Category: I Don’t Like Jokes

Blasphemy IS Jennifer Coolidge Getting Played Off During Her Emmys Acceptance Speech

September 13, 2022 / Posted by:

911 operators everywhere probably got calls from extremely upset tricks screaming, “I’d like to report a hate crime! Jennifer Coolidge was just played off by the band during her Emmys acceptance speech!

Like Sheryl Lee Ralph, Jennifer Coolidge has been in the game for a while, but recently, she’s been getting some award love for stealing the spotlights in The White Lotus (and she even stole the spotlight from a CGI turd!). At last night’s Emmys, Jennifer was up for Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Limited or Anthology Series or Movie, and unsurprisingly, she won that shit. While accepting her first Emmy, Jennifer Coolidge went full Jennifer Coolidge by talking about how a lavender bath gave her a case of the body swells, and when her speech went overtime and the band began to play her off, she begged them to stop and eventually decided that if you can’t beat ’em, dance to ’em!

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Dr. Oz Has Won Pennsylvania’s GOP Primary For Senate After His Opponent Conceded

June 4, 2022 / Posted by:

Well, Dr. Oz’s dream of becoming Senator Dr. Oz (which is many, many, many people’s nightmare) is one step closer to coming true after his rival, Dave McCormick, conceded in Pennyslvania’s Republican primary for Senate. Politico says that Dr. Oz is now the presumptive GOP candidate for the open U.S. Senate seat in Pennsylvania and will face off against Democratic nominee John Fetterman in November. And since another TV quack’s political grift seems to be paying off, Dr. Phil’s slimy fingers are probably inching toward candidate registration forms for POTUS 2024.

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Marisa Tomei Clarifies Her Comments About Not Getting Paid For “King Of Staten Island”

March 6, 2022 / Posted by:

Many of us probably figured that Marisa Tomei’s accountants were going to have a busy weekend with amending her 2019 tax return to include the extremely generous charitable donation of bestowing her Oscar-winning movie star presence on that King of Staten Island movie that starred Pete Davidson and was directed by Judd Apatow. Because during an interview with Rolling Stone, Marisa, who played a fictionalized version of Pete’s mom in King of Staten Island, said that she recently talked to her movie son Pete about the movie and asked him, “I never got paid for that. Did you? In this age of transparency, can we talk?” But we can put off submitting Marisa Tomei’s application for sainthood for her volunteer work in a Pete Davidson movie because she was paid after all. Marisa clarified shit in a statement to People, saying that she did get paid, she was just talking about “arcane contractual details.” Translation: “I was talking about movie star stuff you wouldn’t understand, dahlings!”

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A Thing That Happened: Kim Kardashian Hosted “Saturday Night Live”

October 10, 2021 / Posted by:

Lorne Michaels is definitely breathing out a million sighs of relief today because his reign as the overlord of Saturday Night Live will continue for another 1,000 years now that he’s given Satan the gift of giving Hell’s most terrifying kreations, the Kardashians, a big platform. As expected, Kim Kardashian followed in the footsteps of her fellow comedic icons (like Paris Hilton, Trump, Nancy Kerrigan, Rudy Ghouliani, Elon Musk, and Lance Armstrong) and hosted SNL last night. We did learn last night that Kim Kardashian can actually read words! But then again, her cue cards were probably written with emojis.

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Kim Kardashian Is Going To Host “Saturday Night Live”

September 22, 2021 / Posted by:

Because I guess every famous and famous-ish person in the world is busy on October 9, TMZ says that komedian Kim Kardashian will host that night’s episode of Saturday Night Live, which will feature musical guest Halsey. Kim follows in the Size 11 footsteps of former employer Paris Hilton, who was dragged by critics and then-head writer Tina Fey after hosting in 2005. Kim’s husband Kanye West has appeared as a musical guest seven times, but he’s technically never hosted. Ah, what a shame. Cuz that’s a dude who doesn’t take himself too seriously at all.

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Elon Musk Tried It But Miley Cyrus’ Mother’s Day Titty Shirt Stole The Show At “Saturday Night Live”

May 9, 2021 / Posted by:

For weeks, we’ve been threatened that Saturday Night Live was going to inject itself with massive amounts of potent insufferableness and it happened last night when Elon Musk finally hosted the show (while Aidy Bryant and Bowen Yang made a mental note to research the best dental implant surgeons in the area as they grit their teeth down to dust). Elon Musk hosted the Mother’s Day episode of SNL, which was fitting since while watching it, I asked myself, “Motherfucker, why you are watching this mess?”

But while Elon Musk got all the attention leading up to last night’s show, Miley Cyrus stole it from the beginning by working an extremely modest and demure chichis shirt as she yodeled out her godmother Dolly Parton’s song Light Of A Clear Blue Morning during a tribute to mothers. Maybe Miley wore that elegant Gaultier-esque (unless it IS Gaultier) white tit shirt because mothers = breastfeeding = deflated chichis? Or because she wanted to pay tribute to Dolly Parton’s iconic lily-white titty balls? Or she just wanted to snatch the spotlight from Elon? Or all of the above!

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