Category: Bond Shit

Miles Teller’s Grandmother Thinks He Should Be The Next James Bond

July 1, 2022 / Posted by:

It’s 100% false and untrue that Miles Teller has a face that only a mother could resist wanting to punch. For example, Mile’s granny Leona “Mup” Flowers thinks the sun rises and sets with every twinkle of his eye, and that the tides are tied to each douchey smirk that slides across his face. According to Mup, there’s nothing Miles can’t do, including a believable British accent. Us Weekly reports that Mup hopped on Twitter this week to suggest that her grandson would be the perfect actor to replace Daniel Craig as the next James Bond. Can’t you just picture it? No really, try. “The names Jim. Jim Bond. But you can call me Highball, that’s what my frat brothers call me. I’ll have a Bud Lite, shaken not stirred. No glass, I’m gonna shotgun it.” Swap the tuxedo for a Tommy Bahama shirt and I do believe that Mup might be onto something. Sorry, typo. On something.

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The Royals Attended The London Premiere of James Bond In “No Time To Die”

September 28, 2021 / Posted by:

You know the British Royal Family is pressed for some good PR because they have risked the very fabric of the monarchy by sending 4 of their highest ranking members to a movie premiere. And the movie is fucking cursed! I guess they’re running low on Egyptian antiquities to pilfer and instead decided to tempt the gods by sending Princes Charles and William, and Duchesses Camilla and Kate to go rub elbows with the Hollywood hoi polloi at the London premiere of No Time To Die, the James Bond movie that was supposed to have come out in 2019 and make Ana de Armas a star. And here we are, 2 years and 200 pap strolls later, and neither of those things has happened!

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The Release Date For “No Time To Die” Will Probably Be Postponed Yet Again

January 12, 2021 / Posted by:

I don’t know if there’s ever been a movie in recent memory so woefully cursed as No Time To Die. Release dates have come and gone and come again. We already watched the 2nd trailer back in September 2020. Ben Affleck was preemptively banned from the red carpet in August. It’s been nearly a year since we tried listening to Billie Eilish’s theme song and decided it was meh.  Want to feel old? They found that toilet camera on the set way back in June. OF 2019! Now, because of COVID, Deadline reports that the release date for the 25th James Bond movie has pushed back once again. Instead of getting it as an Easter basket, it’s going to be presented as a Thanksgiving turkey.

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Gemma Arterton Says She Played A Bond Girl To Pay Off Her Student Loans

December 29, 2020 / Posted by:

There are many reasons why an actress might accept the role of a Bond Girl in a James Bond movie. Like the chance to wear a great bikini, or utter absolutely iconic nonsense like: “Doctor Jones, Christmas Jones.” But for Gemma Arterton, who played the too-punny-for-its-own-good Strawberry Fields in 2008’s Quantum of Solace, opposite Daniel Craig, it wasn’t for any of those reasons above. According to Gemma, she did it solely because she wanted a fat Bond movie check.

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Ben Affleck Has Reportedly Been Banned From Attending The “No Time To Die” Premiere With Ana De Armas

August 3, 2020 / Posted by:

47-year-old Ben Affleck and 32-year-old Ana de Armas have turned coronavirus into a show, honey! They did not let a little lockdown take away from their time to grab attention. They’ve gone for pap strolls, pap strolls with his children, made out in music videos, got matching jewelry, looked at expensive houses together, went to protests. They have been busy. But there’s one place they will not be allowed to pose for photographers and that’s the premiere of the new Bond movie, No Time To Die, which Ana is in. After its original release date in April was pushed back, No Time To Die is scheduled to come out November 20 (but we’ll see what coronavirus has to say about that) and whenever the premiere happens, Ben will be blacklisted from it. Oh well, she’ll just have to walk the red carpet with her dog Salsa instead, which we can all agree is a better option.

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“Bond 25” Officially Has A Title

August 21, 2019 / Posted by:

The latest development in the Bond 25 saga, unfortunately, doesn’t involve anything as exciting as toilet cams, explosions, broken bones, Grace Jones’ spittle or Rami Malek being a weirdo. In fact, it’s kind of a snoozefest of a development. The official title (and release date) has been announced and it’s not Shatterhand as had been previously reported. Bond 25 will be titled No Time To Die, which harkens back to some of the classic titles of yore like Live and Let Die, Die Another Day, Tomorrow Never Dies, Die Like Your Life Depends on It, Die Becomes Her, and Don’t Die, Dry Your Eye (that’s the one where Slick Rick sang the theme song).

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