THE QUEEN hasn’t even been laid to rest yet, but despite only having been king for less than a week, the Monarch Formerly Known as Prince Charles has already heralded in The British Royal Family’s flop age. Today, as THE QUEEN’s THE COFFIN made its procession through the streets of London to Westminster Hall followed by her children King Charles III, Prince Andrew, Princess Anne and Prince Edward, and her grandsons Prince William and Prince Harry, who managed to walk side-by-side without throwing elbows, The Guardian reports that “up to 100 employees at the King’s former official residence” were given “notice of their redundancy,” as King Chuckie Trips and Queen Consort Camila will be moving to Buckingham Palace. Which could prove disastrous from an optics standpoint given that Charles continues to have problems with unfamiliar office supplies and was nearly done in by a fancy fountain pen for a second time in this, the first week of the Carolean Age.
Imagine training your entire life for a job and flopping this hard your first week. It’s embarrassing. But then again, beloved as she was, THE QUEEN is a tough act to follow. Especially when you’ve got millions of eyes on you, and you have to march to the beat of a haunted merry-go-round. Here’s THE QUEEN making her final journey.
As you can see, Chuck’s military regalia includes little white gloves which are mercifully hiding his hideously deformed hands. And I’m not talking about his Vienna Sausage mitts. According to The New York Post, Charles went to battle with a pen the previous day during a signing ceremony in Northern Ireland, and if it wasn’t for his extensive military, statesmanship, etiquette, figure drawing, slow walking, calligraphy, piano, flower arranging and waving training, the pen might have won. But King Charles III is made of tougher stuff than that.
God save the king — from this bloody pen.
King Charles III grew visibly frustrated Tuesday during a signing ceremony in Northern Ireland, first forgetting the date and then whining about a pen.
“Is it September the 12th?” his royal majesty asked an aide, despite a calendar with the date sitting right in front of him.
When told it was the 13th, he said, “Oh God, I’ve put the wrong date down.”
His wife, Queen Consort Camilla, then said to him rather sharply, “You signed the 12th earlier.”
The confused king then grew upset because the pen he was using started to leak ink.
“Oh God, I hate this,” he said, after handing the bad pen to his wife.
“Oh look, it’s going everything,” she said as Charles stormed out of the room, leaving Camilla behind while she was still signing the paper.
Man, Liz sure did make this stuff look easy. And by “this stuff” I mean knowing what day it is and being able to sign a piece of paper without throwing a hissy fit, thus endearing herself to millions of people across the globe. Here’s Chuck’s attempt at the same.
Day 5 of Charles III as King: New crisis with the fountain pen 🖋 . “I can't bear this bloody thing! Every stinking time.”
— Joyce Karam (@Joyce_Karam) September 13, 2022
And here he is earlier this week valiantly facing down an invading horde of desk supplies.
— Reuters (@Reuters) September 10, 2022
Hard to believe the British monarchy has been going strong since the 10th century, yet in all that time no one has thought of buying up a stash of giant novelty-sized pens for those in the line of succession who suffer from the BRF’s version of the Hapsburg jaw, the Weiner digits. Something Chuck’s Clarence House staff might want to look into if they want to save their jobs. The Guardian reports:
Dozens of Clarence House staff have been given notice of their redundancy as the offices of King Charles and the Queen Consort move to Buckingham Palace after the death of the Queen, the Guardian has learned.
Up to 100 employees at the King’s former official residence, including some who have worked there for decades, received notification that they could lose their jobs just as they were working round the clock to smooth his elevation to the throne.
Private secretaries, the finance office, the communications team and household staff are among those who received notice during the thanksgiving service for the Queen, at St Giles’ Cathedral in Edinburgh on Monday, that their posts were on the line.
Many staff had assumed they would be amalgamated into the King’s new household, claiming they were given no indication of what was coming until the letter from Sir Clive Alderton, the King’s top aide, arrived. One source said: “Everybody is absolutely livid, including private secretaries and the senior team. All the staff have been working late every night since Thursday, to be met with this. People were visibly shaken by it.”
Staff who are made redundant are expected to be offered searches for alternative employment across all royal households, assistance in finding new jobs externally and an “enhanced” redundancy payment beyond the statutory minimum.
It’s not like the death of a publicly ailing 96-year-old woman could have come as a shock to anyone. Yet it really seems like Charles got caught on the back foot with becoming king. What’s he been doing this whole time if not making arrangements and communicating with his staff about inevitable changes on the horizon? And this clown is really supposed to be on people’s money? Maybe whoever wants to be in charge of Royal Optics/International Trade Relations under King Charles III should consider placing an order for some commemorative play money with his face on it when they order the novelty pens from the Oriental Trading Company.
Pic: Images/INSTARimages.com/Cover Images