Jen Shah Of “The Real Housewives Of Salt Lake City” Already Had Her 6.5-Year Prison Sentence Reduced By A Year
Though Jen Shah deserves to get time added on to her 6.5-year prison sentence simply for her pre-plea deal”Not Guilty” merch, she instead just caught a break by having a whole year shaved off the time she’s currently serving after pleading guilty to wire fraud. Jen just reported to prison on February 17.
Josh Duggar Had Days Added To His 12.5 Year Prison Sentence And Is In Solitary Confinement For Sneaking In A Cell Phone
Clammy, rapidly regenerating big toe who miraculously gained sentience after smugly strolling out of an enabling Michelle Duggar’s skirted flop pocket, Josh Duggar, will have a couple fewer days to knock up Anna Duggar, the ride-or-die birth canal with arms and legs he married; because his 151-month sentence for being guilty of possessing child pornography was just extended by 41 days after he was caught with a smuggled-in cell phone. Josh has been held in solitary confinement since the phone was discovered and may have to stay there for months.
Semi-professional arrestee Andy Dick continues to give Ezra Miller a run for their money, and while The Flash currently has the lead (as in the lead role in a multi-million dollar super-hero franchise), Andy’s right behind their ass when it comes to getting arrested and charged with felony residential burglary. It’s been almost six months since Andy’s last arrest, and I had just about counted him out of the race. But he came through with a last-minute burst of energy that, according to TMZ, found him allegedly stealing power tools from the garage of a Santa Barbara, CA house that he appears to have been squatting in. Ezra now has 24 hours to respond. Scratch that; Ezra can actually take their time because Andy’s been in jail for an entire week waiting for someone to pay his bond. This would be the perfect opportunity for Warner Bros to swoop in and offer Andy a three-picture deal. Booster Gold, perhaps?
If Prince Andrew woke up this morning with his ears burning, it wasn’t because another one of his idiosyncratic war injuries was acting up. It’s because 4,000 miles away in a Tallahassee, Florida jail cell, a woman Andrew claims to barely know, Ghislaine Maxwell, gave an exclusive interview to The Daily Mail and expressed sympathy for what her “dear friend” has been going through ever since she was tried and convicted of sex trafficking a minor and to sentenced to serve 20 years in prison. And if that wasn’t proof enough that Andrew and that woman he claims Kevin Spacey invited to Buckingham Palace to sit on his now deceased mother, THE QUEEN’s throne, were actually, in fact, at one point, two spoiled-rotten peas in a pod, Ghislaine pulled a total Prince Andrew by complaining about the variety of fruit available to her at meal times. Continue reading
Scamming Fake German Heiress, Anna Sorokin, Has Been Released From Jail But Banned From Using All Forms Of Social Media
Anna “Anna Delvey” Sorokin–the faux-German (actually Russian), faux-trust fund baby who scammed several businesses and rich New Yorkers out of money under the guise of paying them back once she opened a social club she was going to call “The Anna Delvey Foundation”–served out her jail sentence after she was convicted of not being rich enough to be allowed to fuck other people out of their money, and eventually ended up being detained again as she tried to fight with ICE about being deported. But, everyone hold on to your wallets; Anna has been set free, but with a sentence that is probably worse than death to a superficial social climber like her: she has to stay in her house and has been banned from using all forms of social media as a condition of her release.
Due to the cruel, insidious nature of his perversion and fuckery, even while locked behind bars serving a 30-year sentence for raketeering and sex trafficking, Robert Sylvester Kelly’s influence over his victims, alleged or proven otherwise in a court of law by a jury of his peers, still reaches far beyond that itchy spot in the center of his back that I cursed him with during my coven’s most recent workshop, Petty Justice: Hexes and Hot Wings. Robert may be rubbing his back raw up against the cinder block walls of his jail cell, but last week, Joycelyn Savage, his most loyal and vocal “girlfriend,” claimed he proposed to her and that she’s pregnant with his child. Just in case you don’t have any plans next weekend, our next workshop will be Oh Hell No: G&Ts and Fournier’s Gangrene. It’s a virtual meeting and all are welcome!