Hot Slut Of The Day!
The Legendary Bitter Biddy from a 90s Life Alert commercial!
Yesterday, after I made the Hoveround Queens of the Grand Canyon, Bernice Fitzgerald and Joy Cullison, Hot Sluts of the Day, reader Jon e-mailed me about another commercial memaw icon. Jon asked me if I remembered the sassy old lady from a 90s Life Alert commercial. I didn’t until he reminded me of her and all her beautifully bitter glory!
Life Alert, of course, is a medical alarm that senior citizens can either put on a wall in their house or wear around their neck or wrist, and it allows them to call for help with the touch of a button. The forever reigning queen of the Life Alert commercials is the I’ve Fallen And I Can’t Get Up Lady (played by Edith Fore). But for us bitches who have a gold medal in grudge-holding, our Life Alert goddess is today’s HSOTD. The commercial opens with a Life Alert stamp of approval from former U.S. Surgeon General C. Everett Koop and then shows us testimonials from customers played by actors. At around the 0:25 mark, today’s HSOTD shows up and, while giving us a bitchy head shake, says in so many words, “My family ain’t shit!“:
“When you have a heart attack like I did, and there’s no one there, Life Alert was there for me.”
And she shows up again a second later in the commercial to once again let us know that Life Alert is an angel sent from above, unlike her ungrateful children from HELL who’d coldly put her in a nursing home if it wasn’t for the one true thing that cares for her (Life Alert). And yes, I got all that from these two little lines:
“I couldn’t handle the alternative of going to a nursing home. If it wasn’t for Life Alert, that’s where I’d be.”
Here’s my favorite Life Alert star in action:
She’s probably still alive today thanks to Life Alert (and NO thanks to her shitty children, the ones I made up). But when she does go off to the giant Life Alert in the sky, I’d love to be a fly on the wall during her will reading so that I can see the look on her children’s faces when they find out that she left everything to her precious Life Alert!
Pic: YouTube