The cackles from Satan were extra loud around Los Angeles yesterday because a member of the Koven, Kourtney Kardashian, announced another Kardashian spawn will soon be upon us. During Blink-182’s show at the BMO Stadium last night, 44-year-old Kourtney Kardashian announced that she’s pregnant with 47-year-old Travis Barker’s baby by holding up a sign in the audience that read, “Travis I’m Pregnant.” Say what you want about the Kartrashians (and we do ), but IN THIS ECONOMY and IN THIS JOB MARKET, they are keeping the nanny industry alive! So this is excellent news for nannies who need a job and also have the patience to stand there as it takes Kourtney forty-five minutes to drool out the words, “Don’t… feed… them… su… gar.”
After about a year and a half of spreading their insufferable tongue-touching love throughout the land, Kourtney and Travis married in several weddings last year. Since then, they’ve been trying to make a baby. They went through several rounds of IVF and heard suggestions from fertility experts, like how guzzling Travis’ jizz would help. If drinking man chowder helped lead to pregnancy, then every proud jizz guzzler in the land would beat Michelle Duggar’s baby-making record. Maybe that fertility doctor suggested baby-batter-drinking to Kourtney because he’d rather smell nut juice on her breath than her breath’s usual scent of salad dressing, fraudulent coochie gummies, and judgments. Whatever the case, Kourtney announced in an episode of The Kardashians last month that they were done with IVF. And at last night’s Blink-182 show, she announced that Travis Barker is going from her “future baby daddy” to her “current baby daddy.” Travis also proved that he missed his true calling of acting by giving an Oscar-worthy performance while pretending like he already didn’t know that his wife is pregnant.
Kourtney’s sign stunt was taken from Blink-182’s 1999 video for All The Small Things, where a fan holds up the same sign:
This will be Kourtney’s fourth child. She shares 13-year-old Mason Dash, 10-year-old Penelope Scotland, and 8-year-old Reign Aston with her ex Scott Disick. And Travis shares three children with ex-wife Shanna Moakler: 19-year-old Landon, 17-year-old Alabama, and 24-year-old stepdaughter Atiana. Speaking of Shanna Moakler, someone should check on her STAT! Because she’s probably in Urgent Care right now getting treated for a serious case of the gross-outs.
Pic: Hulu/The Walt Disney Company/Ima