Category: Jeans Are The Devil’s Work
Josh Duggar Had Days Added To His 12.5 Year Prison Sentence And Is In Solitary Confinement For Sneaking In A Cell Phone
Clammy, rapidly regenerating big toe who miraculously gained sentience after smugly strolling out of an enabling Michelle Duggar’s skirted flop pocket, Josh Duggar, will have a couple fewer days to knock up Anna Duggar, the ride-or-die birth canal with arms and legs he married; because his 151-month sentence for being guilty of possessing child pornography was just extended by 41 days after he was caught with a smuggled-in cell phone. Josh has been held in solitary confinement since the phone was discovered and may have to stay there for months.
Excuse Me As I Torch Every Pair Of Jeans I Own
Since my usual hangout spots aren’t a mega-yacht off the coast of St. Tropez, the private viewing room at Cartier in Beverly Hills, the chef’s table at The Ivy in London, and an Arab sheik’s $100 million Manhattan penthouse, I will probably never feel a La Mer-infused cloud of glamour hit me while seeing Dame Joan Collins live and in person. But just in case she ever decides to slum it with the disgusting peasants at a Target again, I’m going to destroy every pair of jeans I own and only leave the house in my freshly-ironed formal sweats (the one with the least stains on them). Because I do not want to be the one who makes Dame Joan dry heave into a Hermès handkerchief from the sight of legs slathered in the fabric of Satan (read: denim)!