If you had yourself a dysfunctional family holiday filled with drama, tussling, and messiness, just be a little grateful that your filthy laundry wasn’t aired beyond a ~cRyPTic~ Facebook post from your auntie. Because Prince Harry’s memoir, Spare, is out next week, so the promo tour for it has begun, and right now, The Firm is probably furiously trying to leak as many anti-Harry stories as possible as the Benny Hill theme song plays in their heads. In leaked excerpts from the book and promo interviews, Harry accuses Prince William of physically attacking him, says William and Kate Middleton co-signed his Nazi costume, calls William his “archnemesis,” and gets into the rumors that King Charles is not his biological father. Oh, and Harry and William’s nicknames for each other are “Harold” and “Willy.” I know, I buried the true lede!
Today, you can expect every single government to announce that December 8th is an international holiday where we must gather around our televisions and silently take in the instantly important cultural artifact now known as Netflix’s Harry & Meghan. After declaring war on Prince William and Princess Kate by dropping the first trailer for this shit during the Waleses’ Boston tour and cruelly paying all those fans to boo P. Willy and Kate at a Celtics game (that’s EXACTLY what happened!!!!), Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are back in the second trailer for their docuseries, where they continue to go on about why they left life as senior royals. Netflix also confirmed that Volume I (a pretentious way of saying “the first three episodes) will be released this Thursday, December 8th, and Volume II (a pretentious way of saying “the last three episodes”) will be released a week later on December 15th. But not to worry if you don’t have Netflix; you can catch this when it plays at the Smithsonian since that’s exactly where this pivotal piece of history is headed!
As Prince William and Princess Kate take Boston by STORM heavy rainfall so-so rainfall barely a light drizzle, Netflix has released the first trailer for Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s reality show, I mean, docuseries. You may be thinking that Harry, Meghan, and their PR team are cackling into the morning Montecito air over their trailer snatching the attention away from P. Willy and Kate’s three-day tour through the land of Dunkin. But according to sources, Harry and Meghan were trying to get Netflix to push the release of their docuseries into next year because they wanted to tone down what they’ve said about the Royal Family following the death of THE QUEEN. But Netflix needs to get their money’s worth from the multi-year deal they signed with Harry and Meghan two years ago, so they’re reportedly releasing the whole thing on December 8th. And this morning, the first trailer came out. So if the trailer cuts out while you’re watching it, that’s probably just from Meghan sneakily pulling the plug on Netflix’s server as Harry plays lookout.
Florence Pugh Is Reportedly Not Happy About Olivia Wilde And Harry Styles “On-Set Affair,” Which Is Why She Hasn’t Been Promoting “Don’t Worry Darling”
Florence Pugh is usually active on social media, and recently, she’s posted about Oppenheimer (a movie she’s got a supporting role in), dragged tricks for not letting her pink chiffon-covered nipple knobs be great, and used her Instagram likes to show her support for Johnny Depp. But one thing she hasn’t done recently is promote Don’t Worry Darling, a movie that she has the starring role in and comes out pretty soon (September 23). It seems like the last time Florence posted about Don’t Worry Darling was last year and on the same day that the movie’s second trailer was released, she posted about Oppenheimer instead. This has led to rumors that the real drama of Don’t Worry Darling happened behind the cameras. And now a source tells Page Six that Florence is pissed at Don’t Worry’s director Olivia Wilde for hooking up with the movie’s other star Harry Styles while still with Jason Sudeikis. But maybe Florence hasn’t been promoting it because she saw the trailer with the rest of us and thought, “Err, I don’t need to remind everyone that I’m in that bootleg Stepford Wives shit.”
Back in the pre-pandemic days of 2019, Coleen Rooney (right), wife of former footballer and manager Wayne Rooney, dropped an ultra ESCANDALO nugget (which if you’re British, you probably pronounce as ESCANDAL-OY!) when said that she had conducted an investigative sting operation to find out who was leaking stories from her private Instagram to The Sun. After successfully channeling the investigative energy of Sherlock Holmes, Jessica Fletcher, Miss Fisher, Poirot, and Detective La Toya, Coleen discovered that the dirty schemer was none other than fellow WAG….. REBEKAH VARDY! Rebekah (left), who is married to footballer Jamie Vardy, swore she was innocent and filed a libel suit against Coleen in 2020. Rebekah wanted to clear her good name and wipe the stank of betrayal off of her reputation. Well, the trial happened in May and did the opposite of cleansing Rebekah’s reputation. The judge ruled against Rebekah and declared her an “untrustworthy witness” who most likely destroyed more incriminating evidence.
Elon Musk Denies He Homewrecked Google Co-Founder Sergey Brin’s Marriage, Says He Hasn’t Had Sex In A While
The diet industry is probably in the Tummy Tea-infused shit can this morning and not because the state of the world is making many of us devour our feelings by shoving all kinds of deep-fried carb delicious into our eating holes without care. No, it’s because many of us have been forced to do intermittent fasting from hearing about Elon Musk busting nuts left and right. Who can eat anything while suffering from the heaves? Well, over the weekend, The Wall Street Journal got in on the adventures of 51-year-old Elon Musk’s dick and they say that it helped destroy the marriage of 48-year-old Google co-founder Sergey Brin and Sergey’s 37-year-old lawyer/entrepreneur wife Nicole Shanahan. But Elon Musk responded to the alleged tech bro billionaire drama, denying that he had an affair with Nicole and saying that he hasn’t “had sex in ages.” This is shocking to everyone who saw those topless pics of Elon Musk sunning his chichis. You’d think everyone would be throwing their genitals at him over that.