Angela Bassett puts us all to shame in the aging department in that she just doesn’t age. Well, now she also puts us to shame in being able to not having her head blow off into the next county in a fit of rage over being confused with probably the last person she ever wanted to get mistaken for. The New York Times ran a photo from the Emmys yesterday of Angela and Tiffany Haddish presenting Rachel Brosnahan with her Best Actress in a Comedy Series Emmy…only an early edition of the Times said it was Omarosa Manigault Newmant, y’know, because she’s always taking center stage at the Emmys. Social media handled it about as well as you would expect…but Angela seems to be taking it all in stride!
One of the brighter spots during the Emmys was when director Glenn Weiss won the award for Outstanding Directing for a Variety Special, and he turned his acceptance speech into a wedding proposal. His girlfriend of seven years, Jan Svendsen, said yes, and all of us at home believed in true love once again. Except the thing is, not everyone might’ve been swooning over Glenn’s public proposal. According to Page Six, Glenn’s two daughters didn’t exactly love finding out about their dad’s proposal on television with the rest of us.
Ratings hit a new low, and many shat on this year’s Emmy Awards for being boring apart from the winner who used his acceptance speech to propose to his girlfriend. Luckily, the producers also recognize nothing puts a smile on an audience members face like puppies and Betty White. Considering the how populated the Microsoft Theater was Monday night with gluten-free/oh-so-allergic actors and actresses, they went with honoring Betty and her more than 80 (!!!) years in show business. It was a smart call since everyone bent the knee in the spirit of Game Of Thrones to Miss Rose Nylund!
TVLine notes how Betty also channeled the late Rue McClanahan’s Blanche Devereaux by pawing up on Alec Baldwin and saying, “You think I’m gonna miss a chance when I get it?” Betty! Don’t waste your time on Alec when those hot pieces of GoT man meat are just two aisles over! Some people tried to say Betty sounded a little shaky, but I’d like to see their ass at 96 take center stage. Betty marveled how wonderful it was to have a career as long as hers in an industry “that will still put up with you…I wish they still did that at home.” Pish posh, Betty! I’d gladly put up with you for 96 more years over that reboot of Jersey Shore (or anything on TV, for that matter)!
It’s a bit redundant to say so, because aren’t all award shows just an excuse for fashion houses to clean out their local Fabric Barn and send a famous person down the carpet in more material than a 1980s canopy bed set? But the Emmys did see a lot of by-the-yardage last night, like on Jessica Biel, who said yes to a white Ralph & Russo dress. If you think Jessica and Justin Timberlake look like they stopped by the Emmys on their way to appearing on the top of a wedding cake, you’re not the only one.
Scarlett Johansson and Colin Jost have yet another set of precious memories to paste in their Celebrity Relationship Milestones book that your agent gives you when you hook up with another famous person.
Last night’s next step took place at the Emmys, where Colin co-hosted with his SNL Weekend Update partner Michael Che. Scarlett and Colin made their first official red carpet debut back in April at the Avengers: Infinity War premiere, then went a little fancier a month later at the Met Gala. Last night was their official awards show couples walk on the…what color would we call the Emmy’s carpet last night? Rice Krispy Treat beige? Sure.
Scarlett wore a Balmain dress, while Colin continued to look like that one groomsman at his high school buddy’s wedding who can’t wait to run to his car and trade in his dress shoes for sneakers. But all that really matters here is ScarJo’s dress, which looks what a housekeeper at a resort would do if asked to fold bath towels into a gown instead of a swan.
Once inside, it wasn’t about Scarlett anymore. Here’s Colin and Michael’s monologue, in which they began with a shout out to the #MeToo movement.
Then they went on to talk about TV’s diversity problem. That’s when I’m sure Scarlett considered standing up and volunteering her services as a recently-woke diversity expert. “Pro tip, television: In the event you do create more diverse characters, try not to hire people that look like me to play them.”
Since bitterness and cynicism are the not-so-secret ingredients that keep the frostbitten bag of rotten vulture gizzards I call a heart nice and frozen, I truly let out an, “Oh my fucking GOD no!“, while watching last night’s Emmys when I realized that a live wedding proposal was about to go down. And also because bitterness and cynicism are the not-so-secret ingredients that keep the frostbitten bag of rotten vulture gizzards I call a heart nice and frozen, I screamed, “Please let her say NO,” right after. But she didn’t, and the icy turd in my chest may or may not have melted a little when she said yes. DAMMIT! I hate feeling things.