The Cover, Title, And Release Date Of Prince Harry’s Memoir “Spare” Have Been Revealed

October 27, 2022 / Posted by:

The Doomsday Clock (Big Ben, I assume) for the British Royal Family has been set to toll at the strike of midnight on January 10, 2023. For that is the day when Prince Harry’s memoir, confidently titled Spare, will be unleashed on the world and the secrets buried within those hallowed pages will spew forth and wreak havoc on Harry’s dad, King Charles III et al. melting their faces clean off their skulls like that poor unfortunate souls who dared look at the contents of the Ark of the Covenant in Raiders of the Lost Ark. Cause you know Chuckie Trips and his rag-tag crew of minimally employed relations are gonna peek. They won’t be able to help themselves!

Unfortunately for the rest of us, it would appear that Larry David was not consulted to punch it up as he did for Cazzie David’s memoir; otherwise, it would be titled Spare Me. Indeed, Spare (alternate title: The American Cheese Stands Alone) is shaping up to be a rather serious tome, as indicated by the burnished California Golden Hour light Harry is bathed in on the cover, creating an angelic halo that dissipates into a dappled blur right about where his hairline used to be.

Originally slated to come out this past summer, Harry’s publisher, Penguin Random House, touts Spare’s “raw, unflinching honesty.” So no matter what you thought Harry was doing to create this delay, it wasn’t flinching, OK. Random House didn’t pay $20 million for a memoir from a wannabe tech bro with dry eye. They paid for a copper God whose steely-eyed squint is due to his own incandescent brilliance. According to People:

Prince Harry’s much-anticipated memoir officially has a title, a cover and a release date.

Early Thursday morning, Penguin Random House revealed information about the upcoming book, confirming reports of its Jan. 10, 2023 release date.

Titled Spare, the 416-page book will find Harry telling his story with “raw, unflinching honesty,” Penguin Random House said in a statement, adding that the book is “a landmark publication full of insight, revelation, self-examination, and hard-won wisdom about the eternal power of love over grief.”

It “finds him writing about some moments from his life publicly for the first time,” such as the funeral walk, the British publishers said. The memoir also covers his dedicated service in Afghanistan “and the joy he found in being a husband and father. It offers an honest and captivating personal portrait, one that shows readers that behind everything they think they know about the Prince lies a story that is variably inspiring, courageous, and eye-opening.”

Spare is so unflinching, in fact, that Royal experts say it will “almost certainly be unhelpful” to Chuckie Trips and Queen Consort Camilla. The Daily Mail reports:

King Charles will be ‘nervous’ about Prince Harry’s tell-all memoir, royal experts said today – amid speculation the January 10 publication date suggests the royal has succeeded in his bid to water down its content.

The memoir had initially been signed off ready for an expected autumn release as part of a multi-million pound, three-title deal with Penguin Random House. But its publication was delayed following the Queen’s death, and Harry is said to have requested a number of alterations to make it less critical of the Royal Family.

Royal commentator Richard Fitzwilliams warned the book’s release would be ‘unhelpful’ to King Charles and Camilla, the Queen Consort.

Still, even the mildest of roasts could have dire consequences for The Royal Family and REVENGE is not off the table.

‘The damage to the Royal family will be great. Charles’s retaliation could include not giving their children their prince and princess titles, and even withdrawing their own titles of Duke and Duchess of Sussex.

‘Certainly, Harry was warned that the Sussexes’ revenge would be answered in kind, so there is certain to be a nervous Christmas among the Royal family in Sandringham as they anticipate the worst. For the new King, still planning his coronation, this could not have come at a worse time.’

God save The King from being put off his Christmas turkey by a nervous tummy. Will no one stand with The Great and Powerful King Charles III as he faces the greatest challenge of his reign since that fountain pen gave him a spot of bother? Is there no hero of the British people who will speak out on this OUTRAGE? Oh, there is? Fantastic!

Mark my words: 2023 will be the year we stop calling him Piers Fucking Morgan and start calling him That’s SIR Piers Fucking Morgan, To You!

Pic: Dutch Press Photo/Cover Images

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