The season five premiere of Netflix’s The Crown is lurking just around the corner (November 9) ready to pop out and scream “OOGITY BOOGITY” at Britain’s new King Charles III which is just wrong given his age and general condition. He can barely tolerate holding a leaky fountain pen without screaming like a little bitch, so imagine what it’s going to be like for him to turn on the telly and see Dominic West’s weathered mug reminding the world that despite the fancy gold hat, he’s just a dude who got caught cheating on his wife. According to Salon, The Firm is nervous that The Crown will be focused on the interviews Charles and Princess Diana gave during that time, instead of on THE QUEEN who most likely spent the greater part of the 1980s and 90s tinkering with THE QUEEN-BOT she sent out to smile and wave while she hid out in the stables waiting for it all blow over.
The last season of The Crown ended with a then Prince Charles (Josh O’Connor looking way too genetically diverse) and Princess Diana (Emma Corrin looking way too down and to the side) wanting to end their marriage against THE QUEEN’s (Olivia Coleman looking perfect) wishes. The teaser trailer for season five suggests that the new season will dramatize an interview with Charles “where he admits to cheating” as well as the infamous BBC Panorama interview by Martin Bashir with Princess Diana (now played by Elizabeth Debicki). Salon reports:
Less than a month after the death of Queen Elizabeth II, Buckingham Palace is bracing itself for potential fallout due to a popular television program. The show is “The Crown,” and the palace? Apparently, they’re worried. This, according to a “senior royal insider” who told The Telegraph that the Netflix show is “exploitative” and wanted to stress to fans that the show, which chronicles the life of the queen and other royals starting in 1947, is “a drama not a documentary.”
Season 4 of “The Crown” ends with trouble. In the finale, titled appropriately with the double-meaning “War,” Princess Diana and then-Prince Charles want out of their marriage (Charles to be with the object of his long-term affair, Camilla; Diana to be free), but the queen is resistant. Left awkwardly and alone off to the side at a royal family Christmas photo, Diana’s eyes fill with tears in the last shot.
In that 30-second trailer, Diana and Charles are seen getting ready for respective television interviews while a barrage of journalists read headlines about the end of the royal couple’s marriage. “This is becoming all-out war,” says one voiceover, tying in nicely to the last episode’s title.
Here’s the trailer in case you missed it. THE QUEEN as played by Imelda Staunton is nowhere to be seen.
THE CROWN NATION WAKE UUUUUP pic.twitter.com/ECnd6ZpbVF
— s (@colmansfilm) September 24, 2022
Previously, Esquire reported that the tape on which Charles can be heard telling Queen Consort Camila (played next season by Olivia Williams) he’s super absorbent for her, will not be touched upon in The Crown, so at least there’s that. Salon adds:
The dissolution of Charles and Diana will obviously make up a large component of the next season of “The Crown.” But it’s not the only royal marriage that combusted during that time. Princess Anne divorced her then-husband Mark Phillips and Prince Andrew‘s marriage to Sarah, Duchess of York, also ended.
The source also reported to The Telegraph that the upcoming season of “The Crown” may create tension because the era it’s dramatizing is so recent. Real-life footage already exists of some of the show’s events and characters that will allow viewers to draw comparisons. Along with the well-known interviews of Diana and Charles, there are countless reels of news footage.
So this is all well-trod territory. What I’d like to know is when did monarchs become so sensitive? Why in my day, kings and queens were scared of real things like assassins, germs, and STDs. I mean, King George II popped an artery while on the crapper, and the first King Charles was beheaded! And here’s Chuckie Trips sweating over a little well-earned scrutiny from a digital streaming platform. God Save the King? From what exactly? A rating bonanza, that’s what. Salon notes that “after the queen’s passing, viewing hours shot up by 800% in the United Kingdom alone.” Charles should be kissing Netflix’s ass. The Firm hasn’t done those types of numbers since Original Fergie got her toes sucked!
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