The latest development in the Bond 25 saga, unfortunately, doesn’t involve anything as exciting as toilet cams, explosions, broken bones, Grace Jones’ spittle or Rami Malek being a weirdo. In fact, it’s kind of a snoozefest of a development. The official title (and release date) has been announced and it’s not Shatterhand as had been previously reported. Bond 25 will be titled No Time To Die, which harkens back to some of the classic titles of yore like Live and Let Die, Die Another Day, Tomorrow Never Dies, Die Like Your Life Depends on It, Die Becomes Her, and Don’t Die, Dry Your Eye (that’s the one where Slick Rick sang the theme song).
Things are a huge mess on the set of Bond 25, what with the explosions, toilet cams, and multiple walk outs. The Sun says that Prince Charles was recently offered a cameo role in the latest Bond film. And you might think that Prince Charles would decline their generous offer, explaining thanks but no thanks – he’s got enough public relations messes to deal with at his job already. But The Sun says Prince Charles is considering it.
If you think I’m using this cover story and interview with Vanity Fair merely as an excuse to spend some quality time reviewing Idris Elba’s Instagram page and post sexy pictures of him, you’re absolutely right. Thankfully, Idris also had some interesting things to say that I can include as text in between the sexy pictures of Idris Elba. Everybody wins!
Director Danny Boyle already shot his shot with James Bond and hit nothing but rim, but that’s not stopping him from dream-casting subsequent Bonds after Daniel Craig hangs up the tuxedo and Speedo for good. Danny’s dream Bond is soon-to-be Batman Robert Pattison. That’s a long shot, even if the franchise manages to survive the probably cursed Bond 25 production that Danny was originally hired to be direct before leaving over “creative differences” (maybe he tried to replace Daniel with a Jonas Brother or something). But then again, Robert has a better chance of becoming Bond at this point than Idris Elba, a woman, or Michael Jackson. So maybe Danny’s on to something.
You know how in theater folklore when everyone in a play loses their shit if you say “Macbeth” out loud, because it supposedly causes bad luck demons to ruin the play? Someone must have triggered the James Bond equivalent of the “Macbeth” curse (maybe someone said “Pussy Galore?”) because that set is cursed! The set is now a LITERAL shit show seeing as they reportedly arrested a guy for planting a toilet camera in the women’s loo on the set.
Whoever’s in charge of updating the “accident free for ___ days” sign in the break room at the Bond 25 studio has been getting a workout. They can go ahead and erase that 17 and set it back to zero. Last month Bond de jour Daniel Craig injured his ankle on set in Jamaica, requiring minor surgery and a 2-week production stoppage. Now, according to The Sun, an onset “controlled” explosion at Pinewood Studios caused some major damage and injured a crew member. Thankfully their injuries were only minor, but there are now major whispers that the production is cursed. Could it be that Freddie Mercury isn’t done vexing Rami Malek just yet, and followed him to his new place of business?