Prophet Justin Bieber Says We Will All Regret Not Celebrating Chris Brown’s Genius While He’s Still Alive
Street prophet Justin Bieber cinched up his big boy pants (the full length ones!), pulled on his best socks and slides combo and stood on his corner soapbox to warn us citizens of humanity that we’re going to be really, really, super sorry for not supporting the unmistakeable talent and superstardom of his most bestest friend in the whole wide world while we had the chance! No, you have not been transported back to the year AD 20 when Jesus was walking among us making miracles happen. Sadly you are still stuck in AD 2019 and Justin is talking about none other than Chris Brown. Yes, that Chris Brown. The Biebs thinks that Chris is the #1 singer in the world and therefore we should overlook the “little” acts of his assholery and abuses towards women or we’ll all be sorry when he’s dead, just like we were over the premature deaths of Michael Jackson and Tupac Shakur. You hear that? We’ll all be sorry!
Bill Cosby is having the time of his fucking life in prison. He’s been there about 4 months and was recently released into/onto the general population. According to his spokesperson, Bill’s right where he wants to be, standing in the shadows, nay eclipsing the shadows, of the greatest civil rights warriors known to mankind (or womankind, wait no, just mankind). Vulture reports that Bill is having “an amazing experience” and compares himself to the likes of Martin Luther King Jr., Nelson Mandela, and Malcolm X. He’s also been playing doctor with the his fellow inmates and offering diagnoses based on his experiences of acting out the role of an OB/GYN on TV. He’s probably also hanging out near the shitter catching corn-filled commissary turds left and right yelling “It’s a boy!“.
Octomom is dead and Nadya Suleman killed her. RIP to that crazy, drug addicted, welfare cheat who stripped and fapped her way to a buck with which to feed her 14 children. She’s not playing that character anymore. Say goodbye to that train wreck, and meet Nadya, a raw vegan exercise addict who’s writing a book that she hopes will set the record straight. Somehow, Nadya got the New York Times to do a profile on her where she claims she was “the classic victim” of the media who created the Octomom “caricature”, and of a shady doctor who tricked her into carrying 8 babies at once. What, did you think it was all because she was off her rocker? Shame on you!
Lindsay Lohan Wasn’t In The Mood To Talk About That Syrian Refugee “Kidnapping” Video For Her Paper Magazine Interview
Don’t let the new reality show or this high profile Paper Magazine “Break the Internet” profile fool you. Lindsay Lohan is still a Flamin’ Hot Cheeto of a mess. If she thought giving this stingy interview was supposed baptize her anew in the public eye, then she’s still as vapid, vain, and oblivious as ever. The full title of the piece is Princess Charming: Inside Lindsay Lohan’s Enduring Cult of Celebrity, and I guess it’s an apt title is you consider that Lindsay lives in Dubai, surrounded by Saudi princes (a detail eagerly provided by her kid sister, Ali Lohan), completely shut off (by choice) from the real world where people are held accountable for their actions. If that’s what they meant by princess, then sure.
Remember when Cardi B turned herself in for allegedly arranging for those two girls to get jumped? That was the last time she was going to take this shit seriously, because when she was supposed to go to court yesterday, she did not show up. And why was Cardi not in attendance? Durh, because she’s way too relevant and busy to be bothered. Delusion, thy name is Cardi B
This is news that should please only Remy Ma and whoever else who thinks Bill Cosby is too old for punishment. On September 25, a court sentenced 81-year-old convicted rapist Bill Cosby to three to ten years in prison. Bill’s legal team was doing everything possible to prevent their client from facing a shred of responsibility for his actions, and they’re still at it.