Mariah Carey loves Mean Girls like Mariah Carey loves shading people. And she proved that when Mean Girls creator Tina Fey tested her knowledge for Billboard. Mariah easily got her Ph.D. in Mean Girls and did it while her fan was set to “Soap Opera Intro Breeze.”
Crisis averted! Dave Chappelle flew his ass all the way to Wyoming to check in on Kanye West. Kanye shared a video of himself, Dave, and a few other brothers, thanking Dave for coming to check on him after last night’s tweet storm. Sure it looks like a hostage video and Dave keeps trying to slink away from Kanye’s repeated attempts to get him to make a joke, but it’s no worse than that scene in Goodfellas where Joe Pesci asks if he’s funny like a clown. It’s just a bunch of guys having a laugh after one of them has publicly called his wife a whore and her mother a pimp!
It’s finished. It’s ready. And there’s an official release date. Mark it in your calendars, Lambs! September 29, 2020. The day Mariah Carey’s long-awaited memoir finally drops. Until then, use your time to burn every other book you own. Yep, even your childhood diaries. Yep, even the Bible. Yep, even your Harry Potters (which you may have already done even if you’re not one of Mimi’s Lambs). Mimi’s masterpiece will render them all obsolete.
Joel Osteen’s Easter Sunday Service happened yesterday, and Joel was supposed to celebrate God’s child on Earth, and also Jesus Christ. Kanye West was going to continue blessing us with that religious thing he’s been doing, but coronavirus has fucked that up a bit. Kanye’s holy act requires a giant choir, and because of social distancing, that’s not really possible, so he dropped out of Joel Osteen’s service. Aww, Jesus rose without his younger brother there. It’s really too bad coronavirus stopped this concert from being in person in the first place–I’m sure Kanye would meet a lot of black Trump supporters at a Joel Osteen Sunday Service.
Apparently this Sunday is Easter. Or maybe it’s Monday. I dunno, I’m no theologist. Alas, because of the pandemic, many will not be gathering for Easter egg hunts, family dinners, or church services. But that won’t stop millionaire televangelist Joel Osteen, a man revered for his giving spirit in times of crisis, from broadcasting Easter Sunday service out of his Houston megachurch.
And he’s gonna do it with a little help from his celebrity friends! TMZ says Joel’s good buddy Kanye West will perform in a virtual version of his own Sunday Service, Mariah Carey will sing Hero via webcam in tribute to medical professionals and first responders, and Tyler Perry plans to “deliver words of encouragement” (hopefully in full Madea drag).
The iHeart Living Room Concert For America aired on Fox last night, and many famous yodelers sang from their houses, which are infinitely nicer than yours. But don’t worry, unlike Gal Gadot’s Concert For Attention Whores Who Need Attention, this concert benefited a good cause with proceeds from the sale of merchandise going to feeding the hungry and helping people fighting the coronavirus pandemic.