Saint Laurent’s show at The Hollywood Palladium in L.A. was last night and I guess the invitation read: Come dressed as a strung-out performer in Florida’s Meth Circus. I’m also guessing that Justin Bieber and Lady CaCa were the only ones who followed that dress code because DAMN. Gaga looks like a drunk, clingy auntie who is trying to relive her glory days by wearing one of her favorite outfits from the 80s and Justin Bieber looks like her messy teen nephew who is impatiently waiting for her to pass out into a drunken coma so he can go into her purse and steal enough money to buy a baggy of the bad shit.
If you’ve ever wondered what it would look like if Nancy Spungen played Susan in Desperately Seeking Susan, wonder no more. If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Hmmm, I wonder what it would look like if Harpo Marx played Riff Raff, Columbia AND Magenta in a community theater production of Rocky Horror Picture Show?“, you don’t have to ask yourself that question anymore. Lady Gaga answered both of those questions at the Saint Laurent show last night when she showed up in a sequined blazer that screamed, “affordable Michael Jackson impersonator,” makeup that screamed, “cracked out Casper the Friendly Ghost,” and a wig that looked like a pile of uncooked curly fries.
Gaga, Justin Bieber and his struggle stache managed to achieve the impossible, though. They managed to be the messiest messes at an event that Courtney Love was at. Because when Courtney Love showed up looking clean and hot, I doubt the door person said to her, “Um, no loitering! No loitering,” like they did with the Biebs and Gaga.
So Gaga and Justin Bieber should give themselves a slow clap for that.
And here’s a million more pictures from last night’s show including some of the hotness personified that is the Kravitz family and American-Canadian fresh drew drop Pamela Anderson with her son Brandon Lee who used an entire jar of hair grease to give you “Young Elvis.”
I don’t know what the hell is on the floor in that picture, but it’s giving me a major craving for string cheese (“What else is new?” just hissed my stomach).
Gwyneth Paltrow Instagrammed this picture of Jennifer Lopez, Patrick Schwarzenegger, Miley Cyrus, Scarlett Johansson, and Amy Adams sitting in the front row of Tom Ford’s FW15 womenswear show in Los Angeles last night, and it was literally only 1/856th of the famous types that were there. Everybody was there. And when I say everybody, I mean everybody. Beyonce? YES. Angelica Huston? YES. Gina Gershon? HELL YES. My great aunt Gladys? PROBABLY. I haven’t asked her yet, but I’m assuming she was there, since everybody was there. It was like the Oscars and the Grammys and the Emmys and the CableACE Awards got together in the backseat of a 1994 Ford Tempo and made a random fluids baby.
I don’t know what Tom Ford did to get that many famous types at his fashion show, but it must have involved promising to wash their cars for a year or “take care” of their enemies and make it look like an accident or something, because people that I haven’t seen in forever showed up. Faith Hill was there. When is the last time you saw Faith Hill at something? Robbie Williams. ROBBIE WILLIAMS! I’m sure if the dog from Fraiser hadn’t died 9 years ago, he would have been there too.
And I know Kanye West thinks he’s a legitimate fashion designer now, but he needs to realize that you haven’t made it until Cristal Connors from Showgirls shows up to your show. Until then, you’re still a nobody (sorry Kanye). Here’s a bunch of famous people from Tom Ford’s show last night, including the living life legend herself Gina Gershon, Goopy, Reese Witherspoon, Sofia Vergara and Joe Manganiello, and John Legend wearing a Canadian Tuxedo for some reason:
While standing in the middle of a set that looked like the chandelier section of a Lamps Plus, Mimi performed at the BET Awards last night and some say she earned a “sashay away” from RuPal for the lazy lip-synching show she gave. When hos accused Mimi of moving her lips to a track during the American Idol finale, she said “absolutely not, darlings,” but she hasn’t yet said anything about last night’s performance. But she doesn’t have to…
Anybody who can see things and hear things at the same time knows that the Unicornie Butterfly Rainbow Empress was lip-synching and that’s not what offends me. I’m offended that Mimi can’t lip-synch worth a damn. It’s like her sense of hearing is on a 3-second delay. A drunk deaf seal high on novocaine is probably better at lip-synching than Mimi is. Brit Brit would beat Mimi in a Lip-Synch For Your Life and Brit Brit just throws a piece of gum in her mouth, chews and hopes that the words match up with her moving mouth (or not, Brit don’t care).
Mimi lip-synching last night makes sense, though. Miguel was on stage and whenever Miguel’s on stage there’s more than a 50% chance that one or more of the tricks in the audience will be decapitated by him. If Mimi sang live, even more lives would’ve been in danger. As soon as she let out a high-pitched, 450-octave hyena screech, the chandeliers and the mic would’ve shattered, sending slivers of glass flying into the audience. Bitches would’ve gotten shanked. Mimi didn’t sing live, because she cares about the health and well being of her lambs. That shit was a safety precaution.
If you can’t see the YouTube above or want to see a video that doesn’t look like it was shot on a water-damaged hand crank camera, click here.
A few days ago, a lawyer for Khyati Shah, the victim in the airborne teabagging gone wrong incident at the Billboard Music Awards, told the media that she was very close to slapping him with a lawsuit. Khyati’s lawyer, Vip Bhola, said that she suffered injuries that might affect her for the rest of her life. Now he’s saying that Miguel’s bad acrobatic decisions might’ve done serious damage to her brains.
Vip tells TMZ that some of the difficulties that Khyati’s experiencing “are cognitive in nature and lead to suspicion of a neurological head injury.” Vip also said the Billboard Music Awards were wrong for giving Khyati a piddly little ice pack for her head injury instead of rushing her ass to the ER. She is waiting for her test results and if there is any evidence of damage done to her brain, then it will be payday, bitches.
Khyati not only suffered injuries to her head, but she will forever be known as the poor girl who almost got her head ripped off by Miguel’s weapon of mass destruction (aka his leg). It’s kind of obvious that she suffered some kind of brain injury, because right after Miguel almost killed her, she said that she was a huge fan of his. She obviously wasn’t in her right mind, because at that moment she should’ve only been a fan of Larry H. Parker and ambulance who will take her to the hospital to get her head checked out. Give Khyati all the moneys!
And I’m sure Miguel’s lawyers will argue that he obviously suffers from some serious brain damage himself and look at him, he’s a star and performed at the Billboard Music Awards!
When dumb stupid buffoon Miguel violently teabagged a girl at the Billboard Music Awards, I started to countdown from 10 and figured that when I got to 5, Gloria Allred would’ve already announced in a press conference that the girl is suing his ass for zillions of dollars. Well, it took longer than I thought and Gloria Allred, surprisingly, isn’t involved, but the girl is getting close to dropping a lawsuit right on Miguel’s head.
Khyati Shah, the chick whose head became the meat in a Miguel and stage sandwich, hired lawyer Vip Bhola and he tells E! News that she’s been experiencing psychical “difficulties” since the Billboard Music Awards and is considering legal action. Vip says that Khyati’s doctors are going to examine her injuries and once they get the results back, they’ll decide whether or not to sue. Vip hasn’t spoken to Miguel’s lawyers yet, but he says he’s open to settling out of court.
Shortly after, Miguel kicked one girl in the face and nearly decapitated Khyati, they were both interviewed backstage:
Khyati made the mistake of going on camera and smiling like everything was peachy cream (copyright: Jennifer from Basketball Wives). I’d have a brace on my neck, a cast on my head, a metal back brace on my body and I’d be sipping Ensure while sitting on a wheelchair. If they interviewed me backstage, I’d be like, “Huh? What? Who are you? Where am I? The pain! The pain! Jesus, is that you? Jesus, hug me, I’m ready!” Then I would’ve sued Miguel, Billboard, the venue and Sir Isaac Newton.
Miguel should’ve known better. He really thinks he’s Prince and Janelle Monae. Prince wouldn’t have only landed that jump, but he would’ve done so while wearing 10-inch glossy heels. Leave the stage jumps to the professionals, Miguel.
And today’s Dumb Bitch of the Day award goes to Miguel for kicking a girl in the head and nearly decapitating another girl at the Billboard Music Awards in Las Vegas tonight. It’s a good thing those girls didn’t die (I think), because there’s nothing worse than dying at the Billboard Music Awards in Las Vegas by the legs of a cockatoo named Miguel. It’s not even the Grammys! And he’s not even Prince! Sure, I’d like a face full of Miguel crotch but not if it means I’m going to get my head cut off.
These girls are totally calling Gloria Allred right now and they’re going to sue the Cockatoo hair right off of Miguel’s head. And if you need to see the video of this attempted murder, here you go:
You dumb, stupid shit, Miguel! Hugging that blond woman is not going to be those girls’ heads back on their bodies.