Last week, a very scary thing happened to Travis Barker, which is saying something, considering the man notably survived a horrific multi-fatality plane crash in 2008. The Gomez to Kourtney Kardashian’s gated community Morticia was rushed to the hospital for an undisclosed reason. Later, we learned that Travis’ trip to the ER was reportedly caused by a case of pancreatitis, which was allegedly the result of a colonoscopy gone wrong (or at least, gone not 100% right). Enough time has passed that Travis feels comfortable speaking about the situation, and he says that everything is alright.
UPDATE: TMZ says that 46-year-old Travis Barker is down and out with pancreatitis and a recent colonoscapy he had may have triggered it. Below is the original post.
The Kardashian Krew are habitual shape-shifters, so I would have bet the farm that if there was a Kardashian-adjacent medical emergency, it would be due to one of the Koven’s rib-removals gone awry or an overzealous seat-sucking leading to two sad, deflated balloon looking flaps of skin where ass cheeks used to be. Unfortunately, it seems as though something more serious has happened to a member of the Krew, because Kourtney Kardashian’s husband, Blink-182 drummer Travis Barker, was hospitalized yesterday for a yet-to-be-disclosed medical emergency.
Kourtney Kardashian Says That Her Fertility Doctor Told Her To Drink Travis Barker’s Baby-Making Stuff Four Times A Week
Sorry to those of you who think that swallowing is a better option than getting pregnant because 43-year-old Kourtney Kardashian is about to burst your bubble. In an episode of their new Hulu series The Kardashians, Kourtney talks about how she and 46-year-old Travis Barker, who is now her husband, are trying to make a baby. And according to her fertility doctor, drinking Travis’ jizz is going to help her along with the process. Ummm, is her doctor’s name Johnny Sins?
The ancient port city of Portofino, Italy was invaded over the weekend by a slavering hoard of
Gauls ghouls who breached the fortified walls of the famed Castello Brown and held what appears to have been some sort of Satanic ritual. Townsfolk reportedly heard their sinister machinations (“I, like, totally do,” “bro, same!”) and the screams of the innocent (Scott Disick from 6,000 miles away) well into the early morning hours. Fortunately, no virgins were sacrificed because no virgins could be found. People reports that Travis Barker has made an honest woman out of Kourtney Kardashian for the third time this year in a ceremony that could only be described as comically tacky. The bride wore white and little else.
The poor people of Italy are once again being terrorized by a Kardashian wedding. Because everyone is bracing themselves for Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker’s four-day Italian wedding extravaganza.
If Kris Jenner had been using her head, she might have mapped out a 36-point, 18-month plan to get Kourtney Kardashian as much attention as possible for her engagement to Travis Barker, aka Kourtney’s most relevant and interesting storyline in years. However, that might have required Kourtney to commit to more work than she’s used to, which so far has consistently registered somewhere between “very little” and “the bare minimum” (sorry Kim). So Kourtney only messed around with one shameless wedding stunt before moving on to the real thing. And again, Kourtney brings deep shame and dishonor to her family, because it wasn’t a tacky, over-the-top wealth-wasting public spectacle. TMZ says that Kourtney and Travis officially traded “I dos” on Sunday in a low-key ceremony.