Category: Meghan Markle
Prince Harry And Meghan Markle Will Sit For Depositions In Samantha Markle’s Defamation Case Against Her Half-Sister
I would ask somebody to please go check on Piers Fucking Morgan right now, but even I’m not that cruel. Nobody should be subjected to the sight of Piers prancing around in his tighty-whities doing celebratory jetés at the news that Prince Harry and Meghan Markle may actually have to sit for depositions in response to Megan’s half-sister Samantha Markle‘s defamation suit against her, except for Samantha herself. Not even Jeremy Clarkson, but that’s only because the freak would probably nut all over himself, and he doesn’t deserve the pleasure.
King Charles Wants Prince Harry And Meghan Markle At His Coronation, And All Five Of The Spice Girls May Reunite For It
After Prince Harry shit talked everybody and his father in Spare, I assumed him and Meghan Markle would be persona non grata at King Charles’ coronation in June. But, over the weekend, The Independent reported that, actually, Charles would be open to having his spare son and daughter-in-law at his crowning. Apparently, he’s concerned their absence would be “more distracting than their presence.” Prince William allegedly disagrees and is worried that Harry will “overshadow” the event. Um, fair enough, but do Harry and Meghan really have the ~*STAHHH POWER*~ to steal Charles’ thunder? It’s not like they’re the bloody… Spice Girls. Oh wow, what a perfect segue into our next coronation headline: the Spice Girls (including Posh!) might reunite to play Charles’ coronation concert in May!
Prince Harry Scoffs At Jeremy Clarkson’s Most Recent Attempt To Apologize For What He Wrote About Meghan Markle In The Sun
Winnie the Pooh is OUT as Jeremy Clarkson’s apology ghostwriter. Jeremy has issued a new public “mea culpa with bells on” to Instagram because “the people who called for it” were unmoved by Jeremy’s initial “Oh dear. I’ve rather put my foot in it” plea for absolution he posted on Twitter addressing the backlash he received over his column in The Sun in which he stated he hates Meghan Markle “on a cellular level” and how he fantasizes “of the day when she is made to parade naked through the streets of every town in Britain while the crowds chant, ‘Shame!’ and throw lumps of excrement at her.” Frankly, I’m shocked Pooh even took that gig to begin with. We don’t need Britain’s #1 tubby little cubby all stuffed with fluff ghostwriter associated with the likes of Jeremy. Jerm’s on his own now, and unfortunately, he still can’t get the job done. SilenCED no more; Prince Harry’s not having it.
Prince Harry Said He Cut Some King Charles And Prince William Stories From “Spare” Because They’d Never Forgive Him And It Would’ve Been 800 Pages Long
Prince Harry’s “tell-all” book, Spare (seen here already half-price because all of the juicy bits were forcibly squeezed into our ear holes and eyeballs before the book even hit the shelves, probably), has already broken sales records and reportedly rankled Prince William and Kate Middleton to their emotionless cores. But, the sloppy-mouthed spare wants everyone to know that he didn’t actually tell it all and did exercise SOME discretion by leaving out a few tidbits–because the book would’ve been 800 pages long, and William and King Charles would’ve found those particular items unforgivable.
Prince Harry Says That Camilla Planted Positive Stories In The Press To “Rehabilitate Her Image” As The “Villain”
In case you couldn’t tell by the 12,384,965,999 headlines about Prince Harry’s tell-all (and that’s a low ass estimate), Prince Harry has a tell-all, Spare, out this week. Penguin Random House reportedly paid Harry $20 million for his memoir, and sources claim it needs to sell at least 1.7 million copies to break even. So Harry is out there hustling like the mortgage on Chateau de Bottom-Joined Palm Trees was due last week. His interviews with 60 Minutes and ITV aired yesterday, his talk with Good Morning America came out today, and he’s on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert tomorrow night. All that peddling may be paying off because Spare is currently #1 on Amazon’s best-selling books list, even though it feels like every word of that book has already leaked. What else is there to read? Well, apparently, there’s more, including Harry accusing his stepmother Queen Consort Camilla of being a throne-climbing opportunist who’d stop at nothing to get her diabolical paws on the crown. Breaking news, I know.
Prince Harry Says That Prince William Physically Attacked Him And More From His Tell-All “Spare”
If you had yourself a dysfunctional family holiday filled with drama, tussling, and messiness, just be a little grateful that your filthy laundry wasn’t aired beyond a ~cRyPTic~ Facebook post from your auntie. Because Prince Harry’s memoir, Spare, is out next week, so the promo tour for it has begun, and right now, The Firm is probably furiously trying to leak as many anti-Harry stories as possible as the Benny Hill theme song plays in their heads. In leaked excerpts from the book and promo interviews, Harry accuses Prince William of physically attacking him, says William and Kate Middleton co-signed his Nazi costume, calls William his “archnemesis,” and gets into the rumors that King Charles is not his biological father. Oh, and Harry and William’s nicknames for each other are “Harold” and “Willy.” I know, I buried the true lede!