Miranda Kerr almost didn’t date her husband, Snapchat founder bazillionaire Evan Spiegel, because after taking one look at him, she thought he looked more like Evan Sméagol with his horrid face. Miranda just admitted that she was temporarily un-blinded by the dollar signs shooting out of her eyes (uh huh) when she first met Evan, and she almost passed him over because she couldn’t get down with his Alligator Man skin. That all changed when Miranda decided to do a 90s movie make-over montage to the tune of “Supermodel” on him with (of course) her own line of KORA Organics skin products (PLUG! PLUG! PLUG).
Jack Dorsey, the founder of Twitter and Square Cash, paid himself a salary of $1.40 last year. Those who don’t know Jack’s net worth might think that’s the reason why he barely eats, because all he can afford to eat is survival soup (made from snatched Taco Bell hot sauce packets and tap water taken from a public bathroom faucet). But Jack paid himself $1.40 since he doesn’t need the money and the $1.40 is in honor of Twitter’s old 140 characters. Jack only eats one meal per weekday because it makes his tech genius mind run better. So not only does he do himself up to look like a starving beach hobo, he eats like one too. I’m pretty sure that when you first look at your financials and notice you’re officially a billionaire, a setting in your brain clicks to: Time To Be As Weird As Fucking Possible.
Like a dumb dumb kitten stuck in a tree, there’s a pussy crying for help today. Only this pussy belongs to a supermodel. No, it’s not the pussy of Leo Dicaprio‘s latest girlfriend wailing because she’s about to hit the 25 year mark and therefore have her contract ripped up (relax- Leo’s current girlfriend is only 21). It’s the vagina of Miranda Kerr, who announced to People that just ten months after giving birth to her first baby with Snapchat founder Evan Spiegel, she is pregnant again. Mine is crying too. Someone pass an ice pack for my vaginal canal ghost pains.
I guess every celebrity around the world wants to make sure we know they would NEVER cheat their kid’s way into college, so this will be the first of many stories where a celeb shows how they’re going to make their kid know the value of hard work! Miranda Kerr, someone who has made a fortune on good looks, wants us to know her son with Orlando Bloom, Flynn, will most certainly NOT be spoiled. She then launched into how she just fell into modeling, so, uh, I’d like to huff whatever Miranda’s on!
I’ve known people who basically repeated dates, trips, and presents with each relationship they were in, and they tried to pass it off as just a random coincidence. That is a lie. It is just random laziness, friends! Always get new everything with each new peen! Orlando Bloom did not get that memo, I guess, because just days after he popped the question to Katy Perry, some people noticed her engagement ring is in the same theme as the one he gave to ex-wife Miranda Kerr.
People says that almost one year into their marriage, Miranda Kerr has popped out the baby she made with her Snapchat billionaire husband Evan Spiegel. This is 35-year-old Miranda’s first child with 27-year-old Evan, and her second child overall (she shares 7-year-old Flynn with Orlando Bloom). Miranda and Evan released a statement to saying they had a baby boy in Los Angeles on Monday that they named Hart Spiegel.
“Words cannot explain how happy we are to welcome our beautiful son into our family. Miranda is doing well and Flynn is excited to be a big brother. Thank you for the kind words and wishes during this very special time.”
It’s still a little strange to me that the son of a Snapchat billionaire would be announced in a basic statement given to a weekly magazine and not in a series of snaps with a custom baby filter. Then again, maybe they chose People because they wanted to make sure people would actually see their baby announcement.
I’m sure you’re wondering where that name came from, like is Miranda secretly a huge fan of Robert Wagner and Stefanie Powers. It’s actually a lot less exciting. A source says that Hart is named after Evan’s grandfather. That name is entirely too perfect when you consider Miranda’s first kid. Depending on where you’re from, Flynn and Hart might sound like a stunt plane team from the 40s or Brooks Brothers’ salesmen of the year, three years running. To me personally, it sounds like a bro-country duo who sing about finding love at a bonfire.