Dame Judi Dench has made history again. Not only was she the first transgender feline in a big-budget Hollywood musical, but she’s also become the oldest cover star of British Vogue magazine at the tender age of 85. Leonardo Di Caprio was stunned and amazed because he always forgets that women live past the age of 25.
And now for some much-needed wholesome content starring the one and only, Dame Judi Dench who, once this pandemic settles down, has a serious shot at landing a judging position on America’s Best Dance Crew––assuming that’s still a thing. If not, it should be brought back just for her.
The nominations for the 2020 Golden Raspberry Awards have been announced, meaning that this year’s batch of unwatchable films and performances have been scooped and sifted from the litterbox and thrust back into the spotlight for one final evening before hopefully being flushed away forever.
To literally no one’s surprise, Cats led the nominations list, tying Rambo: Last Blood and A Madea Family Funeral, with eight disgraceful nods––guess those improved visual effects failed to disguise the fact that at the end of the day people were actually expected to pay money and enjoy watching a movie featuring an anaconda-less Jason Derulo, Taylor Swift (who didn’t even wear ONE beautiful gown) and a totally normal James Corden, in terrifying––and terrifyingly shitty––cat costumes.
The worst thing Dame Judi Dench ever did was go to bat for Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey–and then Cats came out. This thing is getting ripped to shreds and has instantly become a must-see visual mess classic. While Cats is getting panned by critics and the fans are hate-watching it like a high schooler would Two Girls One Cup, Judi is shedding a possible light in the darkness of this litter-stain of a film–Perhaps her character has a transgender element to it? Also perhaps she’s joking? Mostly the second.
After we were promised that the Cats movie was going to be every layer of insane, and after everyone prepared to throw their pussies against the screen from getting teased with Idris Elba shaking his shit as the mysterious criminal pussy overlord Macavity, the trailer finally hit our eyeballs and souls, and you better grab a gallon jug of holy water and hide the cat nip before pressing play. Because it is a night terror for all your senses. It does not disappoint.
They honestly should’ve waited until August 26 to release this trailer, because that’s International Dog Day, and this hacked-up musical hairball is a gift to canines everywhere. They’re all going to howl with happiness into the air over how Hollywood did catmanity. If this doesn’t cause all cats to finally rise up against us evil humans, I don’t know what will.
Earlier today, Idris Elba dropped a teaser for Cats on Instagram, and it truly is a Christmas in July situation, because this video has everything. It’s got Idris dancing. It’s got several front and back shots of Idris in grey sweatpants. It’s got Idris winking directly at the camera, for those who get off on eye contact. And if Idris Elba isn’t your thing, there’s also a couple shots of the bonkers-looking set, which will surely please anyone who thinks this movie is bound to be a mess.