I knew THIS moment would be coming after Will Smith started opening up about The Slap heard ’round the world in preparation for his upcoming film Emancipation and Oscar campaign. Will went on a brief apology tour over the summer, but he’s upping the ante with waterworks and a sweet story involving one of his family members during an interview with Trevor Noah on The Daily Show.
Billy Eichner may have seen this news and relaxed after calling out the Straights™ for not buying tickets to his gay romantic comedy Bros, which bombed at the box office. Because well, David O’Russell‘s Amsterdam bombed hard too. The star-studded film had a production budget of $80 million but only made $6.5 million at this past weekend’s box office. It did worse in theatres than Lyle, Lyle, Crocodile.
It’s a good thing Chris Rock told the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences to talk to the hand when they offered him the job of hosting the 2023 Oscars because based on his propensity for telling unfunny, half-baked “jokes” based on 30 year-old-references, Chris might find himself talking to an array of hands throughout the evening, making for the slappiest Oscars ceremony since 2022 (prior to that it was in 1988 when Cher won Best Actress for slapping Nic Cage in Moonstruck). Chris found himself the target of many a spiritual slap when he took the opportunity to make a crack about the brutal 1994 murder of Nicole Brown Simpson during a comedy set in Phoenix over the weekend. Chris quipped that the Academy asking him to come back and host the Oscars would be like asking Nicole to go back to the restaurant where she left her sunglasses before she and Ron Goldman were murdered by a mystery man with teeny tiny hands. Nobody found that shit funny, least of all Nicole’s sister Tanya Brown who, spiritually of course, told Chris to get her sister’s damn name out his mouth before someone slaps it out for him, spiritually of course.
Many moons ago, there was a moment during the Oscars where Will Smith introduced the inside of his hand to Chris Rock‘s face for the first (and hopefully) last time. And even though we can finally hear the fading remnants of that slap disappear into the background there are still people who are interested in its aftermath. Including The Academy. Will has attempted an apology multiple times while Chris has primarily remained silent, as he should because there might be another slap awaiting him in case he starts snitching!! And with this knowledge in mind, Chris rejected an offer to host the Oscars in the future, even though it would be the perfect opportunity to exact his revenge.
Honestly, I can’t believe people are still talking about that time Will Smith fucked with his career by playing Patty Cake with Chris Rock‘s face at the Oscars. And although Will is still trying to convince us that he’s sorry, we’ve all moved on and no longer care. Unfortunately for Zoe Kravitz, she says realized just a little too late she should have remained silent in the slap’s aftermath (the Slaps-termath?) and now wishes she never said anything in the first place because we’re living in a time when having an opinion can get you dragged all over social media.
4 months after The Slap™ heard round the world, Will Smith has posted a video apologizing to Chris Rock for his actions at the 2022 Oscars. Will’s YouTube vid, titled “It’s been a minute….”, clocks in at 5 minutes and 44 seconds, and features Will answering so-called fan questions. These questions include, “Why didn’t you apologize to Chris during your acceptance speech?”, “After Jada rolled her eyes, did she tell you to do something?”, and “Why did you choose to sit directly in front of a white ball light while wearing a white ball cap? It makes you look like an egg head. I feel like the production designer for this apology video should’ve caught that. Are you planning to slap the production designer for this apology video?”