British TV Presenter Jeremy Clarkson Is “Horrified” That That People Are Horrified By His Horrifying Remarks About Meghan Markle
As we know, the British press can’t seem to get enough Meghan Markle in their diets, and some have resorted to scavenging the deepest, darkest recesses of their minds for imaginary scenarios upon which to feast. You know like when a cartoon character is starving to death and they picture their friend as a succulent roast chicken then act all surprised when they bite into a juicy thigh and Piers Fucking Morgan screams “ouch!” and all of a sudden everybody’s looking at them like they’re some sort of freak? Well, according to Reuters, that’s just what happened to Jeremy Clarkson, that exact kind of freak. A parched and pathetic Jeremy woke up this morning “horrified to have caused so much hurt” after sharing that he doesn’t sleep at night because he’s up “grinding [his] teeth and dreaming of the day when [Meghan] is made to parade naked through the streets of every town in Britain while the crowds chant, ‘Shame!’ and throw lumps of excrement at her.” And it’s not like he just said this at his local Wendy’s drive-thru either. His excrement-forward fanfic was actually printed in The Sun!
If Lisa Rinna has a million haters, I’m one of them. If Lisa Rinna has ten haters, I’m one of them. If Lisa Rinna has one hater, then that is me. If Lisa Rinna has zero haters, it’s because I have died from hating “the biggest bully in Hollywood” too hard (whoopsies, gave myself an anger aneurysm). My loathing also extends to Lisa’s husband, Harry Hamlin, and her youngest daughter Amelia Gray Hamlin (Scott Disick’s “model” ex). But I have a soft spot in my evil heart for Lisa’s oldest daughter, Delilah Belle Hamlin. Namely because, last year, she took a dig at Lisa and Harry on TikTok, writing that what she really wanted for Christmas was “for my parents to pay for my trauma therapy.” Zing! The TikTok was quickly deleted, but, recently, we got some extra insight into why Delilah might need that therapy (as if having Succubus Rinna for a mom wasn’t enough). And it came in the form of an extremely creepy daddy-daughter photo.
Yesterday, Instagram-model-type Sumner (SumNer) Stroh took to TikTok to claim she had a year-long affair with Adam Levine, who’s been married to Victoria’s Secret model Behati Prinsloo since 2014. SumNer also showed screenshots of DMs that show Adam asking if it was cool if he named his and Behati’s upcoming third baby “SumNer.” The (alleged) gall! Most people believed SumNer’s allegations, because, well… it’s Adam Levine. It would be more of a shock if he wasn’t cheating on his wife with a 23-year-old Insagram model. But, earlier today, 43-year-old Adam posted a denial/non-apology to his Instagram Story. He writes that he used “poor judgment” in flirting with SumNer, but claims they never had an affair. Adam admits he was “stupid” and “naive” (hey, you stole that word from SumNer!) to risk his family, but “we will get through it together.” So, Adam is implying that Behati’s not gonna leave him, which is downright rude. It’s been less than 24 hours since this news broke, give the gal some time to make a measured decision. One that hopefully includes siphoning every last cent outta that turd’s savings account.
When most of us think of undesirable but required day-to-day burdens, it’s usually things like having to come up with a way to respond to the co-worker who walks in late with an iced coffee every morning and asks, “hey there! Working hard, or hardly working?” without choke-slamming them or having to get back out of bed after retiring for the evening because you just remembered that you didn’t move the laundry from the washer to the dryer. But, from 2001-2008 for former Girls Next Door star/Hugh Hefner girlfriend, Holly Madison, it was having to lower herself onto his stagnant old wrinkled microwaved hot dog while other girls who hated her looked on and commented. Holly and fellow Girl Next Door, Bridget Marquardt, launched a podcast and have been discussing the encumbrance of having sex with the elderly Playboy founder.
Each year, the food industry tries us basic bitches with some off-the-wall foods in stereotypically autumn flavors to get the people talking, and it usually works. Last year, Bud Light rolled out their Fall Flannel Hard Seltzer flavors, which all sounded like what it would taste like when your bad cousin huffed a can of bathroom Glade while you were visiting your grandparents’ house. But Brach’s really has their ear to the ground and has mastered the art of making an already gross thing grosser in flavors that no one asked for and in seasonal colors. They’re already known for their traditional candy corn which is most closely associated with Halloween time and my trash can, but that wasn’t enough–they wanted to cover the entire fall season–so for a few years now they’ve also been manufacturing their Turkey Dinner Candy Corn. I guess Brach’s felt that they were really missing an opportunity to cash in on the summer/early fall flavor market, so they’ve just dropped their newest monstrosity: Tailgate Candy Corn. Surprisingly, the tailgate flavors they came up with aren’t Natty Ice Burp, Chips & Warm Salsa, Cigar Smoke, and Hangover. Instead, they landed on: Fruit Punch, Vanilla Ice Cream, Popcorn, Hamburger–and the clear winner of the “NOPE” award–Hot Dog. Which, if you hate yourself, would go perfectly with a warm hot dog water seltzer.
Ricky Martin’s Attorney Denies The Accusations That He Had A Sexual And Abusive Relationship With His Nephew
So…are you having a great day today? If you are, then you probably didn’t read last night about how the domestic violence allegations against 50-year-old Ricky Martin in Puerto Rico took a sharp turn down WTF Way when it was revealed that his accuser is his 21-year-old nephew. Ricky is facing accusations that he was in a sexual and abusive relationship with his nephew for months and when it ended, Ricky got even crazier and stalked his nephew. Through his lawyer, Ricky is denying the allegations and calling them “disgusting.” We go-sign that “disgusting” comment, Ricky’s lawyer.