Last month, British police announced that Kevin Spacey was being charged with four counts of sexual assault against three men. The only problem was that no one seemed to know where American Yucky was. He couldn’t be formally charged until he stepped foot in England or Wales, and it wasn’t completely clear what his current location was. London? Los Angeles? Florida? It was like playing a game of Carmen Sandiego, except instead of a charismatic criminal in a statement trench and hat, we were dealing with a maybe-missing 62-year-old Oscar winner with a history of creeping people out. Kevin finally materialized from wherever he was hiding and made his way to London, where he was formally presented with those charges.
After an investigation by London’s Metropolitan Police, Britain’s Crown Prosecution Service charged Kevin with four counts of sexual assault and one count of causing a person to engage in penetrative sexual activity without consent. So technically five counts in total. According to BBC News, today was the day the courts needed to talk about Kevin, and Kevin was there in person to join the conversation. Except he didn’t exactly say much.
Patrick Gibbs QC, who is defending Mr Spacey, said: “Mr Spacey strenuously denies any and all criminality in this case.”
He was not asked to enter pleas for the alleged offences from 2005 to 2013.
Mr Spacey’s next appearance will be at Southwark Crown Court on 14 July for a plea and trial preparation hearing.
To get technical, the criminality that Kevin Spacey is strenuously denying is the following:
– Two counts of sexual assault on a man in March 2005
– Sexual assault on a man and causing him to engage in penetrative sexual activity without consent in August 2008
– Sexual assault on a man in April 2013
BBC News notes that the most serious charge in the group is the penetrative sex without consent one. They say that it can only be tried in a Crown Court. CNN says that Kevin was granted “unconditional bail,” after his lawyer argued that Kevin had to return to the United States between court dates. After Kevin was granted bail, he left the court. BBC News says that he was present for about half an hour. Here’s what it looked like when Kevin showed up to court. Truly always a shock to the system when he’s not seen in a piece rented out from John Travolta’s artificial scalp turf collection.
BREAKING: Actor Kevin Spacey has been granted unconditional bail after appearing at Westminster Magistrates' Court where he did not enter pleas to four charges of sexual assault.
Spacey will next appearance at Southwark Crown Court on 14 Julyhttps://t.co/iiipN735zc
📺 Sky 501 pic.twitter.com/bKwDHeJwSV
— Sky News (@SkyNews) June 16, 2022
It was revealed in court that Kevin Spacey gave his London address when asked for his address, but stated that he lives in the United States with his “family and nine-year-old dog.”
The only real talking Kevin did was to answer the court when they asked him to state his name, address, and date of birth. BBC News reports that defense and prosecution flip-flopped between addressing him as Mr. Spacey and Mr. Fowler – that would be because Kevin’s legal name is Kevin Spacey Fowler. When asked which he preferred, Kevin reportedly smiled, shrugged, and said either was fine. Honestly, Kevin Spacey has acted so casually and unserious about the allegations that have been thrown at him, I’m shocked he didn’t crack a joke like, “Spacey, Fowler…just don’t call me late to dinner. I do love your delicious Yorkshire puddings” while winking at the nearest man in a powdery and curly wig.