Category: Go Directly To Jail

Ezra Miller Is Sowwy And Is In Treatment For “Complex Mental Health Issues”

August 16, 2022 / Posted by:

Well, it looks like there’s one thing that can temporarily stop Ezra Miller’s crime spree of terror that has hit Hawaii, Iceland, Vermont, and beyond. The answer is: threat of a breach of contract lawsuit from Warner Bros. and loss of more checks. I mean, it would be kind of hard for Ezra to run a cult in Iceland if trick can’t keep the lights on. Ezra The Terrible has sort of, not really, responded to the accusations of grooming, assault, abuse, kidnapping, thievery, and harassment by farting up a hollow non-apology that was totally not written by the PR team behind The Flash. Ezra adds that they’re in treatment for “complex mental health issues.” Surprisingly, Ezra’s damage control statement didn’t end with, “See! Everything’s okay now and you no longer have to feel shitty about buying a ticket to my movie The Flash, out in theaters on June 23, 2023!” Warner Bros. is slipping.

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Jerry Harris Of “Cheer” Sentenced to 12 Years For Sex Charges Involving Minors

July 7, 2022 / Posted by:

The Netflix docuseriesCheer first came out in January 2020, right before the pandemic fucked us all the way up. Seeing the Navarro College cheer kids twerk themselves to the bone to “make mat” and “get to Daytona [National Cheer Competition]” while coach Monica Aldama looked on, totally emotionless and dead-behind-the-eyes, was inspiring–especially as we were stuck in our homes Clorox wiping our groceries or, for an exciting change, making sourdough bread starters. One Navarro cheerleader who really stood out and gained notoriety was JeremiahJerry” Harris. He presented himself as a big, fuzzy teddy bear with a positive attitude and would give “mat talks” to inspire his teammates through tough times. But, he had some demons lurking under his seemingly innocent façade. As it turns out, the FBI started investigating him in late 2019 for possessing child sex abuse materials; he was soliciting obscene pics and videos, and even making plans to engage in sex with teenage boys at cheer competitions. Yesterday, Jerry was found guilty and has just been sentenced to 12 years behind bars for his crimes. 

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Ghislaine Maxwell Has Been Sentenced To 20 Years In Prison

June 28, 2022 / Posted by:

The final chapter in Ghislaine Maxwell’s story as one of the grosses main characters in the Jeffrey Epstein sex trafficking saga has finally come to a close today (possible title of that book: Is There A Place Hotter Than Hell For These Two?). Nearly six months after Ghislaine Maxwell was found guilty of five charges, including sex trafficking a minor, it was time to return to court and discuss sentencing. Lo and behold, Ghislaine will be locked away for 20 years.

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A Judge Ordered Britney Spears’ Wedding Crashing Ex-Husband Jason Alexander To Stay In Jail Until His Next Hearing

June 28, 2022 / Posted by:

Britney Spears got married to Sam Asghari earlier this month, blessing us all with the wedding of the year? Summer? Maybe just June 9th? And although the wedding itself seemed pretty tame by celeb standards, there were chaotic events both in the lead-up to it and family drama aplenty after the fact. In case you aren’t caught up, one of the most notable pre-wedding events was Britney’s ex-husband of 55 hours, Jason Alexander, showing up armed with a boxcutter and Instagram Live-streaming himself entering her house without permission and eventually being apprehended by the police. Britney got a 3-year restraining order issued against him pretty much as soon as the last guest left the reception (my money is on Madonna, she looks like she likes to get wedding-sloppy and then have to be peeled off of the floor at the end of the night). On Monday, Jason had a preliminary hearing to answer to the charges and the judge ruled that he’ll be staying in the slammer for now.

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Todd And Julie Chrisley Of “Chrisley Knows Best” Found Guilty Of Fraud

June 8, 2022 / Posted by:

Now that The Depp/Heard trial is over, the country’s courts have their resources back to be able to pinch other celebs who wanna act up, and Todd and Julie Chrisley were next in line on the docket. Back in 2019, the reality TV couple was charged with committing a buttload (“oh, behave, you!” blushed Todd) of financial crimes spanning back years. Yesterday, they were found guilty of trying to scheme banks out of $30 million in loans and federal tax crimes and could now face up to 30 years in prison.

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Michelle Duggar Has Requested That The Courts Be Lenient In Sentencing Josh Duggar

May 13, 2022 / Posted by:

That picture of Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar standing in front of a crinkled Dollar General plastic tablecloth and hastily thrown-together balloon basket could be the inspiration for so many jokes related to their convicted creep son, Josh Duggar. Like those balloons that say “55” – that’s how many years minimum Josh should spend behind bars (with the option to auto-renew another 55 years immediately after). Or the basket and the balloons itself. Why not tie a whole bunch of balloons to a basket and release Josh into the sky, to float directly into the sun? All good options! But if you ask Michelle, she’s pleading with the court system to take pity on her son.

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