between the other women but walking away an innocent victim who just somehow happened to get caught in the crossfire. But it looks like in her RHOBH downtime, she decided to inadvertently give everyone something to talk about by posting a bikini pic to her Instagram stories. It didn’t go well, as it usually doesn’t, and many accused Kyle of taking type 2 diabetes drugs to achieve her recently more svelte physique.

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The Legendary Bitter Biddy from a 90s Life Alert commercial!

Yesterday, after I made the Hoveround Queens of the Grand Canyon, Bernice Fitzgerald and Joy Cullison, Hot Sluts of the Day, reader Jon e-mailed me about another commercial memaw icon. Jon asked me if I remembered the sassy old lady from a 90s Life Alert commercial. I didn’t until he reminded me of her and all her beautifully bitter glory!

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