R. Kelly Has Been Sentenced To 30 Years In Prison
Just four years ago, Robert Sylvester Kelly was bragging that it was too late to prosecute him for any alleged crimes because, not only was he adored by “40 billion motherfuckers,” but they “should have did this shit thirty years ago” before his music had “been injected into the world.” Speaking of lethal injections, Robert won’t be administered one for the crimes of racketeering and sex trafficking that he was convicted of last September in New York. However, according to Page Six, he will be serving a 30-year sentence for them. Oopsie daisy! Turns out it wasn’t too late to #MuteRKelly after all. Today, Robert was sentenced to serve 30 years for one count of racketeering and eight counts of violating the Mann Act which “prohibits the transport of ‘any woman or girl across state lines for any ‘immoral purpose’.” Thanks to vaccines and the dozens of brave women (45 witnesses testified!) who came forward to share their experiences, 40 billion motherfuckers have been cured!
Honestly, I couldn’t name an R. Kelly song right now if you paid me. Maybe if we all get our boosters, we’ll forget what his fucking face looks like too. Page Six reports:
R. Kelly has been sentenced to 30 years following his conviction in federal court on racketeering and sex trafficking charges last September.
It took about nine hours across two days for the jury of seven men and five women to deliberate and eventually convict the “I Wish” singer.
“To the victims in this case, your voices were heard, and justice was finally served,” acting US Attorney Jacquelyn Kasulist said outside the courtroom after the verdict.
“No one deserves what they experienced at his hands. Or the threats and harassment they faced.”
According to The Washington Post, the racketeering conviction “included 14 underlying acts,” which included fraudulently marrying Aaliyah, “who was 15 and believed to be pregnant at the time,” and bribing a government official to issue her fake ID “to protect himself legally while he sexually abused Aaliyah, starting when she was 12 or 13 years old.” The Mann Act convictions were for “traveling across state lines for illegal sexual activity, coercion and enticement, and transportation of a minor.” Considering the magnitude of the harm he’s caused, 30 years seems a bit light. Robert’s team had requested he only be sentenced to “14 to 17.5 years,” arguing that the prosecution couldn’t prove he “was a leader of criminal activity.” As if for the past 30 years, dozens upon dozens of random young men and women just kept sneaking into his house and locking themselves in his basement. Thankfully, the judge wasn’t buying his Shaggy Defense and went with the prosecution’s recommendation:
Prosecutors asked Judge Ann Donnelly for a sentence of more than 25 years for the Grammy winner, stating in a sentencing memo that the Chicago-born crooner relied on his fame and money to “both carry and conceal his crimes.”
“In light of the seriousness of the offenses, the need for specific deterrence and the need to protect the public from further crimes of the defendant … the government respectfully submits that a sentence in excess of 25 years is warranted,” the US Attorney’s Office for the Eastern District of New York wrote at the time.
“Indeed, the defendant’s decades of crime appear to have been fueled by narcissism and a belief that his musical talent absolved him of any need to conform his conduct — no matter how predatory, harmful, humiliating or abuse to other — to the strictures of the law,” the memo went on.
“He continued his crimes and avoided punishment for them for almost 30 years and must now be held to account.”
If Robert, 55, serves his full sentence, he will be 85 years old before he’s released. And he could serve even more time. Robert joins fellow convicted sexual predator Harvey Weinstein as one of America’s ugliest itinerant convicts. WP adds:
Kelly also faces various criminal charges in Chicago and Minnesota. In August, he is scheduled to go to trial in Illinois on federal charges of child pornography and obstruction of justice. In that case, Kelly switched defense attorneys, hiring Jennifer Bonjean, who helped free Bill Cosby last year after he served three years of a prison sentence for sexual assault. He pleaded not guilty to the charges in 2020.
Ok, so 3999999999 billion motherfuckers have been cured. I guess Jennifer is still out here licking toilets and taints for cash. But hey, maybe he can get those numbers down by collaborating on a track with a fellow guest of the New York State Department of Corrections, Ghislaine Maxwell, who was just sentenced to 20 years for sex trafficking. They could even start a band. See if Harvey wants to play maracas! I’m sure Bill would be happy to act as their manager since his post-prison career hasn’t quite taken off like he thought it would. But are 40 billion motherfuckers ready to be injected with the sweet, sweet sounds of The Hoosegow Hooligans? Meh. I’d give it a listen.
Pic: AP Photo/Elizabeth Williams