Category: Don’t Bother They’re Here

Elon Musk Made An Appearance At A Dave Chappelle Show In San Francisco And Got Booed For Ten Minutes Straight

December 12, 2022 / Posted by:

We know from the progeny he made with Grimes that Elon Musk is super into aliens which might help to explain why he’s spent the past year or so attempting to alienate everybody in his orbit, starting with his own family and then moving on to alienate his investors, then his own employees and customers, and last night, Elon successfully alienated an entire stadium full of Dave Chapelle fans when he joined Dave on stage to deliver the most cacophonous tight-ten I have ever witnessed. According to Forbes, Elon joined Dave on stage during a set at the Chase Center in San Francisco and was greeted with nearly ten minutes of continuous, heartfelt booing from the audience. It would seem, much to his shock and horror, that Elon learned the hard way that, while you can buy friends, you can’t buy your friend’s fans and also that alienating someone doesn’t mean they turn into the cool little outer-space dude he’s been doodling in his notebook since he was eight; it means they hate your ass. Now worse than ever.

Continue reading

Kanye West Didn’t Like That Pete Davidson Bragged About Being In Bed With “His Wife”

March 14, 2022 / Posted by:

Icarus ain’t got shit on Pete Davidson whose determination to put himself in the center of a white hot mess isn’t exclusive to dating Kim Kardashian. This fool is actually going to light a pile of cash on fire to have Jeff Bezos fly him directly towards the sun. According to TMZ, Pete’s been confirmed as one of five passengers who will cram themselves into Jeff’s space dildo next Wednesday for Blue Origin’s 4th manned flight to not quite outer space. Maybe he realized he was doing too much when he texted Kanye West that he was in bed with his wife as seen in a series of screenshots of text messages between the two that were shared on social media over the weekend? I might risk getting my ass hairs singed by Jeff’s cocket boosters too if it meant avoiding running into Kanye at Nobu. Not when he’s penned twin poems titled Dead and Divorce and posted them on Instagram. I’d want to get off this planet too if I thought there was a chance I’d have to listen to Kanye spit some slam poetry at me while I’m trying to enjoy a $50 salad.

Continue reading

Paris Hilton And Jimmy Fallon Showed Off Their Sad Ape NFTs To Crickets On “The Tonight Show”

January 25, 2022 / Posted by:

Everybody loves to complain that they don’t understand the appeal of owning an NFT and would like someone to explain it to them like they’re five until someone actually comes around and does just that and it still doesn’t make any sense. That’s what happened during a mind-numbingly sedate interview with Paris Hilton on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon. Even though 5-year-olds love clowns and girls in sparkly dresses, Jimmy Fallon and Paris were the wrong choices to extol the virtues of the virtual by showing off their own Bored Ape NFTs with all the enthusiasm of a couple of strangers trying to work out a Spot The Difference puzzle while waiting for the dentist. The segment left me with more questions than answers, the most urgent being “are they OK? Is there a carbon monoxide leak in the building?

Continue reading

Caitlyn Jenner Says “The Homeless” Are Driving Her Friends Out Of California

May 6, 2021 / Posted by:

Caitlyn Jenner has obviously put a lot of thought into how she will help Californians of every stripe. Regardless of your party affiliation, Republican or ultra-wealthy Republican — it matters not to Caitlyn as long as you already agree with her. Yesterday, Caitlyn, who is hoping to replace Gavin Newsom as governor of California, gave her first televised interview to Sean Hannity at Fox News. Speaking from her Malibu airplane hangar, she let us know that no matter the size of your private jet, Caitlyn is committed to making sure that none of her friends ever has to make the heartbreaking decision between leaving the state, or looking at a filthy unhoused person as they go about their day. That’s her promise to California.

Continue reading

Now Randy Quaid Is Considering A Run For Governor Of California

April 28, 2021 / Posted by:

After having initially encouraged Caitlyn Jenner’s bid to become governor of California in our now all but certain election to recall Gov. Gavin Newsom, noted crackpot and ardent Donald Trump supporter Randy Quaid has decided that he might throw his hat into the ring as well. And just like that, the three-ring circus has become a four-ring circus. And it’s teeming with lice. If Randy wins, I hope he trains them to do tricks!

Continue reading

Kurt Russell Says Actors Should Just Keep Jestering And Leave Politics Alone

November 18, 2020 / Posted by:

I guess I’m not surprised that 69-year-old Kurt Russell has some old-fashioned ideas about Hollywood, and life in general, but I wouldn’t have guessed they go back as far as the Renaissance era. Kurt and his longtime lady love Goldie Hawn gave a couple’s interview for The New York Times and Kurt let it be known that he thinks actors should stay out of politics lest they “lose their status as a court jester.” Apparently, Kurt’s very worried that the ancient art of jestering will be lost to the ages if actors start expressing their political views. Goldie’s references are much more current because she countered with a “but what about Ronald Regan?,” inadvertently giving even more credence to the argument that actors should definitely stay out of politics if they don’t have the range.

Continue reading

alt="drupal analytics" >