Category: The Delusion Is Thick

Hilaria Baldwin Accuses Alec Baldwin’s “Enemies” Of Inflicting “Psychological Torture”

July 28, 2022 / Posted by:

I had no idea Alec Baldwin was experiencing “psychological torture” as a result of being “dehumanized” by his “enemies” who “seek to destroy him” for the solitary crime of “speaking up for what [he believes] and for helping others,” but after reading Hilaria Baldwin’s most recent post on Instagram, I’m like, jeez, now I feel kinda bad for the guy. Here I thought the observation that Alec is a short-tempered, egotistical blowhard who doesn’t know when to quit was valid given his past, current, and predicted future behavior. But Hilaria is his wife and presumably knows the tortured soul hiding somewhere under that steely exterior better than anyone. And it’s not like Hilaria has never given us any reason to doubt her. After all, Spanish women are as well known for their candor as they are for their familia gazpacho recipes.

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Mickey Rourke Called Tom Cruise “Irrelevant” On “Piers Morgan Uncensored”

July 12, 2022 / Posted by:

New Suppressive Person just dropped! Piers Morgan tried to remake Battlefield Earth in his studio by inviting Mickey Rourke on his show, Piers Morgan Uncensored, where he glibly goaded him into talking shit about Tom Cruise. Mickey, who appears to be coming for Bruce Willisretracted bulk Razzie nomination with 10 dubious-looking IMDB credits in either pre or post-production slated for 2023, told Piers that he thinks Tom is “irrelevant in [his] world.” Considering that Tom’s practically a God in his, this is not the War of the Worlds remake we need right now. But I suppose it’s one we deserve for throwing all our little dollars at Top Gun: Maverik this summer. Mickey also accused Tom of “doing the same f’ing part for 35 years,” and said he wants to be an actor more like “Monty Cliff, or Brando back in the day,” which is encouraging. We might be able to avoid a full-scale intergalactic conflict by gently encouraging Mickey to look in a mirror and telling him what year it is.

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Miles Teller’s Grandmother Thinks He Should Be The Next James Bond

July 1, 2022 / Posted by:

It’s 100% false and untrue that Miles Teller has a face that only a mother could resist wanting to punch. For example, Mile’s granny Leona “Mup” Flowers thinks the sun rises and sets with every twinkle of his eye, and that the tides are tied to each douchey smirk that slides across his face. According to Mup, there’s nothing Miles can’t do, including a believable British accent. Us Weekly reports that Mup hopped on Twitter this week to suggest that her grandson would be the perfect actor to replace Daniel Craig as the next James Bond. Can’t you just picture it? No really, try. “The names Jim. Jim Bond. But you can call me Highball, that’s what my frat brothers call me. I’ll have a Bud Lite, shaken not stirred. No glass, I’m gonna shotgun it.” Swap the tuxedo for a Tommy Bahama shirt and I do believe that Mup might be onto something. Sorry, typo. On something.

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Johnny Depp May Be Looking To Settle The 2018 Assault Lawsuit Against Him Out Of Court To Avoid Another Trial Next Month

June 27, 2022 / Posted by:

After nearly two grueling, thankless years working as a semi-professional litigant, Johnny Depp seems poised to lay down his swearin’ bible in favor of a scribblin’ pen and retire to a quiet life creating stunning works of digital art for his Never Fear Truth NFT collection. According to Radar, Johnny’s actively working to settle the next lawsuit on his docket out of court, which is apparently something you can do if your opponent isn’t a woman who embarrassed you. Even though he’s barely had time to get a haircut since the conclusion of his trial against ex-wife Amber Heard, Johnny’s already scheduled to stand trial again on July 25 over a 2018 lawsuit filed against him by Gregg “Rocky” Brooks, a location manager who is accusing Johnny of assault on the set of City of Lies back in 2017. We know that Johnny never fears the truth, so he must want to settle because he developed piles from sitting on the witness stand for so long. Besides, the next trial will not be televised, so where’s the fun in that?

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Prince Andrew Reportedly Wants Kevin Spacey To Testify In His Defense

January 31, 2022 / Posted by:

One of the many, many photos floating around out there that make Prince Andrew look real guilty, is one taken in 2002 of Kevin Spacey and Ghislaine Maxwell yukking it up while seated in THE QUEEN’s extra fancy Laz-E-Boys located in the Throne Room at Buckingham Palace. Knowing the company he keeps, it’s logical to assume Kevin and Ghislaine were there at Andrew’s invitation. However, just as Andrew has tried to explain away that photo of him with his arm around his accuser Virginia Giuffre as Ghislaine looks on like a proud mama, according to The Sun, sources say that Andrew wants to further distance himself from Ghislaine by having Kevin testify on his behalf that he was the one, not Andrew, who invited her to fart into THE QUEEN’s cushions. Andrew apparently doesn’t even know how that woman got past the guards!

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Scott Disick Says That He Ends Up With Younger Girlfriends Because He Looks So Young Himself

June 21, 2021 / Posted by:

I need to get whatever kind of mirror Scott Disick has, because….

You’re probably looking at that screenshot and thinking, “What a cute picture of Scott Disick as a teenager!” But believe it or not, that is what 38-year-old Scott Disick currently looks like. And since his relationship with 42-year-old Kourtney Kardashian has disintegrated, he’s been dating a rotation of pieces half his age. Scott and 22-year-old Sofia Richie were together for around 3 years before breaking up last year. Then he hopped onto Amelia Hamlin who turned 20 last week. Well, during the second part of the reunion for Keeping Up My Belief In A Malevolent God With The Kardashians, Scott responded to the criticism he gets for dating chicks he easily could have just picked up from an AP Chem class. His explanation? He doesn’t go looking for barely legal girls, they come to him because of his exuberant, youthful appearance. No wonder why Scott gets along so great he was the Koven. Delusion is the main nutrient running through all of their veins.

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