Category: Dick Moves

50 Cent Reached A Settlement With The Medical Spa That Posted A Photo That Was Used To Imply He Had Penile Enhancement

March 29, 2023 / Posted by:

50 Cent’s totally unretouched dick can breathe a sigh of relief; because its battle for integrity has come to a close. As we know, he sued a Miami medical spa and its owner for posting a picture of him that The Shade Room also ended up using on a post about penile enhancement surgery. He also went after The Shade Room, which just settled with him in February. This all may seem trivial to us, but as Benjamin Franklin once said, “justice will not be served until those who are unaffected are as outraged as those who are, and I get my money by Monday.” Or something.

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50 Cent Reached A Settlement With The Shade Room Over Their Alleged False Insinuation He Had Penile Enhancement

February 22, 2023 / Posted by:

50 Cent doesn’t just spend all of his time abhorring his oldest son, trolling Madonna on Instagram, and hanging upside down looking like a bat with a bowel obstruction; he also fiercely defends the honor of his allegedly unretouched penis! A few months ago, 50 filed a lawsuit when a picture he took with plastic surgeon Angela Kogan was posted alongside an interview she did with The Shade Room about penis enhancement surgery. Fofty sued Angela, the med spa she owns, and The Shade Room for implying he had his dong lengthened. According to Complex, 50 recently agreed to settle with The Shade Room for an undisclosed amount.

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Stop Me If You’ve Heard This One Before: Andy Dick Was Arrested For Residential Burglary

October 20, 2022 / Posted by:

Semi-professional arrestee Andy Dick continues to give Ezra Miller a run for their money, and while The Flash currently has the lead (as in the lead role in a multi-million dollar super-hero franchise), Andy’s right behind their ass when it comes to getting arrested and charged with felony residential burglary. It’s been almost six months since Andy’s last arrest, and I had just about counted him out of the race. But he came through with a last-minute burst of energy that, according to TMZ, found him allegedly stealing power tools from the garage of a Santa Barbara, CA house that he appears to have been squatting in. Ezra now has 24 hours to respond. Scratch that; Ezra can actually take their time because Andy’s been in jail for an entire week waiting for someone to pay his bond. This would be the perfect opportunity for Warner Bros to swoop in and offer Andy a three-picture deal. Booster Gold, perhaps?

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Phil Collin’s Ex-Wife Orianne Cevey Is Getting A Divorce From Her New Husband Who Was An Escort

April 19, 2022 / Posted by:

If you should see Andy Cohen today, please give him his space. He is surely in deep mourning after learning that Phil Collins’ ex-wife Orianne Cevey is getting a divorce from her husband of just over a year, Thomas Bates, who she secretly married in Las Vegas while she and Phil were still together. Yet Andy missed his opportunity to cast Orianne in the reboot of Real Housewives of Miami last year. According to Page Six, Orianne and Tom’s love “turned sour” after Phil successfully had them removed from his mansion, where they had been squatting ever since Orianne moved him in, following their wedding while Phil was away on tour. So to learn today from court papers pertaining to her divorce, that Orianne ordered Tom through an escort service and he’s now accusing her of threatening to chop his dick off, must be devastating for Andy. You can’t script that kind of drama! It has to fall from the sky like manna from heaven, and Andy’s over here sitting high and dry. Oh well, you snooze, you lose! And nobody snoozes on Orianne unless they want to see their dick in a jar being auctioned off to the highest bidder!

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Jeff Bezos Became The Second Billionaire To Launch Into Space

July 20, 2021 / Posted by:

Well, he did it. The goofy little bald man just burned billions of dollars to fly into (almost) space in a cock-shaped rocket and all I got was this $18.99 Blue Origin New Shepard Rocket Blueprint T-Shirt off Amazon which I plan to defile by clumsily adding a pair of balls and some pubic hair with a Sharpie. And that $18.99 goes right into Jeff Bezos’ pocket so really, who is the asshole here? According to CNN, Jeff and his Blue Origin crew, which included his brother Mark Bezos and Oliver Daemen, a Dutch teen whose hedge fund daddy paid an undisclosed amount for his seat (the person who originally won the auction had paid $28 million before dropping out due to scheduling issues), flew 60 miles from the earth for about 10 minutes. They even let a girl go with them! Their pilot, 82-year-old Wally Fink, became the oldest woman to launch into space. Upon touching back down to earth, Jeff said it was the “best day ever,” possibly because for the first time in his life people had to use a telescope instead of a microscope to see his dick pics.

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Jeffrey Toobin Returned To CNN After Getting Fired From The New Yorker For Masturbating On A Work Zoom Call

June 11, 2021 / Posted by:

A lot of people had trouble adjusting to Zoom in the early days of the pandemic. I eventually had to break down and buy a light ring because I was unable to continue looking at myself under truck stop bathroom lighting. And CNN legal analyst Jeffery Toobin learned the semi-hard way that what’s appropriate for a truck stop bathroom isn’t necessarily appropriate in a work environment. Back in October, Jeffrey was on a Zoom call with his co-workers at his employer of 27-years, The New Yorker magazine. When a break was called, Jeffrey did what came naturally. He allegedly pulled out his ‘Lil Toobette and went to town not knowing (he insists) that his video was still on. An investigation ensued and Jeffrey was fired from The New Yorker and he took a leave of absence from CNN. 8 months later and Jeffrey’s back on the air at CNN being sure to keep his hands where we can see them but doing a bit too much rocking in his seat for my taste.

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