Elon Musk Polled Users On If He Should Step Down As The Head Of Twitter With Unsurprising Results
Could it be that our internet-age Icarus has, at long last, flew too close to the sun? In this case, the sun being Dave Chappelle’s white-hot dragon breath? Because not only did Elon Musk get his ass torched by ten minutes of sustained booing, it looks like he’s had his eyelashes singed off too so now he looks even more like Dr. Evil dressed up as Pennywise the Clown for a costume party at Twitter HQ but is now standing outside in the rain arguing with the bouncer that he doesn’t need an invitation (it’s his party, dammit), before being led away by security, his comically large rubber shoes squeaking the entire time, much to the delight of the crowd of revelers who just unanimously voted that he should be 86’ed from Club Twitterverse for good.
If Elon had even a fraction of the charisma, charm, and sex appeal of The Grinch, as portrayed by Matthew Morrison in that live-action lucid nightmare of a musical production from a couple of years ago, he might have had better luck boosting his already bruised ego by kicking off the holidays with a casual yet binding poll asking users if he should step down as head of Twitter. And The People have spoken. As soon as they caught their breath from laughing that the recently former richest man the world and supposed titan of industry actually said “I will abide by the results of this poll” with a serious face (a face, mind you, that is still an avatar of Elon dressed up in his Big-Boi Underoos for Billionaires from the last fancy dress party he crashed), The People, wiping tears from their eyes, said “yes.”
Should I step down as head of Twitter? I will abide by the results of this poll.
— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) December 18, 2022
Elon’s “shoot first ask questions later” style of management is certainly a choice. It’s just not The People’s choice. These People include investors, users, employees, journalists, Dave Chappelle fans, and possibly Elon’s World Cup seatmate Jared Kushner who was probably voting in Elon’s poll right as this header picture was taken. Yes, Jared has a giant hand. It’s a known (fun!) fact. CNBC reports:
Twitter’s new owner and CEO, Elon Musk, posted an informal poll of the social media platform’s users Sunday asking if he should step down as head of the company.
At 6:20 a.m. ET on Monday, the poll ended with a majority of respondents (57.5%) calling for the billionaire to leave his post. More than 17 million users had voted by the time the poll closed.
Musk claimed he would abide by the results of the poll. It is unclear whether or not he will actually do so. Shares of Tesla — another one of Musk’s companies — were down more than 2% Monday morning.
In court in November, Musk said, “I expect to reduce my time at Twitter and find somebody else to run Twitter over time.” However, on Sunday, he wrote in a tweet that there is no possible successor for him at the social media company.
Musk claimed he would abide by the results of the poll. It is unclear whether or not he will actually do so. Shares of Tesla — another one of Musk’s companies — were down more than 2% Monday morning.
In court in November, Musk said, “I expect to reduce my time at Twitter and find somebody else to run Twitter over time.” However, on Sunday, he wrote in a tweet that there is no possible successor for him at the social media company.
“The question is not finding a CEO, the question is finding a CEO who can keep Twitter alive,” he wrote.
In response to another user speculating that Musk has already chosen a successor, the billionaire said: “No one wants the job who can actually keep Twitter alive. There is no successor.”
As we know, in recent days, Elon’s taken some big managerial leaps that he tripped over because of his oversized novelty shoes and baggy patchwork pants. Last Friday, he made the unilateral decision to suspend the accounts of a number of journalists “who were critical of the CEO or his companies in the past,” a move that was, for the most part, quickly reversed. And over the weekend, Elon introduced a new policy that “prohibited users from sharing links to some of their other social media accounts.” That move moved “longtime Musk friends and proponents” to “express their dismay,” prompting Elon “to later apologize and roll it back.” Apologize?! Worst evil villain; clown, mad scientist, possessed doll (Jared), sexual Grinch, or otherwise — ever!
Going forward, there will be a vote for major policy changes. My apologies. Won’t happen again.
— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) December 18, 2022
And Twitter isn’t the only bed Elon’s nervous bowels are threatening to soil. Tesla stock was down 2% this morning, and “shares in Tesla had dropped about 60% year to date as of Friday’s close.”
In a note late Sunday, Dan Ives, managing director of equities at Wedbush Securities, wrote that the second-biggest request on his Christmas “wish list” was for Musk to find a successor to run the social media company.
“With the Twitter chaos front and center and resulting in a major headache and overhang for the Tesla story, we believe Musk needs to name a permanent CEO of Twitter (and not Musk himself) to end the pain,” Ives said.
Tesla’s largest retail shareholder, Leo Koguan, wrote in a tweet on Dec. 14, that “Elon abandoned Tesla and Tesla has no working CEO.” He called on the company’s board of directors to take action. “Tesla needs and deserves to have [a] working full time CEO,” he wrote, criticizing the board for apparent inaction.
The solution seems clear to me. Elon’s clearly in over his head, and Matthew is legally barred from playing make-believe in the future. Really, there’s only one villain left who has the range to steal Twitter, Christmas, and our hearts. Let Lea Michele as Matthew Morrison’s Sexual Grinch be the new CEO of Twitter NOW, you COWARDS!
Pic: David Niviere/ABACA/INSTARimages.com/Cover Images