Category: Jared Kushner

Elon Musk Polled Users On If He Should Step Down As The Head Of Twitter With Unsurprising Results

December 19, 2022 / Posted by:

Could it be that our internet-age Icarus has, at long last, flew too close to the sun? In this case, the sun being Dave Chappelle’s white-hot dragon breath? Because not only did Elon Musk get his ass torched by ten minutes of sustained booing, it looks like he’s had his eyelashes singed off too so now he looks even more like Dr. Evil dressed up as Pennywise the Clown for a costume party at Twitter HQ but is now standing outside in the rain arguing with the bouncer that he doesn’t need an invitation (it’s his party, dammit), before being led away by security, his comically large rubber shoes squeaking the entire time, much to the delight of the crowd of revelers who just unanimously voted that he should be 86’ed from Club Twitterverse for good.

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Sources Claim Kanye West Is Only With Julia Fox To Piss Off Kim Kardashian

January 10, 2022 / Posted by:

File this in DUH, BITCH! Sources tell Page Six that Kanye West is only dating Julia Fox, to “get under Kim Kardashian‘s skin,” and is a direct response to her dating Pete Davidson. Um… obviously! It’s not even remotely coy–they had an Interview article about a date! Even Kris Jenner knows that’s too obvious. She’ll make one of her uber-rich children go to a got-damn public amusement park before she’ll do a faux-interview about Pete loving Kim’s bodacious ass. She’ll just have them take walks with obvious hickeys on their necks–way more nuanced.

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Ivanka Trump Googled “Feelings” And Decided That Hers Were Hurt By Sister-In-Law Karlie Kloss

January 9, 2021 / Posted by:

Maybe that’s not entirely fair. Perhaps real emotions do reside beneath Ivanka Trump’s exquisitely blank facial canvas with severely limited range of expression, but they have no ready avenue of cutaneous escape. Her sister-in-law, model Karlie Kloss, on the other hand, sports a full palette of facial movements well matched to her speech and feelings. And herein may lie some of the tiff (no, not that Tiff). The other day, we learned from Karlie on Twitter that she’s tried to talk to her in-laws, Ivanka, and cartoon-villain husband Jared Kushner, brother of her own husband, Josh Kushner, about the usual family dinner conversation topics of fair elections and insurrection.

Ivanka didn’t use Twitter to let us know how she feels about Karlie’s tweets and probably because she’s busy fighting with her father, who has been permanently banned from Twitter, about him taking over her Twitter and she will not let that happen since she needs it to spew her own bullshit. But thanks to Page Six, we now know Ivanka’s thoughts on Karlie’s tweets.

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Karlie Kloss Says She’s Tried To Talk To Her Sister-In-Law Ivanka Trump (While Taylor Swift Might Have Come For Karlie In Song)

January 7, 2021 / Posted by:

When you hear the name The Kushners, you might ask, “The evil ones, or the ones that have dinner with the evil ones?” Because as we all know, there are two Kushner brothers. One is Jared Kushner, who is married to Ivanka Trump, both of which hold positions in the Trump administration. Then there is Josh Kushner, who married supermodel and reality TV host Karlie Kloss. Karlie has been vocal about her political leanings, but talking about not voting for Trump doesn’t count for a whole lot when you have a direct line to two of his highest-ranking barnacles and aren’t exactly calling them out.

Karlie has repeatedly been accused of keeping her lips sealed when it comes to her in-laws. And during yesterday’s attempted coup at the US Capitol building, it happened again. Someone called Karlie out, asking her why she hasn’t said anything to Ivanka and Jared. Karlie would like to set the record straight and let everyone know she has tried.

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Tom Brady And Gisele Bündchen Are Setting Sail For “Billionaire’s Bunker” In Miami On Their New $2 Million Yacht

December 11, 2020 / Posted by:

The uber-rich really got it made in the shade right now! It’s a fucking great time to be criminally wealthy in America what with all the government hand-outs and profiteering off the unprecedented number of poor people suffering from the economic, physical, and emotional effects of the coronavirus pandemic. And there is no time like the present to flaunt. That. Shit! As such, Page Six reports that Tom Brady and Gisele Bündchen just dropped $17 million for a house on Indian Creek Bunker in Miami, also known as “billionaire’s bunker,” where Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump just bought a plot. I know, just $17 million! What a steal. That’s because it’s a tear down.

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Donald And Melania Trump Are Both Experiencing “Mild Symptoms” After Testing Positive for COVID-19

October 2, 2020 / Posted by:

Like many Americans, when I read the news last night that President Donald Trump and the First Lady Melania Trump had both tested positive for COVID-19, I braced myself for the worst. With the announcement coming as late as it did (Trump tweeted his and Melania’s diagnosis at 1:00 AM EST ), I was forced to go to bed before knowing the veracity of the statement or having had the time to fully process what this news could mean for our nation. This morning I learned that those dumb asses really got that shit!

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