Category: Meghan Markle
Prince Harry Discusses Family Reconciliation In A Pair of Interviews Coming Out Ahead Of His Memoir “Spare”
I’m going to have to assume that the real reason Anderson Cooper spent New Year’s Eve sober as a judge wasn’t to appease the higher-ups at CNN, but so he could get through a “revealing” 60 Minutes interview with Prince Harry without nodding off. Harry’s “explosive” memoir Spare is due next week (Jan. 10) so he’s making the rounds, presumably to fill in the gaps about his family struggles that weren’t already covered in his and Meghan Markle’s “unprecedented” six-part Netflix documentary series Harry & Meghan, their “bombshell” Oprah interview, Meghan’s “ground-breaking” Spotify podcast or her “conspiratorial” interview for The Cut. According to People, Harry also sat down with Tom Bradley of ITV for “an” interview. The clips that were shared over the weekend from both interviews were cleverly cut to exclude the parts where Coop and Bradley had to do shots of pickle juice in order to stay awake.
British TV Presenter Jeremy Clarkson Is “Horrified” That That People Are Horrified By His Horrifying Remarks About Meghan Markle
As we know, the British press can’t seem to get enough Meghan Markle in their diets, and some have resorted to scavenging the deepest, darkest recesses of their minds for imaginary scenarios upon which to feast. You know like when a cartoon character is starving to death and they picture their friend as a succulent roast chicken then act all surprised when they bite into a juicy thigh and Piers Fucking Morgan screams “ouch!” and all of a sudden everybody’s looking at them like they’re some sort of freak? Well, according to Reuters, that’s just what happened to Jeremy Clarkson, that exact kind of freak. A parched and pathetic Jeremy woke up this morning “horrified to have caused so much hurt” after sharing that he doesn’t sleep at night because he’s up “grinding [his] teeth and dreaming of the day when [Meghan] is made to parade naked through the streets of every town in Britain while the crowds chant, ‘Shame!’ and throw lumps of excrement at her.” And it’s not like he just said this at his local Wendy’s drive-thru either. His excrement-forward fanfic was actually printed in The Sun!
Prince William Screamed At Prince Harry In Front Of THE QUEEN, And Other “Revelations” From The Final Episodes Of “Harry & Meghan”
Do you feel that? It’s the earth finally settling after it was rocked by all the bombshells (not really) dropped during the final three episodes of Netflix’s Harry & Meghan, which came out today. The first three episodes were covered by Mieka last week, and those episodes were very “when the book report assignment calls for a 1,200-word count, but you’ve only got 400 words in you, so you’ve got to stretch that shit out.” The last three episodes were kind of the same. They cover the royal family drama over Prince Harry and Meghan Markle quitting that bitch, Tyler Perry becoming their Captain Save-A-Ho, and a text from BEYONCE! I know, Harry and Meghan buried the lede. Netflix says that Harry & Meghan is its biggest documentary debut ever, but its debut would’ve been a zillion times bigger if the show was only titled: A Text From Beyonce (featuring Harry and Meghan).
King Charles Reportedly Has No Plans To Strip Prince Harry And Meghan Markle’s Titles
Since THE QUEEN passed in September, there’s been a lot of talk about whether or not King Charles would strip Prince Harry and Meghan Markle of their titles. No more Duke and Duchess of Sussex, just Royal Wild Card #1 and Royal Wild Card #2. But even though the couple’s recent Netflix docuseries and Harry’s upcoming tell-all memoir haven’t helped mend their broken relationship with the King, a royal expert tells Page Six that taking away the titles is “not something the king would likely ever consider.” Apparently, it would seem “petty and punitive.” Silly me, after watching Charles freak out over a leaky pen, I assumed “petty and punitive” would be the hallmarks of his reign.
Prince Harry Says That “They Were Happy To Lie To Protect My Brother” In The Trailer For “Volume II” Of Netflix’s “Harry & Meghan”
The first part of Harry & Meghan (aka The Oprah Interview: The B-Sides) is a hit in the UK for Netflix. The first episode got 2.4 million smart TV views in one day. And it’s safe to say that 2.3 million of those views came from Piers Morgan’s viciously hate-fapping to the show so hard that he forgot to wish his wife a happy birthday publicly. The last three episodes (or “Volume II” as it’s pretentiously called) of Harry & Meghan come out this week. To promote it, Netflix released a trailer, and it’s pretty much the same ole same ole.’ But there’s a moment when Prince Harry says, “THEY were happy to lie to protect my brother.” As for who is the THEY that Harry is talking about, is it the Palace? Is it the media? Is it the blind tricks who declared Prince William the hottest bald guy on the planet? Well, even Netflix might be confused about who the “they” is.
Nazis Uniforms And Racists And Puppy Filters, Oh My. Here’s What You Missed If You Missed “Volume I” Of “Harry & Meghan”
What? You didn’t have your alarm clock set for H8:AM GMT so you could live-tweet the Netflix debut of Volume I (the first three episodes) of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle‘s much-discussed six-part docuseries, Harry & Meghan, alongside Piers Fucking Morgan? No? Did you have something better to do? Well I did. Had something better to do, that is. But right after the elective, “all-natural” root canal appointment I booked with a “primitive dentist” I found on Craigslist, I fell/purposely walked into an open sewer and was, most, unfortunately, unable to participate. But I couldn’t miss out on hearing all the juicy details contained within Meghan and Harry’s “first-hand account” of “their story,” even if I wanted to. And I did. Want to miss out, that is. Alas, knowing more about the lady from Suits and that prince she married than I do about my own family is now “my story” to tell. And rest assured, it will be, to borrow a critique from Piers, a “nauseatingly self-serving narcissistic rehashed whine-a-thon.” I guarantee it.