Category: Row Row Row Your Boat

Here’s The Final Cut Of “Gotta Be You” From “80 For Brady” Feat. Dolly Parton, Cyndi Lauper, Gloria Estefan And Their Kid Sister Belinda Carlisle

January 20, 2023 / Posted by:

Dolly Parton famously wrote I Will Always Love You and Jolene on the same night, so it should be no surprise that she was able to squirt out a dribbly little ditty as a favor to a couple of old friends in less time than it takes her to remove her false eyelashes at the end of the day. When Dolly’s homegirls Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin found themselves in a bind, having agreed to go against God’s Plan by signing up for starring roles in Tom Brady’s mid-post-post-career vanity project, 80 for Brady, alongside Sally Field and Rita Moreno, and needed help, Dolly was right there to lend a hand. And Dolly’s no Rose from Titanic! Her door is as wide as it is strong, and it’s always open to a friend in need. Dolly secured her rings and baubles and such before reaching her hand down into the frigid, inky-black depths of Tom’s ego and pulled her girls to safety. She then got her little orange emergency whistle out and started looking for other innocent souls at risk of drowning in Tom’s insatiable abyss. As dawn arose on that fateful night, Dolly’s door was teeming with refugees from the floating wreckage of Tom’s post-divorce career.

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Olivia Jade Is Worried That More Embarrassing Pictures Might Be Released

May 8, 2020 / Posted by:

As we know from her illustrious career as a wastrel YouTuber and professional selfie taker, Olivia Jade is very concerned with appearances, seemingly more so than she is with the possibility of her mom and dad, Lori Loughlin and Mossimo Giannulli, doing time in prison (which is very possible since a judge just ruled against dismissing their case). I mean, I can hardly blame her. None of it was her fault! All she wanted to do was put on makeup and pout from her mansion, and these fuckers are over here making her put on makeup and pout from a motherfucking DORMITORY?!? I think for Olivia, the real treachery wasn’t her parents’ alleged bribery and fraud, it was the fact that it led to unflattering, unfiltered photos of Olivia and her sister Isabella Rose on rowing machines wearing off-the-rack athleisurewear coming out. A couple of weeks ago we learned that Olivia was extremely embarrassed” by them. Now, according to Us Weekly, she’s afraid that more embarrassing pictures might be released.

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