The fifth season of The Crown premieres November 4, and everyone and their QUEEN-lovin’ grandmum is in a tizzy. First, we heard that the Royals are nervous about the show covering all their 90s scandals, namely everything Princess Diana-related. And maybe they’re right to worry, cuz yesterday it was revealed that the show will cover King Charles and Queen Consort Camilla’s Tampongate. Yesterday also brought us an open letter to The Times UK, courtesy of an absolutely fucking pissed-off Dame Judi Dench. She calls the show “cruelly unjust,” and says she supports the campaign to add disclaimers about the show being fictional. Well, today, the trailer for Season 5 finally dropped, and there ain’t no stinking disclaimer. Watch out, Netflix, Judi’s comin’ for ya!
You know the British Royal Family is pressed for some good PR because they have risked the very fabric of the monarchy by sending 4 of their highest ranking members to a movie premiere. And the movie is fucking cursed! I guess they’re running low on Egyptian antiquities to pilfer and instead decided to tempt the gods by sending Princes Charles and William, and Duchesses Camilla and Kate to go rub elbows with the Hollywood hoi polloi at the London premiere of No Time To Die, the James Bond movie that was supposed to have come out in 2019 and make Ana de Armas a star. And here we are, 2 years and 200 pap strolls later, and neither of those things has happened!
Last week, Marcia Gay Harden dropped some vintage Hollywood tea and suggested that in 2001 when she won the Best Supporting Actress Oscars for her performance in Pollock, Dame Judi Dench felt snubbed! You see, Judi had been nominated for her performance in Chocolat and, I mean–an American movie with a French name? That’s an Oscar-winner bay-bee! But now Page Six says Marcia Gay is sorry and that her words were “misinterpreted.” Well, was Judi stomping around backstage whining “Marcia! Marcia! Marcia!” or wasn’t she?
Nothing like a weekend story about 85-year-old acting legend, Dame Judi Dench, putting her lips on a big, floppy…fish, and blowing it back to life. There’s a joke in there that I’m just not going to touch (unlike Judi, who would not only touch it but probably slobber all over it!).
Dame Judi Dench has made history again. Not only was she the first transgender feline in a big-budget Hollywood musical, but she’s also become the oldest cover star of British Vogue magazine at the tender age of 85. Leonardo Di Caprio was stunned and amazed because he always forgets that women live past the age of 25.
And now for some much-needed wholesome content starring the one and only, Dame Judi Dench who, once this pandemic settles down, has a serious shot at landing a judging position on America’s Best Dance Crew––assuming that’s still a thing. If not, it should be brought back just for her.