Category: Hot Slut of the Day

Hot Slut Of The Day!

March 18, 2019 / Posted by:

The turkey crossing guard!

Remember that movie The Crossing Guard from the 90s that starred Jack Nicholson? I never saw it and don’t know if it’s about an actual crossing guard, but I can still say that this 2019 reboot of it is a zillion times better than the original.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

March 17, 2019 / Posted by:

Redd, the glamorous ginger wench turned glamorous ginger pirate queen from the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland!

If sidewalks had feelings (“You stupid, uncaring bitch! Sidewalks do have feelings!” – sidewalk activists), they’d dread this day all year long, because it’s the day that lightweight drunken messes spew yeasty green barf all over them in between guzzling glass after glass of the yeast infection of a lady leprechaun (green beer) during a pub crawl. It’s the Feast of Saint Patrick today (and I guess St. Patrick only feasted on booze), and in honor of this day, I’m going to pay tribute to an Irish icon: REDD!

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

March 16, 2019 / Posted by:

Vault Soda!

“What the people want is the brain-punching meth baby of accused ball shrinker Mountain Dew and Surge that’ll electrocute their eyelids open and cause their walls to crack from them bouncing off that shit so much!” is probably what a Coca-Cola executive said while pitching Vault in the early-aughts. In 2005, Coca-Cola brought diabetes nectar (soda) and liquid crack (energy drinks) together when they started selling Vault. Vault was meant to be Coca-Cola’s reboot of Surge, which they killed in 2003 (but after Surge-heads cried for its return, they brought it back in 2014).

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

March 15, 2019 / Posted by:

The entrance of Imaginarium!

During the golden era of malls in the 1980s, Toys ‘R’ Us Inc. dropped some educational magic into malls by opening up Imaginarium, which to my sweet nectar-loving adult mind sounds like a magical wonderland where they only sell GIN. But Imaginarium was an enchanting emporium of educational toys. Since I’ve always been dumb trash, the idea of “educational” toys put me to sleep then and it puts me to sleep now, but I still loved to skip through its magnificent square pink entrance.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

March 14, 2019 / Posted by:

Life Savers Creme Savers!

March 13, 2019 was the day I discovered that I can not just strut into any old Rite-Aid to buy a bag of Life Savers that a sugar elf jizzed all over while twirling in a circle. It seems like Creme Savers aren’t as easy to get as they used to. And although there’s some fraudulent versions out there, I’m sure it’s not the same and when you put one in your mouth, you channel Jodie Foster in Sommersby by screaming, “You are not my husband Life Savers Creme Savers!”

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

March 13, 2019 / Posted by:

The Where’s The Beef? board game from the 80s!

Long before the coochie of Shia LaBeouf’s piece of the moment asked, “Where’s the beef?“, when he’d stick it all the way in, it was a catchphrase that took over the 1980s. Anyone who didn’t fall asleep during American history class knows that “Where’s the Beef?” was first spit out by actress Clara Peller in a Wendy’s commercial in 1984. The line was subtle skinny-shaming shade directed at Wendy’s rivals like McDonald’s for serving sad slabs of scrawny burger meat. I always thought the campaign ran for decades, but it only lasted until 1985, and Clara moved on to get coins from Prego where she starred in a commercial that featured her saying, “I found it. I really found it.” She died in 1987.

“Where’s the beef?” took over the mid-80s, and there were t-shirts, mugs, and an extra small condom line (I made that up, sadly). And because everything big in the 80s became a board game, it was a board game.

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