Category: Billionaire Shit

92-Year-Old Rupert Murdoch Is Engaged Again Less Than A Year After His Divorce From Jerry Hall

March 20, 2023 / Posted by:

Less than a year after his divorce from Jerry Hall was finalized, Rupert Murdoch is taking another chance on love. Rupert’s own New York Post reports that although the 92-year-old, understandably, “dreaded falling,” he apparently stumbled in the right direction and fell “in love” with Ann Lesley Smith, the 66-year-old widow of “country singer, radio and TV execChester Smith. Rupert is worth an estimated $17 billion and according to Forbes, has a philanthropy score of 1 out of a possible 5. Which means he’s probably a shitty tipper. So marrying him is really Anne’s only option.

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A California Man Claims That Someone Named “Reggie” Stole His Winning $2.04 Billion Lottery Ticket

February 23, 2023 / Posted by:

Never, ever, ever, EVER trust a dude named Reggie. I can’t believe I’m even having to remind people of this; it’s rule number two #inthesestreets, right after no snitching! But according to TMZ, a man named Jose Rivera broke both of those cardinal rules and is suing a dude named Reggie, who he claims stole a lottery ticket he bought the day before a $2.04 billion drawing and refused to give it back. Jose claims he bought the winning ticket from Joe’s Service Center in Altadena, CA on November 7 and it was stolen by Reggie that same day. And now Jose has filed a lawsuit against Reggie and Edwin Castro, the man who the California Lottery announced was the rightful owner of the golden ticket.

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Nicola And Brooklyn Peltz Beckham’s Wedding “Chaos” Is Detailed In A Counter-Suit Filed By The Wedding Planners Her Dad Is Suing

February 21, 2023 / Posted by:

You don’t become a billionaire by throwing money away. Sure, it’s a great way to become an ex-billionaire, but you’re not making your way to the top of the food chain without getting litigious about every nickel and dime you think you’re owed. So it was no surprise that Nicola Peltz’s billionaire daddy, Nelson Peltz, decided to sue a pair of wedding planners for $159,000, a mere drop in one of the many buckets he’s probably got stashed under the tap of one of his untraceable overseas bank accounts. But unfortunately for Daddy Peltz, the bucket bit back and now he’s being counter-sued for breach of contract by Nicole Braghin and Arianna Grijalba, the third set of wedding planners they used, who were fired after an alleged nine days in hell of dealing with Nicola and her mom Claudia Peltz’ disorganization and unreasonable demands the planners claim kept them from doing their job.

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Lauren Sanchez Talks About Being “Devastated” Over Losing A Gig On “The View,” Jeff Bezos’ Pancakes, And Having To Be More Private Now

January 25, 2023 / Posted by:

What’s it like to be the World’s Most Glamorous Woman on the arm of the World’s Baldest Billionaire? Well, nobody is really sure because MacKenzie Scott refuses to do interviews about her ex-husband Jeff Bezos. But Jeff’s new lady friend Lauren Sanchez did! And while she may not be quite as glamorous as Mac, Jeff’s “goofy” ass (Lauren’s word, not mine, but also mine) is lucky to have her. Billions of dollars won’t buy you love, but it can buy you a former working girl (in this case, a former Extra correspondent) with a head for business and a bod for sin. According to Lauren’s alma mater, Extra, in her “first solo interview!,” she told The Wall Street Journal (so much for that inside scoop, Extra. How are you gonna keep ‘em on the farm when they’ve seen the inside of Jeff’s Bezos’ space dick?) that losing out on her “dream job” as one of the hosts of The View in 1999, was “one of the most devastating days of [her] life.” But if you think Lauren is still wallowing in pity and regret 23 years later, then you don’t know Lauren at all.

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Open Post: Hosted By Drake’s Bathroom Secrets

January 20, 2023 / Posted by:

In case you’ve somehow overlooked the flashy diamonds, exotic cars, opulent estates, private jets, on-demand stylists, hairdressers, barbers, tattoo artists and high-powered attorneys, state-of-the-art shitters, army of yes men, coast guard of big booty hoes, oceans of champagne and legally binding Certificate of Authenticity signed by the entirely of the NBA under duress, Drake is very rich. So rich, in fact, that he’s privy to luxuries the rest of us never even knew existed, let alone included on the vision boards of our youth. But Drake’s had his eyes on the prizes since before he could walk (which didn’t happen until 2009, prior to that, he required the use of a wheelchair if he wanted any attention or money). Drake recently let his fans in on a little secret only known to the wealthiest and most elite individuals on the planet. Trump may have used his power and influence to grab pussies with impunity, but Drake’s made of softer stuff than that. Well, it actually depends on what he’s eaten and how many bottles he’s popped, but for Drake, taking a long slow shit in private while other people are waiting in line is proof positive that he is a man of extraordinary mbeans.

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Elon Musk Polled Users On If He Should Step Down As The Head Of Twitter With Unsurprising Results

December 19, 2022 / Posted by:

Could it be that our internet-age Icarus has, at long last, flew too close to the sun? In this case, the sun being Dave Chappelle’s white-hot dragon breath? Because not only did Elon Musk get his ass torched by ten minutes of sustained booing, it looks like he’s had his eyelashes singed off too so now he looks even more like Dr. Evil dressed up as Pennywise the Clown for a costume party at Twitter HQ but is now standing outside in the rain arguing with the bouncer that he doesn’t need an invitation (it’s his party, dammit), before being led away by security, his comically large rubber shoes squeaking the entire time, much to the delight of the crowd of revelers who just unanimously voted that he should be 86’ed from Club Twitterverse for good.

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