The Emmys Was Bursting With Excessive Amounts Of Fabric Last Night

September 18, 2018 / Posted by:

It’s a bit redundant to say so, because aren’t all award shows just an excuse for fashion houses to clean out their local Fabric Barn and send a famous person down the carpet in more material than a 1980s canopy bed set? But the Emmys did see a lot of by-the-yardage last night, like on Jessica Biel, who said yes to a white Ralph & Russo dress. If you think Jessica and Justin Timberlake look like they stopped by the Emmys on their way to appearing on the top of a wedding cake, you’re not the only one.

Jessica, a Lead Actress in a Limited Series/Movie nominee, told reporters last night that she felt like she was “getting married again” in her dress. The only thing is, Jessica and Justin’s look scream anything but second wedding. During their first wedding six years ago, Justin did everything in his power to upstage his bride. The only way Jessica could accurately get that same marriage day feeling again would be if Justin exited the limo in a tuxedo covered in thousands of blinking LED lights while hollering: “BEEP BEEP, OSCAR-NOMINATED HUSBAND COMING THROUGH.

Moving on to Tiffany Haddish, who Michael K accurately compared to a flashback to 3rd grade gym class with her rainbow Prabal Gurung dress. Tiffany says the dress was a tribute to her father’s country (it’s the colors of the Eritrean flag). And if Tiffany is the gym class parachute, then Tracee Ellis Ross is the actual parachute you pack when you jump out of a plane.

Tracee wore a Valentino gown that definitely looks like it was pulled from a farmer’s field after a safe landing. Aside from the parachute comparisons, if you squint, it kind of looks like Tracee is very tiny and made a dress out of a chewed-up piece of bubble gum, which is perfect for that date with Stuart Little.

And finally in our fabric extravaganza, is Jonathan Van Ness from Queer Eye, who wore a Stella McCartney suit and a Prada turtleneck. A turtleneck made of a generous amount of wet-look peach organza. I’m not going to say what it reminds me of, because I’m a classy lady. But I will say that I hope the suit-and-suggestive turtleneck ensemble is a trend that catches on.

Here’s more from last night’s beige carpet, including Jenifer Lewis, who showed up in head-to-toe Nike. Activism and comfort!


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