Category: Miranda Kerr

Miranda Kerr Rivals Goop With Her Home Wellness Routine

September 25, 2019 / Posted by:

Because everything on the internet lasts forever now, you can always get in trouble for things long after they’re done. With celebrities this means they can usually be dragged well after any kind of commentary they make in an interview or red carpet moment which may fall by the wayside it’s first time around the block. Enter: Miranda Kerr.

Miss Former Victoria’s Secret Model-turned-face-cream seller/wife of Snapchat billionaire/flaky disaster Evan Spiegel, is super fucking richSuper. So as such, she has a lot of extra cash to throw around at hyper-expensive bullshit that “improves” her life–à la Goopy Paltrow. Well, Goop can take a seat and put her alkaline-filled ass on her non-demagnetized cushions. There’s a new girl in town who is redefining the words “too much.

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Miranda Kerr Almost Didn’t Date Husband Evan Spiegel Because Of His Dry, Flaky Skin

June 1, 2019 / Posted by:

Miranda Kerr almost didn’t date her husband, Snapchat founder bazillionaire Evan Spiegel, because after taking one look at him, she thought he looked more like Evan Sméagol with his horrid face. Miranda just admitted that she was temporarily un-blinded by the dollar signs shooting out of her eyes (uh huh) when she first met Evan, and she almost passed him over because she couldn’t get down with his Alligator Man skin. That all changed when Miranda decided to do a 90s movie make-over montage to the tune of “Supermodel” on him with (of course) her own line of KORA Organics skin products (PLUG! PLUG! PLUG).

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Twitter Founder Jack Dorsey Only Eats One Meal Per Weekday, And Zero Meals On The Weekend

April 11, 2019 / Posted by:

Jack Dorsey, the founder of Twitter and Square Cash, paid himself a salary of $1.40 last year. Those who don’t know Jack’s net worth might think that’s the reason why he barely eats, because all he can afford to eat is survival soup (made from snatched Taco Bell hot sauce packets and tap water taken from a public bathroom faucet). But Jack paid himself $1.40 since he doesn’t need the money and the $1.40 is in honor of Twitter’s old 140 characters. Jack only eats one meal per weekday because it makes his tech genius mind run better. So not only does he do himself up to look like a starving beach hobo, he eats like one too. I’m pretty sure that when you first look at your financials and notice you’re officially a billionaire, a setting in your brain clicks to: Time To Be As Weird As Fucking Possible.

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Miranda Kerr Is Pregnant With Her Second Baby With Snapchat Dude Evan Spiegel

March 30, 2019 / Posted by:

Like a dumb dumb kitten stuck in a tree, there’s a pussy crying for help today. Only this pussy belongs to a supermodel. No, it’s not the pussy of Leo Dicaprio‘s latest girlfriend wailing because she’s about to hit the 25 year mark and therefore have her contract ripped up (relax- Leo’s current girlfriend is only 21). It’s the vagina of Miranda Kerr, who announced to People that just ten months after giving birth to her first baby with Snapchat founder Evan Spiegel, she is pregnant again. Mine is crying too. Someone pass an ice pack for my vaginal canal ghost pains.

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Miranda Kerr Is Going To Make Her Son Pay For His Own Car

March 14, 2019 / Posted by:

I guess every celebrity around the world wants to make sure we know they would NEVER cheat their kid’s way into college, so this will be the first of many stories where a celeb shows how they’re going to make their kid know the value of hard work! Miranda Kerr, someone who has made a fortune on good looks, wants us to know her son with Orlando Bloom, Flynn, will most certainly NOT be spoiled. She then launched into how she just fell into modeling, so, uh, I’d like to huff whatever Miranda’s on!

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Orlando Bloom Isn’t Original In The Engagement Ring Department

February 18, 2019 / Posted by:

I’ve known people who basically repeated dates, trips, and presents with each relationship they were in, and they tried to pass it off as just a random coincidence. That is a lie. It is just random laziness, friends! Always get new everything with each new peen! Orlando Bloom did not get that memo, I guess, because just days after he popped the question to Katy Perry, some people noticed her engagement ring is in the same theme as the one he gave to ex-wife Miranda Kerr.

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