Hollywood’s not going to have Brad Pitt to kick around anymore. He’s outta here! Dirt reports that Brad’s bespoke Los Feliz estate has sold to an undisclosed buyer for $39 million and change. Brad’s owned the property for three decades, and it was the childhood home of the six kids he shares(ed?) with Angelina Jolie. Considering that a witch once lived there, I imagine it’s haunted by many memories he’s all too happy to forget. What a fool. If I lived in a house where Elvira once hid in the closet, I’d never leave!
Brad Pitt, Who Is Not Worried About The Age Gap In His New Relationship, Put His LA Compound On The Market For $40 Million
As Brad Pitt magnanimously awaits a peaceful resolution to his custody dispute with Angelina Jolie, he appears to be taking stock of where life has brought him thus far, and found it lacking, if not in wealth, perhaps in meaning. According to People, Brad has “quietly listed” his Los Feliz home of 30 years for $40 million. What good is a sprawling compound if you have no one with which to share its bounty? What good is a swimming pool, tennis court and skating rink on 1.9 acres in a dense urban enclave to a divorced dad of six whose only true goal in life is to be loved (by the HFPA et al)? When does “real property” become a painful specter of all that’s been lost, and all your heart truly yearns for, is all that’s yet to be found? When one is stripped of the trappings of fame and fortune, all that remains is the truth.
Not having much of a personal investment in the outcome of Kanye West (sorry but mononyms like “Ye” must be earned, not taken) and Kim Kardashian’s divorce, I was surprised to find myself getting a little misty-eyed thinking about the potential fate of their haunted mausoleum which has provided me with many years of much-needed catharsis and amusement. Yet it seems Kim’s friend Foodgod (mononym earned) isn’t the only deity working in/for her favor. Even now that Kanye has been kicked to the curb, Hephaestus, the Greek God of design and creativity, continues to shine his favor on Kim and all she touches and sits her ass on in that barren wasteland she calls a home.
The dilapidated, condemned bungalow down the road, the 1-bed, half-bath new build in the gentrified part of town, and The Conjuring house. What do these three properties have in common? They’re all overpriced and have just been sold! The quaint cottage from the classic supernatural film The Conjuring was presumably snapped up quickly by someone who loves the demonic possession and has $1.5 million to burn. If you’re disappointed that you missed out, don’t worry. Whatever the house, the property market right now is a total nightmare!
If you have a spare $165 million burning a hole in your untraceable overseas bank account, I can think of no better use for it than buying a one-of-a-kind piece of Hollywood history. Dirt reports that Spelling Manor, Aaron and Candy Spellings’ shrine to 90s opulence, is on the market for the 3rd time since it was completed in 1990. Picture Tony and Carmella’s house from The Sopranos and double it exponentially until you get to 14 bedrooms, 21.5 baths, a 5,000 sq ft master suite, a bowling alley, a beauty salon, a screening room plus rooms dedicated to gift wrapping and flower-cutting. It’s one of the largest private homes in the entire world and was last purchased “sight unseen” by an anonymous Saudi Arabian buyer in 2019 for a record-breaking $120 million. My guess is that the buyer tacked on the extra $45 million to compensate for the pain and suffering they endured having spent the last 2 years roaming the halls looking for the front door.
Prince Andrew And Sarah Ferguson Are Selling Their $24 Million Swiss Chalet To Settle A Lawsuit Claiming They Still Owe $9 Million On It
Prince Andrew is selling his only remaining pot to piss in, a $22.75 million dollar chalet in Switzerland that he and his ex-wife Original Fergie bought from a friend (with mummy’s help of course!) in 2014. That means Andrew is going to have to start rooting through the recycling bin near the security gate at THE QUEEN‘s Royal Lodge estate, where he and Fergie are currently hiding out, looking for discarded water bottles to piss in from now on. Page Six reports that Andrew and Fergie have listed their beloved Chalet Helorain, in order to settle a lawsuit filed by the seller who claims they were shorted $9 million on the purchase. Imagine being born with a silver spoon in your mouth only to wake up one day and find your dick inside a crumpled Highland Springs bottle, urine dripping all down your hand. What a shame.