Category: Go Directly To Jail

Elizabeth Holmes Has Given Birth To Her Second Child And Wants To Delay Her Prison Sentence Since She Has A Newborn Now

March 1, 2023 / Posted by:

Today in Great News For Amanda Seyfried: Convicted fraudster Elizabeth Holmescontinued post-season antics have provided more than enough material to guarantee that Hulu will be reaching out to Amanda for a second season of The Dropout. And she hasn’t even started serving her 11-year prison sentence for fraud yet! According to People, Elizabeth has just given birth to her second child with husband Billy Evans, and has asked the court if it would be OK, given that she’s not a flight risk, not with a NEWBORN, if she could, pretty please, hold off on serving her time while she appeals her conviction. **stares in Elizabeth Holmes***

**stares in Elizabeth Holmes***

**stares in Elizabeth Holmes***

**stares in Elizabeth Holmes***


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Erika Jayne’s Estranged Husband Tom Girardi Has Been Indicted On Embezzlement Charges

February 2, 2023 / Posted by:

This past season of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills saw drunken pretty petty mess Erika Jayne cursing out children and almost meeting her demise at the foot of a yacht while the audience screamed, “Fuck her!” Because during her lucrative marriage to powerful lawyer turned accused criminal, Tom Girardi, she threw her ill-gotten wealth in our faces all the time. But now that Tom has been formally indicted on countless charges of defrauding his clients out of millions of dollars, he will have to face a judge to answer for his crimes, and I hope the jury is made up of nothing but widows and orphans.

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Authorities Say That Elizabeth Holmes Tried To Flee To Mexico After She Was Convicted

January 21, 2023 / Posted by:

From Time magazine to time behind bars. One of this century’s greatest scammers, Elizabeth Holmes, is soon to be jailed despite being too pretty for it. After promising multiple high-profile investors that the Edison, her blood testing machine, would revolutionize the medical industry, Elizabeth got into some hot water once it was discovered that it was just a slightly used scanner that she picked up from behind an Office Max. What happens when you’ve been caught up in fraud, and the feds are after you? You skip town to Mexico, of course! According to prosecutors, Elizabeth hatched a plan to escape the country and booked a one-way flight to Mexico. SPOILER ALERT: much like the Edison, it didn’t work.

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Jen Shah Of “The Real Housewives Of Salt Lake City” Celebrated Her Prison Sentencing With A Swanky 20-Person Dinner

January 9, 2023 / Posted by:

It probably goes without saying that any move you make in the hours after being sentenced for being guilty of  massively fraudulent telemarketing schemes targeted at wiping out savings accounts of the elderly will be scrutinized, but it doesn’t take a rocket SHAH-entist (I’m truly sorry) to realize that holding a flashy dinner for 20 at an expensive and conspicuous NYC restaurant is not a good look. But Jen Shah has basically made a name for herself by making poor choices and being painfully self-unaware, so that’s exactly what she did. And a few days after the proceedings coined “The JENtencing,” fellow The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City wife, Whitney Rose, served Jen some shade in her Instagram Stories and when she appeared alongside Marilyn Manson Julia Fox on Watch What Happens Live.

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The Man Who Shot Lady Gaga’s Dog Walker Was Sentenced To 21 Years In Prison

December 6, 2022 / Posted by:

Despite the fact that law enforcement and the justice system are known to be stalwart, trustworthy institutions, somehow, the gunman in the February 2021 attack in which Lady Gaga’s dog walker, Ryan Fischer, was brutally beaten and shot, and two of her three French bulldogs were stolen was accidentally released from prison because of a “clerical error” back in April while awaiting trial. Oopsie! But luckily, the gunman, 19-year-old James Howard Jackson, was recaptured a few months later and was just sentenced to 21 years in the slammer for his role in the attack.

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Ezra Miller Is Sowwy And Is In Treatment For “Complex Mental Health Issues”

August 16, 2022 / Posted by:

Well, it looks like there’s one thing that can temporarily stop Ezra Miller’s crime spree of terror that has hit Hawaii, Iceland, Vermont, and beyond. The answer is: threat of a breach of contract lawsuit from Warner Bros. and loss of more checks. I mean, it would be kind of hard for Ezra to run a cult in Iceland if trick can’t keep the lights on. Ezra The Terrible has sort of, not really, responded to the accusations of grooming, assault, abuse, kidnapping, thievery, and harassment by farting up a hollow non-apology that was totally not written by the PR team behind The Flash. Ezra adds that they’re in treatment for “complex mental health issues.” Surprisingly, Ezra’s damage control statement didn’t end with, “See! Everything’s okay now and you no longer have to feel shitty about buying a ticket to my movie The Flash, out in theaters on June 23, 2023!” Warner Bros. is slipping.

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