Prince Andrew Has Reportedly Raised Enough Funds To Prove He’s Never Met Virginia Giuffre In A Court Of Law
One might assume that Prince Andrew doesn’t have much left to lose after getting fired from the one job he was born to do, but according to The Sun, Andy’s coffers aren’t completely bare (again) even though his ex wife Original Fergie‘s lender of choice, The Bank of Epstein, went belly up in 2019 and Andrew’s most reliable source of income, his mummy THE QUEEN, left him high and dry to go play with her corgis in the sky. Thankfully for Andrew, mummy didn’t leave him penniless and he’s presumed to have inherited “several million” from her. Andrew and Fergie also reportedly made £10 million from the sale of their Swiss Chalet. Add in all the money he’s saved on food and rent over the course of his life thanks to the astonishing generosity of the British taxpayer, even if you subtract the reported £3-£6 million he paid to settle Virginia Giuffre’s lawsuit against him plus the cost of postage required to keep in touch with his “dear friend” Ghislaine Maxwell, who is serving 20 years in a Florida prison for sex trafficking, why he’s almost got enough left over to slink away from public life never to be seen or heard from again. It worked for, Prince Harry, Great Britain’s 2nd most superfluous Spare, now didn’t it?
If Prince Andrew woke up this morning with his ears burning, it wasn’t because another one of his idiosyncratic war injuries was acting up. It’s because 4,000 miles away in a Tallahassee, Florida jail cell, a woman Andrew claims to barely know, Ghislaine Maxwell, gave an exclusive interview to The Daily Mail and expressed sympathy for what her “dear friend” has been going through ever since she was tried and convicted of sex trafficking a minor and to sentenced to serve 20 years in prison. And if that wasn’t proof enough that Andrew and that woman he claims Kevin Spacey invited to Buckingham Palace to sit on his now deceased mother, THE QUEEN’s throne, were actually, in fact, at one point, two spoiled-rotten peas in a pod, Ghislaine pulled a total Prince Andrew by complaining about the variety of fruit available to her at meal times. Continue reading
The only silver lining to have come out of Prince Andrew essentially getting away with murder (ing the last veneer of respectability for the Royal Family), was that at least he was broke, or so we thought, after having paid a reported $12 dollar settlement to make all that sex trafficking bother with his former mate Jeffrey Epstein disappear. However, The Sun reports that Andrew’s mum THE QUEEN probably didn’t have to sell jars of her Royal farts on the internet to help cover his payment to his accuser, Virginia Giuffre, because sources are now saying that Andrew only had to pay $3.5 to $6 million to settle the lawsuit in which Virginia accused him of sexually abusing her when she was 17. The Sun says that Andrew is so not broke in fact, he and Original Fergie just bought a $6 million house in the “posh” Mayfair district in London. So I guess Liz was just selling her farts for Love of God and County. God may save the queen, but THE QUEEN saves her queefs for The People.
Prince Andrew Has Lost Another Title But THE QUEEN Reportedly Wants Him To Make A Comeback For Her Jubilee
THE QUEEN’s favorite son, Prince Andrew, has been honored with many titles over the years, in addition to the one he was born with, which is Andrew Albert Christian Edward, Duke of First Names. In 1987, on the day he wed Sarah Ferguson, aka Fergie, First Of Her Name, THE QUEEN officially gave him the title of
His Royal Highness Prince Andrew, Duke of York. From there he just kept racking up the honorifics, and in addition to several military and honorary titles, Andrew’s been distinguished as Randy Andy, HBH: His Buffoon Highness, Baby Grumpling, Air Miles Andy, The Cunt, and whatever it is his brother Prince Charles calls him behind his back.
Even though I know that Prince Andrew agreeing to a settlement with his accuser Virginia Giuffre was the most likely and advantageous outcome for both parties, part of me is suffering from a bad case of justice interruptus. Given that his mother THE QUEEN can pop over to The Tower of London and pocket any number of shiny bits and bobbles she likes from The Crown Jewels, the reported $12 million settlement that Andrew has agreed to pay, is a paltry sum indeed. Hell, Liz probably has enough loose diamonds hidden beneath every sofa, settee, and fainting couch in Buckingham Palace to choke a horse. But according to the New York Post, The Queen will reportedly only be paying a portion of Andrew’s settlement, taking it from her private Duchy of Lancaster estate, the same estate with which she pays Andrew his $323,000 annual salary.
Well well whhhhhhhell, if it isn’t the man who swore he was going to take these sexual assault allegations straight to trial, and swear on a stack of bibles that he is the most not-guilty man who has ever been accused of heinous sex crimes. NBC News reports that a filing was made earlier today which states that it looks like Prince Andrew has gone ahead and bought his freedom in the form of a check made out of Virginia Giuffre, one of the many sex trafficking victims of Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell, who has accused Prince Andrew of having sex with her three times when she was allegedly seventeen years old and was suing Prince Andrew of as much. Honestly, the most shocking part of this story is that Andrew was able to find enough money between the cushions in his couch.