Now that Jamie Spears isn’t able to skim off the top of Britney Spears’ fortune anymore and Kevin Federline is exactly one Popozão away from his and Britney’s sons aging out of their child support, it was time for Jamie and Kevin to frantically secure that bag by any means necessary. And since two dickheads are better than one, they’ve teamed up to “write” a book on fatherhood because Al Bundy and Jack Torrance must be busy.
Kevin Federline Talked About Britney Spears’ Relationship With Her Sons During An Interview, And Yes, She Hit Back At Him
During Britney Spears’ fight to finally kill her 13-year conservatorship, her ex-husband Kevin Federline, who has primary custody of their Cheetolings, mostly stayed quiet but did throw support her way through his lawyer by saying that the “best thing for his children is for their mother to be happy and healthy.” Well, KFed just did something that has made Brit Brit the opposite of happy. KFed bit the Frapp-covered hand that feeds him and his family by talking about her relationship with her sons, 16-year-old Sean Preston Federline and 15-year-old Jayden James Federline. And he didn’t do it on a therapist’s couch. I mean, when you air your feelings out to a therapist, you have to give a check instead of taking one. So KFed decided to tell the world about his sons’ relationship with their mother during an interview with The Daily Mail that will air on Britain’s ITV in several parts this week. And since Brit Brit isn’t one to stay quiet when someone publicly brings up her name, she has slammed back, saying she’s sad that KFed is running his mouth about her and their sons.
The child support drama/dramamine between Kevin Federline and Britney Spears could soon be coming to an end if Daddy Spears has his way. KFed’s been hitting the court stroll trying to get more cash for the two sons he sired with Brit Brit, but while Brit Brit is having none of it, Daddy Spears has apparently been angling a side deal with KFed to make him go away. Please, Daddy Spears, make him go away!
Entertainment Tonight broke the biggest news story of the week after talking to Britney Spears about what she’s going to eat when she goes on tour. Brit Brit licked the Cheetos dust from her fingers before telling them all about the Piece of Me Tour which is going around North America and Europe this summer. And you know that means we need to hear all about Brit Brit’s eating and workout habits because what else would she talk about?
Kevin Federline Filed For Additional Child Support Claiming He Only Earns 1% Of What Britney Spears Earns
Kevin Federline still needs more money for child support. According to The Blast, he’s officially filed documents requesting an increase to make up for the fact that in recent years, he only earns 1% of what Britney Spears earns and it’s not fair for the kids to have to live in a hovel when they’re with him, and a mansion when they’re with their momma. And the kids are suffering because of it. What, you never heard of Childhood Parental Wealth Disparity Syndrome (CPWDS)? It’s a silent killer.
It’s been over 10 long years since rap master Kevin Federline sharted out “PopoZão” and taught us that it’s possible to caca through our ear holes. The saying “genius takes time” is true and this newest work of art proves it. It took the Mozart of rap a decade to release a song that’ll make you wish Tampax made tiny tampons for your ears. Listening to it won’t cause you to caca through your ear holes, but you will bleed.
Throw on your Von Dutch trucker hat, pop your collar and put your Motorola Razr on mute, because TMZ has taken us all the way back to 2005 by posting KFed’s new video “Hollywood,” which also stars Andy Dick and Aaron Carter’s flow coach Crichy Crinch, whose claim to fame is getting Tara Reid’s name tattooed onto his arm. This mess is so 2005 that it’s practically a Four Loko stain on a pink UGG.
But KFed did manage to bring it to the NOW thanks to a scene where a fourth-tier Amber Rose impersonator (who looks more like a third-tier Susan Powter impersonator) and a fifth-tier Kanye West impersonator (who looks more like a fourth-tier Ray-J impersonator) get into some #FingersInTheBootyAssBitch action. The Amber/Kanye scene is pretty disappointing, because I doubt the booty hole Jesus uses drugstore lube like a normal peon. Kanye’s b-hole is probably self-lubricating, and not only that, but KFed missed an opportunity to make a “PooPooOw” joke.
There’s also a bootleg Leonardo DiCaprio impersonator in this for some reason. Brit Brit Spears must’ve cut KFed’s child support payments, because it’s obvious that everybody involved in this worked for dusty copies of Playing With Fire.
Believe it or not, the most painful part of that video isn’t the song or the sight of Andy Dick getting off while wiping his asshole with KFed’s CD. What’s really painful is that I still look at KFed and think to myself that I’d totally let him PopoZão me. No, I don’t love myself.
And here’s KFed looking like STAINS‘ strung out second cousin at Crazy Horse III in Las Vegas last December.